The Choices We Make
by Artemis Leaena
Summary: If he could go back in time & change the one decision that shattered Bella's faith, trust, & love, Edward would do it in a heartbeat. All he can do now, though, is live with the decisions he's made & try to earn back what he blindly threw away. A story about the lives we change with the choices we make. AH, OOC, E/BPOV, rated M for language & mild violence.
1. The Beginning of the End

**Disclaimer: **_The Twilight Saga _& all associated characters are the copyrighted creation & property of Stephenie Meyer. Any other publicly recognized characters, brands, quotes or "catch phrases" are the sole trademarked &/or copyrighted property of their respective creators. No copyright or trademark infringement is purposely intended with this story. The plot & any original characters of this story are the property of Artemis Leaena. This work may not be reposted, reproduced, or translated without the express permission of the author. This disclaimer will only be posted once for this entire fic.

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**A/N:**

With this story, I'm going to be attempting to push myself as a dramatic writer. So if you are looking for gratuitous lemons, you are reading the wrong story & should try something else on my profile! =) I hope you enjoy my experiment.

This is the first half of what was originally my contribution to the 2011 Fandom Against Famine Compilation.

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_!

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**Chapter 1:  
The Beginning of the End**

**EPOV**

_~June 23, 2011~_

I allowed the wracking sobs to overtake me as I collapsed back against the wall and slid down until my ass hit the floor. I couldn't think or breathe, which was fine because I no longer had the will or desire to do either. I just wanted to curl up and allow the gaping hole that had just been ripped through my chest to take me over this event horizon into sweet oblivion.

I fell over onto my side and curled into a fetal position in an attempt to keep my insides from spilling out onto the pristine floor; the pain was so overwhelming I felt certain I could and would never survive it. Completely heedless of my surroundings, I allowed the agonized scream I'd been trying to hold in to make its way up my throat and out of my mouth. It was eerily comforting as it reverberated off the walls and echoed down the hall.

I vaguely became aware of the sound of multiple footsteps as they ran down the passageway, and I recognized my father's cologne when he skidded to a halt and bent over me.

"Son, what's wrong? What happened?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to think about what had just occurred. I wanted to just be left here in my misery to die … alone. My dad wasn't going to allow me that easy exit, however; he grabbed my upper arms and hauled me up until I was again sitting with my back to the wall and gave me a rough shake.

"Edward … _what _… _happened_?" he gritted out.

I could tell he was trying not to lose his patience with me, and my chest burned as I attempted to take air into lungs that no longer functioned. I opened my mouth to speak, but all that would come out was blubbering gibberish. Another harsh shake, and a sharp crack of my skull against the concrete and drywall behind me, and I was able to open my eyes and stammer out the three words I never thought I'd ever have to say.

"Sh-sh-she … le-left … m-m-m-me!"

"I …" he shook his blond head slowly as if the motion would bring him clarity "… I don't understand, son."

I screamed in his face, "_She's gone_, and she's _never_ coming back. I've lost her." I glared at him in naked hostility for his stupidity.

I watched as my strong and unflappable father fell out of his crouch onto his ass. His jaw was slack and hanging down, his eyes wide in horror, and silent tears were streaming down his cheeks as he slowly shook his head in denial. My mother's keening cry of despondency hit me before her body slammed into me and attached itself, surrounding me. Watching and feeling my parents – the ones who were supposed to pick _me_ up and put me back together after my crash – fall apart was all the permission I needed to give in and allow myself to drown in the anguish and agony that washed over me in wave after bone-shattering wave of despair.

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**A/N:**

Interested in reading more?! =P

As usual, you can follow my psychotic ramblings by following (a)artemisleaena over at Twitter, and I've been known to lurk around Facebook under Artemis Leaena or artemisleaena(a)aol dot com if you prefer.


	2. Heaven in Hell On Earth

**A/N:**

This is the second half of what was originally my contribution to the 2011 Fandom Against Famine Compilation.

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ and _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Overwhelming thanks to all y'all for already embracing this story just based on the teaser. I hope I don't disappoint you! =)

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**Chapter 2:  
Heaven In Hell-On-Earth**

**BPOV**

_~December 5, 2010~_

"Is it time, Alice?"

"No, it's only been thirty seconds since the timer started, Bella. And it's been ten seconds since the _last _time you asked, 'Is it time yet, Alice?' You need to calm down, and for the love of Dolce and Gabbana, _breathe_!"

Breathe? Yeah, I could do that, right? I mean, I wasn't dead – yet – so obviously I _could_ breathe. I had the _ability_; I just wasn't so sure I had the _will_ any longer. What it seemed I did _not_ have the ability to do was to calm the hell down as I paced back and forth in front of Alice's bed. I mean, how the hell long could five minutes take? It was just three hundred seconds, for fuck's sake.

Meanwhile, there Alice sat, blithely flipping through one of her many fashion magazines, completely unconcerned about the giant pit-viper in the room that was poised to strike in … _fuck _… four minutes. Of course, that could be because the venomous hunter wasn't gunning for Alice's jugular – it was aimed at _my_ stupid ass. I collapsed in a heap on the floor at the foot of the bed, allowing my head to rest on my raised knees, and thought about how my life had gotten to this point.

~_TCWM_~

_~Late March 2010~_

"Bella!"

The familiar sound of my mother's voice bellowing for me echoed through the house. It seemed I did something on a daily basis to displease the Queen of the Hippies, so this wasn't anything new. Usually my infraction was nothing more than having had the audacity to be alive. I felt the need to point out – whenever the opportunity arose – the fact that my existence was something for which _she_ was partially to blame. It was usually sufficient enough to get her to shut her bitching mouth the fuck up for at least the rest of that day.

I rose from my bed, in which I'd been escaping the suckitude of my reality with yet another book, and went to open my bedroom door. "What, Mom?"

A disheveled, out-of-breath, and … what the _fuck _… _glowing_ Renee stood just outside my room. She had been smiling, but the instant I opened my mouth to speak, her lips flipped over into her customary frown. Well, customary when it came to dealing with _me_, at any rate.

"It's Renee. How many times do I have to tell you? It's … _Renee_." She bristled in righteous indignation as she placed emphasis on each syllable. "_Mom_ is a slave name given to me by the Man, and I refuse to be shackled by his oppression."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes at her theatrics, her beliefs … _her_. "What do you want?"

_You whackadoo!_

She puffed up, almost preening in her self-involved delusion of importance – or relevance. "We're moving to Jacksonville. Phil was finally signed to a team there. Your plane leaves tomorrow at ten, so you need to get yourself packed."

Having delivered her edict, she turned to walk away from me, but I reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her. There _had_ to be more to the story than _that_.

"Wait! _Plane_? Huh?"

She snatched her arm from my grasp as if my touch burned her and, with an exasperated huff, pivoted on her heel until she was once again facing me.

_Oh, I'm sorry, Queen Bitch – wait, was that another slave name; if it was, it suited her – that I'm not a fucking mind reader and don't have a damn clue what you're blathering on about._

I had always considered myself to be a relatively smart person. I had a 4.0 GPA, always blew the Bell Curve, and had even skipped the seventh grade. You'd never know any of these things, or even guess at them, considering the condescending way the She-Beast was now talking to me – as if I were a legal moron.

"There are going to be welcome parties, press conferences, and media blitzes to attend. Not to mention traveling with the team for games and charity events. The last thing _either_ of us wants is to have to drag a teenager with us. _You're_ going to _Charlie's_."

That was all the explanation I would get from her. Actually, it was all the explanation I needed. Again, I was a pretty smart cookie, and I had no trouble translating her words: "I'm tired of being tied down playing parent, so get out!" She spun away from me and flounced off to live her new burden-free life with her husband. I, on the other hand, packed sixteen years of my life into two suitcases and a carry-on and boarded a plane the next morning that would take me from sunny Phoenix to rainy, depressing, podunk Forks, Washington. _Wonderful_.

I didn't see _how_, but I guess moving in with Charlie _could_ have been worse. At least I would get to see Jacob more often. He was the only saving grace to the two weeks of Hell that were my summer visits with Charlie. Despite being a few years older than me, Jacob and I had become very good friends and kept in touch with each other when I was in Phoenix. Jake's dad, Billy, was Charlie's best friend, so it seemed natural that Jacob and I would become friends. When I was with Charlie, I tended to spend most of my time over on the Rez in La Push and only had Billy – and later, when he was old enough to drive, Jake – to take me home when it was time for bed.

Charlie wasn't exactly waiting for me at the airport with arms wide open, but he at least showed up to give me a ride. On the long drive to Forks, we – meaning _he_ – quickly established some rules of permanent coexistence. Rule number one: what was his was his, be it his money, his space, or his business. He would provide a roof, food, and necessary clothing for me – because the law said he had to, and being the Chief of Police, he was going to follow the law – but if I wanted anything else, I would have to figure out how to get it myself. Also – and this was of the utmost importance – his reputation was his.

This led us to rule number two: I was not to embarrass him. Meaning, I was to go to school, get good grades, and get into college, thus getting me the hell out of his house. I was to clean up after myself, keep as low a profile as possible, and stay out of the way of his girlfriend, Sue, who seemed to think his house was hers and didn't tolerate me in _her _kitchen. I found this out the hard way on my first night when I idiotically thought to smooth my transition by being nice and cooking dinner for Charlie. I ended up crying myself to sleep that night – hungry – after they both laid into me. Thus, we established rule number three: I was not to assume I was welcome or wanted in any way, shape, or form. Duly noted!

I wasn't exactly "slash my wrists" or "jump off a cliff" miserable, but it did feel like shades of the same imprisonment I'd just escaped from with Renee. That was to say, dealing with my "parents" was my own special Sisyphean form of Hell … minus the flames and the giant boulder. The only differences between here and Phoenix were that it was green everywhere instead of brown, and it was my male DNA donor who wanted nothing to do with me. Fuck 'em. In two years I'd graduate high school, get a scholarship to somewhere, and they could all go fuck themselves. With that plan firmly in mind, I resolved to fade into the background and just try to survive.

This plan lasted all of two days – and one encounter with Alice Cullen that would change my life forever. She was a petite ball of fashionable energy who had been absent on my first day of school – which explained my brief reprieve – but when she walked into first period on my second day, you could say that Fate took over. Perhaps, if I had known what that evil bitch, Destiny, had had in mind for me, I would have gotten up and left the classroom as fast as my clumsy legs would carry me without a backward glance or even a, "Kiss my ass."

As it was, I stayed seated and waited for Kismet to unravel her plan for me. Alice walked up, plopped herself down in the seat next to mine, and introduced herself. "Hi," she peppily chirped. "I'm Alice Cullen. You're the new girl, Bella Swan." She wasn't asking, she was declaring – as if I didn't know who I was. "We're going to be best friends and sisters." Then she playfully narrowed her eyes, pointed a tiny, perfectly manicured finger in my face, and smirked. "I _wouldn't_ advise fighting the inevitable. I'm _always_ right!"

And, indeed, she was. From that moment on, Alice and I were practically inseparable. If I wasn't with Jacob, I was with Alice. I even stayed at her house more often than I did my own – not that Charlie gave a rat's ass or even noticed my absence. Her parents adored me and said they considered me to be one of their own. I, in turn, loved Carlisle and Esme as if they were the parents I'd never had – I didn't have parents; I had a sperm and egg donor – but had always wanted. Alice had taken me home to meet her family the same day I met her, and we all shared an instant chemistry … especially her brothers and me.

After I had awkwardly peeled myself away from the loving embraces of Carlisle and Esme – the concept of parental affection, verbal _or_ physical, was a foreign and disconcerting one to me – I had immediately been scooped up into a crushing bear hug by a pair of huge arms and assaulted with a booming, "Thanks for the new baby sister, guys. I think we'll keep her," in my ear. This was my introduction to Emmett. He was loud, obnoxious, way too full of energy and mischief for his own – or anyone else's – good, and was a little more than I could take some days. What he lacked in self-control, though, he made up for in personality. He was sweet, caring, fiercely loyal and protective, and was exactly what I would have asked for in an older brother were I given the choice.

If Emmett's introduction had stolen my breath – and it quite literally _had_ – then my first encounter with Edward had made me forget how to breathe altogether. He was, without a doubt, the most gorgeous man … boy … _creature_ … I had ever laid eyes on in my short sixteen years. I don't know how long he allowed me to stand there staring at him, my mouth gaping open, after he flashed a crooked little smile at me, but eventually he had stepped forward, placed a single finger under my chin, and gently closed my mouth before murmuring, "It's a _pleasure_ to meet you, Isabella."

His quiet, velvet voice sent tremors throughout my body that settled in my nether-region as a pulsing, throbbing ache, and his touch was like a million tiny pricks of pure energy crawling all over my skin. To say I was infatuated from the first second would have been the understatement of the century. It would have been closer to the truth to say that he owned me, body and soul, in that instant. This would have disturbed me, except that over the next couple of months he showed every sign that he was as equally affected by _me_ as I was _him_.

_~May 27, 2010~_

It was Alice's seventeenth birthday and – Alice being Alice – she had decided that half the county should try to cram themselves into her parents' house in order to celebrate the gift to the world that had been her birth. Okay, so it wasn't half the county, but definitely half the _school_ was there. I still didn't know most of them, and with the exception of a few, I didn't really care to. I didn't need a huge entourage at school. I had Alice, and through her, I had inherited James. We were the Three Musketeers … if Athos, Porthos, and Aramis had been two chicks and an extremely out-of-the-closet, but not flamboyant, Harley-riding gay guy, that is. But there was one other person I _did_ need – and cared about greatly.

Edward. Just thinking his name made me weak, and when he spoke, I was putty in his hands. He didn't need to beg, plead, pout, or do anything but look at me with those emotive eyes of his, and I would follow him to the ends of the earth and back again if he asked. I knew I was behaving just like those brainless twits I made fun of so often – the ones that hung on their boyfriends' every word and swore the sun rose and set in their men's asses – but I didn't care. I would give anything if Edward would just let me be _that_ girl to him. Marcie Blane's "Bobby's Girl" started playing in my head – the appropriateness of the tune was not lost on me. Only, instead of Bobby's girl, I wanted to be _Edward's_ girl.

In the little over two months that we had known each other, we had spent a great deal of time gracelessly flirting and sharing fleeting, innocent, "accidental" touches. We would steal furtive glances and shy smiles across the dinner table when I stayed with the Cullens. He had started joining Alice and me in our Saturday night movie ritual, and I would, more often than not, fall asleep on the family room couch beside, but not quite snuggling with, Edward rather than on the floor with Alice. But that was it, nothing more, and it frustrated me beyond belief.

Even when he was with us, he didn't really talk to me, nor did he ever try to get me alone so that we could get to know one another better. In fact, outside the Cullen mansion, it was as if I didn't exist to Edward. He didn't say "Hello" to me as we passed in the halls, and he didn't sit with Alice, James, and me at lunch. Even in the one class that we shared, he would only speak to me when he absolutely _had_ to. We happened to be lab partners in AP Biology I, but when we had to complete assignments together, he only communicated what was necessary to complete the log sheet, and then he would pull out a book or a sketch pad and ignore me for the rest of the class time.

I was to the point where I was seriously doubting my interpretation of how he acted with me at "home." Alice swore that he was just shy, and that I was reading home Edward correctly, and it was just my status as her best friend holding him back. But if he were interested in me the way that _I_ was interested in _him_, wouldn't he _say_ something? The little pixie was sure Edward was on the verge of "cracking," as she put it, and just needed a little extra incentive to make him man up, as it were. So, here I was, wearing a skirt and makeup – Alice had insisted the only present I get her be to let her dress me up tonight – and wandering from room to room, on a mission to find Edward and make him – how did Alice put it? – realize that he was "bat-shit-crazy in love" with me!

I was just making my third pass through the basement game room when I about jumped out of my skin and swallowed my tongue on a shrieking gasp as a pair of large, male hands wrapped around my midsection and pulled me back against a tall, lean frame. I was getting ready to elbow and knee my way out of the situation when a familiar, husky voice whispered in my ear.

"He's out on the back deck."

I whipped around and smacked the chest I was confronted with as hard as my feeble, little arm would allow. "_Damn it_, James! I almost peed myself there."

I was _not_ amused by his mirthful chortles, but _was_ mollified by his contrite, "Sorry, BabyBel." Or, at least I _was_, until he added, "But the _bees_, they are a buzzing around your honeypot, mamacita, so you better get your fine ass up there and stake your claim!"

I busted out laughing. "What the hell would _you_ know about my ass being fine?"

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me so that his hands rested on the aforementioned ass. "Baby, baby, BabyBel, when are you going to realize that just because I have no desire to _buy_ the merchandise, it doesn't mean I can't enjoy window shopping," he murmured, squeezing my cheeks on the last word. He then smacked my left one really hard and chuckled. "Now go tame your stallion before I try and take 'im for a ride!"

We were both laughing as he turned to walk away, but I felt compelled to try and burst his little bubble by calling out, "I'm going to tell Felix you said that!" I immediately wished I hadn't tried to taunt a master snarker when he called back over his shoulder.

"So long as he got to watch, I don't think he'd mind!"

We were walking in opposite directions, so I didn't think he'd hear as I called out one last insult, "You're a pig, Hunter!"

"Oink, oink, Swan!" I heard him holler back in the distance.

_Damn him and his supersonic hearing._

I was still chuckling quietly as I made my way through the kitchen and out on to the huge cedar wood deck that covered the entire backside of the house. It was a party or BBQ wet-dream as it was broken into several different areas including a giant rounded section with a partial gazebo over it and padded bench seats surrounding a large fire-pit. This is where I found Edward, his best friend – and Alice's boyfriend – Jasper, Emmett, and most of the rest of the guys from the football team hanging out and being fawned over by the jockstrap groupies. Even though it wasn't football season, these guys were still revered as gods among boys in _and_ out of school.

James had been right, the skankle-bees were buzzing around something awful tonight, and the Queen Bee, Jessica Stanley, had her slut-ass planted right in Edward's lap. As I watched, she leaned down and whispered something in his ear that caused him to throw his head back and laugh. It was a beautiful sound that filled my heart with joy. Joy that was short-lived, because in the next breath, my heart exploded, leaving bloody carnage dripping off the walls around me, as I watched Edward reach around and place his hand low on Jessica's hip near her ass, while she scooted closer to him and wrapped one arm around his neck.

I felt the hot tears of stupidity, humiliation, and betrayal forming behind my eyes. At least I knew why he only flirted with me in private. Why in the _world _had I thought someone like Edward Cullen could ever be interested in _me_? I needed to get out there before I embarrassed myself, and I whirled around, starting to blindly walk in the opposite direction, only to stop after a few feet. I didn't know where to go. I couldn't go upstairs and hide in Alice's room. Carlisle and Esme had declared the top two floors off limits, and they were up in the second floor den to enforce that rule. If I was caught, I'd have to explain why I wanted to hide, and that was just _not_ going to happen.

I couldn't go to Alice. She'd know immediately that something was wrong and want to drag me away upstairs to talk about it. That brought us back to the parental problem, and added the extra issue of I would then have ruined Alice's party. I couldn't go to James. He'd want to go kick Edward's ass – he was probably the only one other than Emmett who _could_ – and he'd also set off the parental alarms by wanting to drag me upstairs to talk it all through. Emmett was the only other person I knew here, and while he'd be sympathetic, he too would want to kick Edward's ass. Besides, he was back in the gazebo with Edward and the rest of the guys, so that automatically ruled him out. I guess I could go find Em's girlfriend, Rosalie Hale, but I didn't know her that well and didn't feel comfortable with that option.

I didn't know how long I stood there, chewing my bottom lip into hamburger and nervously glancing around as if I were casing the joint, but I was brought out of my _Shawshank Redemption_-esque escape planning by an arm landing across my shoulders. A body that smelled like Fritos, salami, and _feet_ pressed itself to my side, and hot, stale breath blew across my face as a slobbery mouth grazed my ear.

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" questioned a low, pitchy voice that, I had to assume, the owner thought was seductive.

I shrugged out from under the rank appendage as I turned to walk away from its owner, and one of the banes of my existence, but he caught by the waist, spinning me around so that we were pressed chest-to-chest. I put my hands on his scrawny, un-defined pecs and tried to push him away.

"Please let me go, Mike."

"Aw, come on, Swan song." His hands slid down to cover my ass and pull me close enough to him that I could feel his hard-on pressing against my stomach. "I saw the way you were looking at me a minute ago."

First, I threw up a little in my mouth at the thought of being with Mike Newton – as well as the reeking smell of his breath – and then I redoubled my efforts to push him away from me. He may not have been the most muscular guy on the team, but he still had my five-foot-two, one-hundred-and-ten pound ass beat for strength, and I might as well have been pushing away a brick wall for all the progress I was making at breaking his hold on me.

"Mike, I said let me _go_." I tried being forceful with him, but he just ignored me and started rubbing our bodies together.

I began struggling in earnest, beating and pushing on his chest, when he squeezed my ass and leaned in to try and kiss me. I was able to turn my head at the last second, but he just started macking on my neck and groaning in my ear, "Come on, baby, I _know_ you want it!"

I was in the process of taking a deep breath to scream for help when I was suddenly ripped from Mike's grasp – which was limp compared to the strong embrace I suddenly found myself in. I both heard and felt the rumbling growl emanating from the well-toned chest I was pressed against. I was surrounded by the throbbing pulse of electricity that always accompanied physical contact with this man, and I instantly knew the heavenly voice now snarling around me, even though it was distorted and twisted in rage.

"She said _back off_, Newton!"

"What the _fuck_, Cullen? I was just messing around."

"Well, the next time you 'mess around' with my girlfriend …" there were several sharp gasps of disbelief around us, the loudest of them coming from me "… I will _fuck_ you up! Understand?"

"_Yeah_, I _got it_," Mike sneered, and from the corner of my eye, I watched him stomp away like a petulant child.

My attention was drawn away from Mike's retreating form by a set of knuckles gently caressing my cheek and a deep voice whispering directly in my ear.

"Are you alright, Bella?"

I wanted to tell him, "No," and see how far he was willing to go to comfort me, but I knew that would be taking advantage. If I couldn't have his love, I didn't want his pity. So it was with a heavy heart that I pushed out of his arms, took a step back, and kept my eyes downcast while whispering, "Yes. Thank you, by the way, for rescuing me by pretending to be my … um … well, just … thank you."

Keeping my eyes locked on my shoes, I turned to walk away from Edward. I needed to be anywhere but there with him and was even willing to incur parental wrath to accomplish my goal. I was stopped by his large hand grabbing and squeezing my tiny one, and by a single, pleading word.

"Bella?"

I didn't answer him, or turn around, but I _did_ stop trying to walk away. I wasn't sure what I expected him to do or say, but nothing could have prepared me for Edward closing the gap between us, spearing his hands into my hair, tipping my head up, and crashing his lips to mine. It took my brain a moment to catch up to reality, but when it did, I brought my arms up to twine around his neck and simply enjoyed the feeling of Edward's satin-smooth, full lips moving over mine.

He left one hand in my hair, but it now cradled the back of my head to anchor me to his mouth – as if I would _ever_ leave that delicious orifice – and his other hand ran down my back, his fingers caressing the curve of my spine, until he reached the small expanse of exposed skin between my skirt and blouse. He splayed his fingers out, dipping his pinky finger just inside the waist of my skirt, and exerting enough pressure to move me forward and bring our bodies flush with each other.

When we broke apart several long, blissful minutes later, we were both gasping and panting. There was a fire in Edward's eyes that I didn't fully understand, but somehow knew I wanted to be burned by. For what seemed like an eternity, we said nothing, but merely gazed into each other's eyes until the silence became too intense, and I felt compelled to speak. My brain was still fuzzy from Edward's kiss, so there was no filter to stop my heart from using my mouth to let its deepest secret be known.

"I love you, Edward," I stated quietly, but confidently.

He closed his eyes and let a half smile play at the corners of his lips before he chuckled humorlessly, dropped his head, and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Bella," his voice cracking on my name.

My arms dropped from his shoulders to hang limply at my sides. My jaw began working to soundlessly form words my brain couldn't supply. Tears were streaming unbidden down my face, and I felt like I'd just been eviscerated. I wanted to smack myself for my vulnerability, misplaced trust, and sheer _idiocy_. I wanted to smack _him_ for breaking and then repairing me, only to shatter me into a billion tiny shards as he threw me against the wall. I wanted to find Alice and put the fucking beat-down on her for filling my head with nonsense about Edward wanting me. But mostly, I just wanted to get the hell away.

I finally managed to regain my wits and pushed against Edward's chest with every pitiful ounce of might I possessed as I snapped, "Get your _fucking_ hands _off_ of me!"

His eyes snapped up to mine, and then widened in disbelief and bewilderment. I took advantage – there were no feelings of guilt this time – of his moment of shock to try and free myself from his unyielding grasp. When pushing didn't work, I started punching at his chest, shoulders, and head – whatever I could reach – but all that got me was my arms pinned to my sides by my elbows. I could still move my wrists and fingers, but what was I going to do with _those_? _Flick_ him to death?

"Bella, I –" he began in a placating and apologetic tone.

"You _what_, Edward?" I cut off what, I'm sure, was an eloquently worded speech designed to "let me down easy," but I wasn't interested in hearing it. "You got caught up in the moment, but now you feel bad? You don't want to lead me on, but maybe we can still be friends? Well _fuck you_, Edward! I don't need or want your fucking pity," I spat out at him.

His face had been growing steadily redder, his stare more murderous, and his towering stance more menacing as I spewed my venom at him. I probably would have said more, but he shook me hard once while yelling, "Would you shut the fuck up and _listen_ to me, Isabella?"

I snapped my mouth shut and glared at him mutinously. He glared back for a second or two, testing to see if I was going to keep my mouth shut or if I was going to continue railing at him. He must have decided I would remain quiet because he closed his eyes again and took several deep breaths. When he was no longer red faced, and was obviously calmer, he opened his eyes and visibly fought to compose his thoughts before speaking again.

"Bella, when I said, 'I'm so sorry …' " I started to open my mouth, but closed it so fast in response to his questioning eyebrow raise that my jaw popped. Satisfied I wouldn't interrupt, he continued where he left off, "What I meant to say was, I'm so sorry that I was such a jackass for making you wait so long."

It was my turn to be, and look, perplexed. I wanted to ask him what on God's green Earth he was yammering on about, but my need to see where he would lead without prompting won out and I remained silent. He released my arms and brought his hands up to cup my face, his thumbs sweeping with feather-light touches over the apples of my cheeks as his eyes raked over my features as if he were attempting to commit every freckle, eyelash, and crease to memory. When his eyes returned to mine, his hands grew firmer, but not painful, in their hold, and when he spoke again, his voice was deeper, graver, and more emotional than before.

"You, Isabella Marie, have controlled my mind, bound my soul, and owned my heart since the moment I first laid eyes upon you. So yes, I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't tell you a thousand times a day how beautiful you are. Sorry I never tried to steal a kiss or a million from you. And so, _so_ fucking sorry I made you wait to hear me say that I love you. I –"

I'd heard enough, and this time when my mouth cut off his speech, it was because I had launched myself at him and was firmly pressing my lips to his. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn he was twenty-six instead of sixteen, his words were so romantic, and smooth, and just … just perfect. He recovered much quicker than I had earlier, and I found myself once again wrapped in the steel bands of his arms as he pressed our bodies so close together not even _air_ could pass between us.

His hands were glued to my hips, my hands were around his neck and buried in his hair, and his tongue was delicately running along my bottom lip, asking for permission to enter. I opened my mouth to him and quickly brought my tongue out to engage his in a heated game of taunting, teasing, and tasting. We would break for a millisecond to breathe, and then we would return to learning every flavor, texture, and feature of the other's mouth.

The crowd around us faded into a dull humming sound that was too weak to break the protective cocoon we had built. The rest of the world could cease to exist for all I cared, so long as Edward survived and I got to keep kissing and touching him. But like all fragile bubbles, ours wasn't completely impenetrable, and a single, shrill, squealing voice was able to punch a whole right through and send us plummeting back to the reality of our surroundings.

"I _knew_ it! Didn't I tell you, Jasper? Didn't I say they were perfect for each other? This is, without a doubt, the _best_ birthday present … _ever_!"

* * *

**A/N:**

So…that was awfully _nice_ of them to admit their feelings as their present to Alice for her birthday, eh!? LOL =) You know what to do with that little "love link" and you know what you'll get in return for using it! ;P

As usual, you can follow my psychotic ramblings over at Twitter by stalking (a) artemisleaena, and I've been known to lurk around Facebook under Artemis Leaena or artemisleaena(a)aol dot com


	3. Paradise Found

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180 **_and _**wmr1601, **_and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_!

* * *

**Chapter 3:  
Paradise Found**

**BPOV**

_~June 20, 2010~_

It had been three and a half glorious weeks since Edward and I had given Alice the ultimate birthday present – that was _her_ summation of what had happened that night – and they seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye. Before I knew it, school was out for the summer, and I was once again attending a birthday party at the Cullen residence. This time, however, it was a low key affair consisting of family and their partners. Neither Emmett nor Edward had wanted a raucous party for their seventeenth birthday and were happy with a formal dinner with those near and dear to them.

The Cullen clan wasn't large, but they were a warm and welcoming family who genuinely loved each other and those in their lives. Jasper and Rosalie, having been dating their respective sibling for some time now, had already met the extended family, but it was my first time being introduced. Carlisle's identical twin brother, Caius, and his wife, Heidi, were hilarious and had everyone in stitches the whole night – especially when they were teasing Em and Edward about Alice being their "big" sister when she was just over a foot shorter than them.

You see, Carlisle and Esme had been trying to get pregnant for almost five years, with no success, when they decided it was time to look at alternative options. Never being ones to turn to unnecessary medicine – as a doctor, Carlisle was far too familiar with the consequences of such actions – they had decided to forgo fertility treatments and opted to adopt instead. They found an agency that helped troubled teens and were soon matched with a fourteen-year-old rape victim whose über-religious parents had refused to allow her an abortion.

The initial papers were signed and the Cullens took over the medical expenses for the girl and made sure she had maternity clothing. But the best things often come to those who wait, and two weeks later, Esme found out she was pregnant. Deciding fate had led them to that girl, though, they decided to go ahead with the adoption. Elizabeth Alice Cullen was born small, and six weeks early, but she was still perfect in the eyes of Carlisle and Esme. A little less than a month later, Emmett Andrew and Edward Anthony Cullen joined the now complete family.

That was another little gem that Uncle Cai – as he insisted us three non-Cullens call him – shared with us: all children born to a Cullen had to have the same initials. It had been that way for over three-hundred years, Carlisle had explained. He was Carlisle Enoch, and his brother was Caius Edward. Their family was rich in strange traditions, and I also learned that twins came in every generation – a fact that made Rosalie cringe. Also, the twins, with the exception of Edward's great-great-great aunts, were _always_ male – but not always identical. The most fantastical piece of Cullen lore – at least to me – was that, when a child was born, their first name had to start with the same letter as their father's middle name. I had always thought that it was the mother's side that controlled twins, and families that had letter issues when naming their kids were freaks, but these quirks only served to make the Cullens that much more fabulous to me.

It was all wonderfully weird and wacky, but I loved every morsel of information that was imparted to me. I was having such a good time, in fact, I didn't even mind when Jane, Caius and Heidi's daughter, started throwing a hissy-fit about how unfair it was that she'd had to give up a date with her boyfriend to sit and play childish games with her cousins all night. Jane was eighteen, had recently graduated and would be heading to UW in the fall, and was a general pain in the ass whose life mission, it seemed, was to make everyone around her as miserable as she could. But she wasn't going to succeed _that_ night.

Sometime around midnight, after everyone else had either left or settled down for the night, Edward and I were finally able to find some alone time for me to give him his present. Even though I had started working at Newton's Sporting Goods the previous week, I hadn't yet gotten a paycheck to be able to buy him a present. Instead, I had planned to give him something more personal – a surprise best left for the privacy of his darkened bedroom.

It would probably have seemed odd to anyone else, but it seemed normal and natural to us that by the end of our first week together, Edward and I had had the sex talk. Okay, so it wasn't so much "natural" as it was prompted by an extremely heavy make-out session that was on the verge of going _way_ further than I was ready for when, mid-tongue fuck, he started trying to take my pants off.

Whatever the reason, that night we discussed the fact that, even though he wasn't, I was still a virgin. He apologized for his actions – he didn't want me to think I was just another hook-up, because he said he was done with those – and we decided _together_ that there was no rush to take things further physically until we were _both_ ready. However, just because I wasn't ready to do "the deed," it didn't mean I wasn't ready to explore _other_ avenues of releasing the building tension between us. What better time to express that to my fantastically sweet, patient, and _hot_ as freaking _Hell_ boyfriend than for his birthday?

Despite claiming that I was mentally traumatizing her for life, and seriously testing the limits of her upchuck reflex, Alice had spent the entire week prior to her brothers' birthday helping me weed through every advice column about sex we could get our hands on to help me with my mission. Sadly, what we needed couldn't be found printed in the pages of a magazine – at least not one that _we_ were old enough to purchase – and we had turned to an expert in what I had planned: James.

It had been extremely embarrassing and highly amusing to have our best guy friend teach us how to give a proper blowjob, but both Alice and I paid rapt attention to that shit as he demonstrated his "technique" on a cucumber for us. Apparently Felix was _very_ well endowed, and James felt he would be doing his boyfriend a disservice by replacing him with an ordinary banana. Judging by the gleam in Alice's eye, Edward wasn't going to be the _only_ one to benefit from our little lesson.

But Alice and Jasper's sex lives – or surprising lack thereof – weren't my concern as I tiptoed into Edward's room, locking the door behind me, and fell into the wide open arms that awaited me. Even though we had boundaries, we both loved the feel of being skin-to-skin when we were together like this, and so our shirts and my bra were quickly shed as we lay tangled in each other on his bed.

This was usually as far as we took things, but much to Edward's enthusiastically delighted surprise – he had to mash a pillow over his face to muffle his moans, growls, and grunts of pleasure – we added another move to our repertoire of intimacy. I didn't even mind it when he came in my mouth without warning, and I made sure I swallowed as much as I could – only a little trickled out of the corners of my mouth, but practice would make that much easier … I hoped – licking him clean afterward like James had taught.

_~September 13, 2010~_

No matter how much we tried to halt the hands of time, the days and weeks of summer sped by in a blur of happiness and contentment. For one, I was practically living with the Cullens now, and more than half of my wardrobe was either folded in the bureau or hung in the walk-in closet of the guestroom which Esme had insisted I consider my own. I would often go for days without setting foot in Charlie's house – I didn't and couldn't consider it my own when I was so blatantly unwanted there – and he didn't seem to mind my absence. Carlisle and Esme were wonderful, and they treated me as if I were one of their own.

I took on a few more hours at Newton's and was able to save up some money to purchase some wheels – the car they were attached to, as well. Jacob had taken me around to several used lots, trying to help me find something for under a grand that wouldn't have me constantly paying for repairs, but to no avail. After two full days of fruitless searching, Jake broke down and, for eight-hundred dollars, offered to sell me the Volkswagen Rabbit he had just finished restoring. I gave him two-hundred that day and made arrangements to pay him a hundred bucks a month for the next six months for the rest.

Another benefit of all my extra income was that I was able to get a cell phone – a move Edward greatly supported. He didn't like that I was working with Mike, or that the witless wonder was still hitting on me several times a day, so it calmed his inner Cro-Magnon-beast to know I was just a text away. The surprising part was that Charlie allowed me to add my line to his account. I made sure to pick out the best free phone the company had to offer, and I always had my share of the bill ready whenever he asked for it. I was certain this would come back to bite me in the ass someday, but no company would give a sixteen-year-old a phone, and I couldn't afford the texting rates of the pre-paid units, so it was the best option I had – I refused to entertain Edward's suggestion that I allow _him_ to pay for my phone.

The _best_ parts of my summer, however, were the explorations Edward and I engaged in while the rest of the house was lost in peaceful slumber. After I had gone down on him for his birthday, I was like a woman possessed when it came to sex without penetration. My growing insatiability ratcheted up several notches after my _extremely_ talented boyfriend introduced me to the delights of cunnilingus. I didn't ask, and never wanted to know, how he got to be so masterful at pleasuring me with his tongue – I was just ecstatic he _was_. I also often found myself praising whatever deity sprung into my lust-hazed mind for Edward's long and nimble fingers as well.

Our sexual endeavors weren't the only things to have changed by the time school started again, and the new term found Alice, James, and me sharing a lunch table with Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and their crew. I was concerned at first that our eclectic little enclave wouldn't mesh well with the guys' more "macho" lunch crowd, but we all got along really well. All but _one_ of us, that is. Jessica didn't care for the invasion into what she deemed to be _her_ territory and never missed an opportunity to sneer or glare at me. Of course, as soon as Edward would turn toward her, the two-faced bitch would be all smiles and giggles.

With the exception of my wish that the school custodian would lose control of the giant mower used to trim the football field and run it over Jessica "the poster child for VD" Stanley never seeming to come true, my life was damn near perfect. For the first time I could remember, I had friends who cared about me, a boyfriend who couldn't stop kissing me, and in Carlisle and Esme, I had genuine parental figures that loved me and never missed an opportunity to tell me so. A fact that made telling them no when they asked if they could throw me a seventeenth birthday party all the more difficult.

It wasn't that I wasn't grateful for all they had done for me, or even that I didn't feel I deserved to be celebrated, I simply didn't want anyone to make a fuss over me. I ended up relenting and allowed Esme to make me her famously gorge-a-licious beef stroganoff and toasted garlic focaccia bread for supper, but _only_ on the condition that it could be just the six of us in attendance. She wholeheartedly agreed and, true to her word, my birth was quietly celebrated with my favorite meal, a modest cake, and people who truly loved me.

I hadn't wanted to explain to Esme that part of the reason I wanted quiet and simple was that I felt most comfortable when it was just me and the Cullens … my "family." Somehow, however, I think she understood and didn't pressure me for details when I shrugged and walked away after she asked what Charlie and Renee had gotten me. Thanks to her efforts – and no thanks to my "father," who grunted and ignored me when I reminded him it was my birthday and I would be staying at the Cullens', and my "mother," who didn't even bother contacting me – I had the most wonderful birthday of my life. Best of all, everyone but Edward honored my wishes and didn't get me any presents. I'm not certain you can call what Edward got me a gift, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

It had been about one in the morning when he snuck into my room, making sure the door locked behind him, and had crept to where I was sleeping. He woke me slowly and gently with kisses to my neck, shoulders, temple, and finally my lips when I rolled toward him unconsciously. Once I was awake, though, he pampered me with a full body massage and thrilled me with three spine-melting orgasms using his tongue and hands. But then something happened that we had talked about and prepared for, but hadn't planned to do just yet: Edward made love to me for the first time.

_~October 30, 2010~_

With that first time, a fucking flood gate was opened – quite literally. Whenever Edward and I found ourselves alone and a condom within reach – we were never more than arm's reach from a box of rubbers – we were having sex. Most mornings, we would leave a little early and park in the woods, going at it like rabbits in the backseat of his car before school. Sometimes we would skip lunch and have a quick fuck in the supply closet or the rarely used microfiche room of the library at school. As fulfilling as those experiences were, though, _nothing_ compared to when we shared a bed together.

It was at those times, in the dark quiet of the night, when we wouldn't have to hurry and could take our time with each other, that he would love me slowly, gently, and like I was the most precious thing in his universe. Those were the moments when I felt closest to him. He would hold my hands as he moved within me, kiss me deeply as his body clung tightly to mine, and whisper how much he loved and needed me like the air he breathed as we would climax together. Afterward, we would hold each other, sharing chaste kisses and touches, as we discussed our future. Quite simply, life was heavenly.

Adding to the illusion of our utopian lives was the fact that Edward had made first-string quarterback that year and had, thus far, led the team to a 7-2 record. The most recent win had come the previous night at Forks High's Homecoming game. We had skipped the dance that night, and instead had celebrated with three rounds of mind blowing sex in the back seat of his Volvo. At our rate of consumption, we were burning through about a box of condoms a week. It was totally worth the price of Carlisle's constant "sex is something to be taken seriously between two people who … just be _careful_, you two" talks if he kept supplying the protection.

Because we had skipped out on the after-game dance, we _had_ to put in an appearance at James' Halloween party the next night. Yeah, it was only the thirtieth, but with All Hallows Eve falling on a Sunday it was the best that could be done. It was a good thing that we'd all already cleared it with Carlisle and Esme to crash at James' – I didn't even bother keeping Charlie in the loop anymore, and we were all happier that way – because the alcohol was freely flowing. I didn't typically drink that much, and about three shots of tequila into the night, I demonstrated why.

Michael Newton had behaved himself, for the most part, since Alice's birthday party all those months ago, but every now and then, he would get brave and start making passes at me again. Usually I ignored his asinine attempts at flirtation, but José was in charge of my mouth that night. So when he called me his little swan song for the millionth time, I snapped and allowed my inner thoughts to become my outer voice.

"Will this _really _be your final scene, Newton? Or are you going to continue to plague the actors of this play with your imbecilic inanity?"

Everyone around us started laughing and pointing as Mike's face turned splotchy and red and he stuttered, "E-excuse me?"

"I _would_, but there isn't one for you. Now, while I'm sure _your_ simple brain believes calling me 'the cries of a dying bird' is a compliment, those of us who _aren't_ ninny hammered buffoons don't. So why don't you crawl back into your cave of ignorance, you nitwitted troglodyte?"

He stood there and spluttered in outrage and indignation at my angelically sweet smile for a few seconds as the uproarious laughter of our classmates filled the room before barreling his way through the crowd and out the door. I would probably regret being so vindictively mean in the morning, but I severely doubted it. That guy just bugged the hell out of me, and a drunken Bella was apparently a _mean_ Bella who just wasn't going to stand for that any longer.

The next morning, I woke up stark naked and tangled in some sheets on the floor of the guestroom with Edward. I vaguely remembered pushing my Superman – alright, so his costume was a Superman T-shirt and some loose-fitting jeans – onto the bed before I stripped out of my Wonder Woman costume. I also remembered sex – lots and lots of sex. The rug burns on my knees and ass attested to the fact that we must not have stayed on the bed for very long, but where were the used condoms?

I checked the trash can, the sheets on the floor _and_ the bed, under the bed, even under the furniture, but no wrappers or used rubbers materialized. I flew into a panic, tearing the room apart – despite still wearing nothing but the skin I was born in – desperately wanting to find some evidence that I wasn't the world's biggest moron. When no miracle appeared, I had to suck it up and let Edward know we had been irresponsible and were screwed … again.

"Edward?" He didn't respond to my call, so I dropped down on my knees beside where he was still curled up in the linens on the floor at the foot of the bed and shook his shoulder as I growl-hissed, "_Edward_! I can't find the condoms."

"Hmm?"

I rolled my eyes at his still half-asleep groggy reply. It was always a pain in the ass to try and wake him up when he didn't want to be woken. But this was important, and he needed to wake the fuck up _now._

"Edward, the used condoms, where _are_ they? I can't find them."

"Did you check the trash?"

"Yes, that's the first place I looked."

"Check my wallet, baby. See if they're still in there."

How could he calmly, if quite sleepily, suggest that our stash was still safely in his wallet when, if they _were_, that was pretty much a worst case scenario? I was ready to pull my hair out, and he was reaching over to snuggle with my leg and go back to sleep. I swallowed my snarky retort and did a wonky, lopsided stretch across his back to reach where his pants had been tossed. His wallet wasn't in his back pocket, but was on the floor just under the bed. It took me a minute of swatting at it with the leg of his jeans, but I was able to reach and open it to find … no condoms!

"Uh … honey? There are no condoms in your wallet."

He cuddled closer to my thigh, hugging it like a teddy bear while murmuring, "See, babe, I told you we were fine."

Within seconds, he was snoring softly again, but the glaring lack of after-sex evidence still nagged at me. As predicted, I wasn't bothered by my treatment of Newton the night before, but I couldn't help the feeling of impending doom that sprang to life and settled like a lead weight in my gut.

* * *

**A/N:**

o_O? Soooooooo…

In the mood to "see" your fave Twi-character in uniform? Check out the Show Me Your Patriotism Contest. Entries are being accepted through 11:59pm US EST on August 1. www. fanfiction SMYPContest

And as always, you can find my insane keister babbling incoherently by following (a)artemisleaena over at Twitter or by friending artemisleaena(a)aol dot com over on Facebook.


	4. Mind Wide Shut

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Love you guys! =)

* * *

**Chapter 4:  
Mind Wide Shut**

**BPOV**

_~November 22, 2010~_

I was _so_ thankful that mid-terms were over and that this was a short school week when I woke up Monday morning, because there was _no way_ I was going. I had awakened that morning puking my guts out and proceeded to lose everything I ate for the rest of the day. Esme made sure to call Charlie so he could call the school – he _was_ still technically my legal guardian – and then kept me in a constant supply of apple juice, chicken soup, and saltines. None of it stayed with me, but I was touched by her efforts to "mother" me; it made me feel loved, special … wanted.

I had assumed that whatever bug had attacked me would be of the twenty-four hour variety, but as I was still queasy and pale the next morning, that hope was quickly dashed. I _did_ manage to keep down the plain oatmeal and orange juice Esme brought me in bed that morning, but my fleeting fantasy of a stable stomach was ruined when my lunch of vegetable soup and Club crackers reappeared later that afternoon.

Edward was amazing throughout my entire sickness. He would hold my hair back for me – when he was home to do so – and would rub my back as he held me at night. He always had a wet washcloth and my toothbrush ready and waiting for me when I was done worshipping the porcelain god, too. In general, he was just a comforting presence to have around. That is, until he inadvertently gave me a heart attack and blew my theory of a temporary bug all to smithereens with a single comment.

We were lying in my bed one evening, and he was massaging my hips and lower back after my latest trip to the restroom to expel supper. We were just relaxing, not talking about anything in particular that I could recall, but some comment I'd made had prompted him to quip, "It's a good thing you don't have your period. It would suck to have to deal with that _and_ the flu at the same time."

"Yeah, that _would_ suck."

I don't think he noticed how shaky and nervous my laughter was, or how I held myself stiffly when he pulled me toward him gingerly and began humming the soundtrack from his latest video game obsession as he drifted off to sleep. I wanted to be pulled under by the welcoming blackness of slumber as well, but my mind was reeling and running a mile a minute with counting days and doing math. After a half hour of calculating, checking my math, and re-checking it all again, I finally had to admit that I didn't have the flu, but I _did_ have a sudden and urgent need to spew chunks again.

Wednesday morning, Esme declared that I was still too pale and weak to go to school and I should just consider the entire week a wash. I was all for that, especially since I needed the peace and quiet the Cullen siblings being gone would afford me. I had thinking and planning to do, and I didn't have the energy to fight for my solitude at present.

Because the universe hated me, it decided I needed one more thing to worry about in the form of Carlisle declaring that if I wasn't better by that afternoon, he was going to take me to the hospital for tests. That was the _last_ thing I needed right now, so I plastered on a smile, choked down my grilled cheese and minestrone, and made sure to wrap a towel around my head to muffle the sounds of my puking when it all came back up hours later.

For the most part, I thought I did an excellent job of hiding my continued "illness" from the Cullens at large, but every now and again, I'd catch Alice looking at me cockeyed as she scrunched up her nose and pursed her lips. She never said anything to me, even when I would have a "close call" and almost toss my cookies. Thanksgiving was one of those instances where I made it to the ensuite bathroom in my room by the skin of my teeth after the aroma of the cooking turkey – or was it the candied yams? – hit me the wrong way. I was going to have to be stealthier about these things if I wanted to avoid a trip to the emergency room with Doctor Grandpa.

_~December 5, 2010~_

Over the course of the week that followed Thanksgiving, I became a master of food manipulation. It was all a matter of arranging the food on my plate so that it appeared I had eaten more than I actually had of the things that were sure to tickle my gag reflex while actually eating the ones that didn't. The latter was not a very lengthy list. I also learned that if I breathed through my mouth when I was around a smell that didn't sit well with my temperamental tummy, the nausea was slower to take hold. The extra time this trick afforded me came in very handy when it came to keeping up my charade around Edward and the rest of the Cullens. As I had suspected, however, Alice wasn't fooled.

As I came out of my bathroom after having bid farewell to the wonderful French toast that Esme had painstakingly made for us, I was confronted with my best friend reclining against the pillow that Edward usually used when we slept in my room. I don't know why we still switched back and forth and sneaked around; I'm sure – given the fact that Carlisle was kind of our condom dealer – the parents had figured out that we were practically officially cohabitating. We might as well pick a room and move into it jointly. But that was something to contemplate another day. Right now, I had a pixie lying in my bed and staring at my ceiling as if it held the meaning to life's mysteries.

"We need to go shopping, Bella. It's been forever since you and I have gone out and done anything together, and we should have some girl time today."

She was right, as usual. We _hadn't_ really spent any quality time together since school had resumed and Edward and I had discovered the delights of sexual intercourse. I wasn't sure how much my stomach would like being away from the comforts of our own bowl for an extended period of time, but maybe if I sipped water, didn't eat anything, and stayed down wind of any food vendors, we'd be alright.

The car ride to Port Angeles was remarkably uneventful considering even the short drive from the Cullens' house to school usually left me plotting the quickest route to the ladies' restroom. Of course, this could have been because Alice drove uncharacteristically slow … so: the speed limit. This was simply further evidence that she knew something was up with me. My spider-sense stopped tingling and started exploding napalm all over the place when she bypassed the turn-off for the mall, and pulled into the parking lot of the pharmacy, instead.

I refused to look at the freaky psychic next to me, and I kept my eyes staring straight ahead at the glass wall in front of me covered with in-store advertisements. What did you know? Four packs of Charmin were on sale that week on a buy-one-get-one special. I heard her clear her throat a time or two, but I still wasn't going to look. Never one to exercise patience, she huffed and flopped around in her seat until she was facing me.

"Tell me there's _nothing_ in this store that you need, and I'll drive _straight_ to the mall."

I was silently pleading the fifth – _and_ with the chickpea sized thing growing inside of me to _please_ not embarrass me – as I felt my stomach gurgle with anxiety. I was also fighting back the tears of frustration that wanted to join the party because I _did_ want to run in there, buy a test, pee on a damn stick, and find out that my life _hadn't_ taken a turn for the sucktastic. I started with a tiny jolt as I felt Alice tentatively reach out and grab my hand before she spoke in a softer, gentler voice than before.

"Bella? When was your last period?"

That did it; my control was gone, and I began sobbing and jabbering so fast and in such a high-pitched voice that I could only hope she understood what I was saying.

"I don't know! I think sometime in early or mid-October. But, Alice, this isn't _possible_! We've _always_ used a condom. I mean, _damn_, Carlisle's buying us like a mega-sized box a week it seems, and we never, ever, _ever_ go full out unless he's properly wrapped. I mean, yeah, there was some question about James' Halloween party, but Edward swore that if the rubbers were no longer in his wallet then we _must_ have _used_ them. Right? I mean, condoms don't just magically disappear. Only these _did_, because there were no wrappers or used sleeves lying around the room the next morning."

I don't know at what point in that rant I stopped answering her question and started trying to convince myself that what I _knew_ was the truth _couldn't_ be real. I turned my disgustingly tear and snot covered face to her, expecting a sympathetic look and a comforting word. But remember? The universe hates me. So instead of the support I expected, I was met with raucous, knee-slapping laughter.

"Oh my _God!_ Just how fucking drunk _were _you two that night?"

"I don't _know_, Alice, but apparently drunk enough to _fuck_ ourselves over … literally!" I was seriously two seconds away from throat checking her if she didn't stop laughing. "And _what_ is so fucking funny?"

She clamped both of her hands over her mouth and took several deep breaths in and out through her nose, then started fanning herself as she did some Lamaze-esque breathing shit until she was finally calm enough to speak.

"I'm sorry." Doubtful, given the mirth still heavily present in her voice as she wiped at her eyes. "It's just that I can't believe you two got so wasted that neither of you remember Edward giving Ben those condoms."

I searched my brain, futilely trying to recall that memory. Nothing was coming forward. I remembered sitting in a circle and doing shots with Edward, Alice, Jasper, Ben Cheney, Angela Weber, James, and Felix, but nothing else until the next morning. I remembered everything before that time, and a little bit of the beginning of our drinking game, but everything after my fifth shot of tequila was a big, blank, empty space in my head.

"Oh geez, Bella, how could you forget _that_? It was the funniest part of the night! Well, after you going off on Newton, that is." Her tinkling giggles filled the car again, but she settled down almost immediately. "Angela had gotten up to go get another beer when Ben turned to Edward and said, 'I think I'm gonna go fuck Angie,' and stood up to leave. Edward called him back, took the condoms out of his wallet and tossed them at Ben and said, 'Don't forget your raincoat when riding the town bicycle, buddy!' "

I let my jaw drop in shock. I couldn't believe he had _said_ something like that! I mean, yeah, Angela _had_ sucked off and/or fucked more than half the football team, including Edward, but he had never been outwardly _mean_ about her reputation – not even when we were discussing his sexual history before we ever had intercourse. I was truly flabbergasted, but after I recovered, I was once again faced with the cold, hard truth of my new reality.

I squeezed my eyes shut, allowing the new set of tears I had been trying to hold back to escape and burn their way down my cheeks. I gave myself permission to give in to self pity for a few seconds, and then took a steadying breath before looking her in the eye and whispering, "Alice, I think I'm in trouble."

She held me while I let my tears run their course then she helped me clean up my face and led me into the drug store to make my purchases. Two hours and five minutes, a thirty-two ounce bottle of water, and one nerve-racking trip to the bathroom later, the timer on Alice's cell phone finally buzzed. I slowly stood up from the end of her bed and made my way over to the vanity we had set the three tests up on. Alice was already there comparing the results to the little papers they had all come with.

"Okay, it looks like we have a plus sign on the one, two pink lines on another, and the little chemistry lab tube of liquid turned blue." She turned to me and gave me the sympathetic look I had been waiting for all day. "It looks like I'm going to be an aunt."

"Fuck, fuck, _fuckity_-fuck _fucking_ fuck!"

* * *

**A/N:**

So most of you called this one! =) What do you think Edward's reaction is going to be? Send me some love.

The "Show Me Your Patriotism" Contest is closed for entries, but voting is open until 11:59pm US EST on August 12th. Go read & review the fantabulous submissions and then vote in the poll for your favorite one! =D www .fanfiction ~SMYPContest without spaces =)

As always, feel free to join in my mental pandemonium by following (a)artemisleaena over on Twitter or friending artemisleaena(a)aol dot com on Facebook.


	5. Love's Labor Lost

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_!

* * *

**Chapter 5:  
Love's Labor Lost**

**EPOV**

_~December 6, 2010~_

Something strange was going on, but I couldn't figure it out. I'd felt it last night as Bella lay stiffly in my arms and didn't snuggle into me, curving her body with mine, like she usually did. I sensed it this morning in the way that Alice kept staring at me through her lowered lashes over her plate of eggs. And I heard it reverberating through the halls as I moved from class to class this morning. There was a sizzling heat in the air and a buzzing in my brain telling me to hunker down and prepare for battle. But that was just ridiculous, and I tried to shrug off the icy threads of doom that wanted to stitch themselves up and down my spine.

For the most part, I succeeded in calming the over-reactive storm brewing in my head – at least until I saw Bella exiting the ladies' room in the science building. She made eye contact with me, stared right _at_ me for a full ten seconds then she turned and all but ran from the building. What the fuck was _that_ all about? I tried not to let it consume me and planned to ask her about it at lunch since she didn't show for third period. Only, neither she nor Alice ever came to the cafeteria that day. That, in and of itself, was weird, but adding to the creepiness of the situation were the shifty looks Rosalie and James were giving me when they thought I wasn't looking, and the smarmy, almost smug look Jessica had plastered on her face.

Speaking of Jessica, she was becoming a problem. We'd been close friends for a very long time – since grade school, I was pretty sure – but in the last several years, she had made it quite clear that she wouldn't be opposed to us being "more." The thing was, though, I didn't see her that way. Yeah, before Bella came along, I would flirt with Jess and maybe even share some inappropriate touches with her - like my hand on her ass and such. And once – just _once –_ when I'd gotten totally fucking hammered at a party at Tyler Crowley's, I'd let her suck me off.

But I could never see myself having a relationship with her – especially not one where we would kiss or fuck – and she had seemed to understand and accept that when I told her as gently as I could. I knew she was jealous of Bella, and I tried not to flaunt my girlfriend in her face, but this shit had to stop. Jessica needed to come to terms with the fact that Bella was my forever, and nothing was going to change that fact. I just didn't know how to do that without being brutally blunt and possibly losing my friend.

I had asked Emmett in gym if he knew what the hell was up with everyone today, but he said that Rose wouldn't tell him and that she'd gotten pissed off at him when he pressed her for details on why everyone was acting like they'd been abducted by aliens. I didn't think things were quite _that_ freaky, but had changed my mind when Bella shied away from any and all of my touches during final period that day. When the bell rang, and she made to grab her stuff and run, I grabbed her arm to restrain her.

"Bella, can we please talk?"

She looked around at the curious faces of our classmates as they filed out of the room, and when the last one had exited, she sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Bella, I–"

"Hey, Cullen, I need to talk to you for a sec." I growled at the interruption from Mike, but then frowned when I saw him glance at Bella and blush. What the fuck? "Oh … um … hi, Bella," he offered in a shaky voice before glancing down at the toe of his shoe.

I was about to answer him, but one look at the pale, panicked face of my girl as she flicked her eyes between my face and his had me wanting to tell Newton to fuck the hell off. I never got the chance, though, because Bella mumbled a quick apology, threw her hand over her mouth, and bolted from the room. I started to go after her, but found my path blocked by the asshole that'd bothered us in the first place.

"What the _fuck_, Newton?"

"There's … uh … something I really need to tell you."

Why, in the name of all that was holy, did he look like he was about to puke? Whatever, I just wanted him to say his piece and then get out of my way. I was only half listening to him as I waved my hand in a signal for him to continue. The rest of my brain was already chasing after the brunette who'd just fled the room.

"Right … well … there's no easy way to say this, Edward, but … um … I've been fucking Bella since she started working at my dad's store." He hadn't looked me in the eye when he said that, had kept his head down the entire time, but now he was shifting nervously from foot to foot. "I … uh … just thought you should know that."

I was in shock. That _had_ to be why I felt the room spinning, a sudden urge to puke my guts up, and the inability to make my limbs obey my commands to move, tear, punch, and kill the soon-to-be dead man standing before me. I glared murderously at Mike, a rumbling snarl emanating from my chest. Just as soon as I could move, the fucker was _dead_. He finally looked up at me, and all the color drained from his face as his eyes grew wide in terror. Clearly my bloodlust was written on my face because he turned tail and ran faster than I had ever seen him go before.

As soon as he was gone, the spell that held me immobile broke, and I dropped like a stone to the ground. My head was spinning with what he had just said, but the words weren't making much sense to me. I don't know how long I sat there before the custodian flicking off the lights and telling me it was time to leave the premises invaded my foggy brain.

Slowly, I made my way home, not even acknowledging the hollered greetings of my parents as I numbly climbed the stairs to my room. Something sharp kept incessantly tapping at the outer fringes of the red haze of rage surrounding me, but it didn't penetrate before I was swinging my door open and being confronted with Bella. She was sitting in the middle of my bed, her knees drawn up to her chest, looking frail and vulnerable. I ignored her presence as I slammed my door shut and tossed my book bag over by my desk, then went into my connected bathroom, slamming that door as well. When I came out a few minutes later, she was standing at the end of the bed, wringing her hands and biting her lower lip.

"Ca-can we talk now, Edward?"

I flopped down in my desk chair and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for her to begin. When she did nothing but stare at me, glassy-eyed and still gnawing on her lip, I raised both my eyebrows as if to say, "Well?"

She let go the stranglehold her teeth had on her flesh, dropped her arms to her side, and squared her shoulders, her spine straightening to make her look taller. She took a deep breath in and out and then stated matter-of-factly, "I'm pregnant."

The word hung in the air like a hawk, its talons drawn and poised for the kill. I once again felt the need to expel the contents of my stomach rising in my throat, but when I opened my mouth, it was sardonic laughter and not bilious lava that exploded from my lips. I don't know why I was reacting like this. The situation was far from humorous, but I may have been a bit unhinged after one too many shocks at the end of a long, tense day. That was the excuse I was going to cling to in defense of what I said and did next, anyway.

"Well, congratulations. Have you told the father yet?"

She furrowed her brows as if my words had confused her. "I … I'm telling him n-now."

Another peal of laughter ripped from my throat with the smoothness of shattered glass. "I _know_ you don't mean _me_, sweetheart, so you must be about to call your lover, Mike."

She gasped, and her eyes widened.

_Gotcha!_ I jumped to my feet and stalked over to lean down into her face, my words slashing across her delicate features.

"Yeah, _that's right_! I _know_! I know you've been fucking Newton behind my back this entire time. Besides, _I_ have _never _fucked you without a condom, so don't _even_ try and tell me that kid is _mine_!" Tears began streaming down her cheeks as she shook her head minutely and worked her mouth as if she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. That was fine; I wasn't done blasting her with mine yet.

"You can stop with the theatrics, Isabella. If you want sympathy, go cry to your baby-daddy because it's not my fault you couldn't keep your legs together, so why would your little bastard be my problem?"

Her strong countenance had slowly crumbled into a hunched and haggard stance as I railed at her, but with my last statement, she regained some of her previous determination. She stood up as tall as she could, roughly wiped away her tears with her sleeves, and nodded.

"You're right, Edward, it's _not_ your problem. It's mine, and mine _alone._" She pushed past me and reached for the handle of my door, but stopped before she turned it. She didn't turn to face me when she spoke so I couldn't see the defeat written in her every feature, but I heard it in her voice. "I'm sorry I burdened you."

"I want a paternity test … as _soon_ as _possible_, Isabella." My sneer brought her up short and had her stiffening before her hand could turn the knob. She didn't verbally respond, just nodded her acceptance of my demand before walking out and gently closing the door, taking my heart with her.

I stayed standing there, in the middle of my room, for the next fifteen or so minutes, only allowing myself to move after I heard the squealing of her tires as she drove away. I walked over and collapsed onto my bed, pulling a pillow over my face and wishing the suffocating pain in my chest would dissipate. I nearly jumped out of my skin, and ended up throwing the pillow halfway across the room, when my door flew open and slammed into the side of my desk with a shuddering _thwack_. I sat up and prepared to do battle with the flame-eyed, screeching monster standing in the doorway.

"What the _fuck_ did you do?"

"It's over, Alice. She made her choice when she decided to fuck Newton." I slumped back and grabbed another pillow to cover my face with. "Just go away and leave me alone."

I didn't hear her close the door when she left, but that would be because she didn't leave. Instead, she walked over and kicked me as hard as she could in my thigh.

"Sit up, jackass." When I did, she smacked my cheek so hard my head jerked to the side. "You're a fucking dumbass. You know that, right? How in the _hell_ could you believe for even one _second_ that Bella would do that to you? Never mind _that_, how could you believe she would do that with _him_?"

I stood up so fast she had to stagger back to avoid being trampled as I immediately started prowling my room like a rabid, caged animal.

"Oh I don't _know_, Alice. How about because she's barely let me touch her all week and wouldn't get anywhere near me last night? Or because she spent all day today running away from me every time we saw each other at school. Or because Newton came and confessed to me that he's been screwing her since she started working for his dad. But how about _this_, Alice: because she stood there not more than thirty fucking minutes ago and didn't say a _damn_ thing to deny it?"

I didn't remember Alice ever taking a martial arts class, but she executed a perfect roundhouse kick right to my gut that doubled me over and stole my breath. It also made my lunch want to revisit me. The only thing that stopped me from blowing chunks was the knee to my face that bulls-eyed right to my eye, causing me to go flying backward and land with a thud on my now screaming tailbone. If she had left me alone after all that, I would have considered myself to have gotten off easy, but she hopped on top of my chest, instead, and started digging one of her bony knees into my sternum.

"_You_ are the world's biggest fucking _idiot_, and I'm _ashamed_ to call you my brother."

She climbed off me and turned to leave, but I felt compelled to defend myself despite my lungs being on fire from her sitting on me, and I gasped out, "She's pregnant, and _I_ never fucked her without a _condom_."

I thought that was the most damning piece of evidence there could be, and that she was coming back across the room to apologize and agree with me, so the bone-jarring kick to my hip was quite a surprise. What the _fuck_ was she wearing? Steel-toed fucking pumps?

"Halloween night, you _fucking_ _asswipe_. You were drunk off your fucking ass and gave your rubbers to Ben Cheney when he said he was going to go fuck Angela Weber. Of course that was _after_ you called her the town bicycle. But that didn't stop you and Bella from fucking each other's brains out that night. By the way, just an FYI, you two are _not_ quiet when you're going at it."

I sat up cautiously – yeah, I was afraid my tiny twig of a sister was going to beat on me some more – as that annoying pinging from my subconscious was finally able to break through my self-imposed barriers of stupidity. Nebulous images of that night started solidifying and playing backward like a slowly rewinding movie in my mind. I closed my eyes and let them show me.

I saw me and Bella rolling around on a bed until we ended up on the floor with me kneeling behind her as I pounded into her. The two of us staggering down the hall, bumping into the walls as we went, kissing and practically ripping each other's clothes off. There was a group of us sitting around a low table taking shots and laughing as Bella sat grinding her ass into my hardening cock. Finally, I saw Angela standing up and flashing the whole group her bare pussy before swaggering off with a final come-hither look to Ben, and me tossing mine and Bella's three condom stash at him.

I groaned and banged my head back against the floor several times as more images popped into my mind. The night I first made love to Bella, and the tears I had kissed away as I had shattered her virginal barrier. The bloody sheets I'd ended up having to throw away the next day and replace before Esme realized they were missing. And then there was Bella, in all her fiery glory, telling Newton off at the party and him shooting daggers of hatred at her as she and the rest of us laughed at him. I didn't know what game he was playing at today, but one thing was crystal clear to me: I was a fucking asshole who had just thrown his life away.

I was rubbing at my face so harshly it was a miracle I wasn't ripping my skin off as I hollered out to no one in particular. "_How_ could I have been so _fucking_ _stupid_?"

"I don't know. Maybe Mom drank while she was pregnant with you? No, Emmett's fine – a little dense, but fine. Perhaps she dropped you on your head … _a lot_ … when you were an infant?"

I had forgotten Alice was still in the room with me as I was replaying the scene of the crime, as it were, but her words had me chuckling humorlessly. Once I had settled down, a thought occurred to me, and I sat bolt upright, a cold sheen of terror induced sweat forming over my entire body.

"Alice? Where did Bella go?"

She looked perplexed for a moment but then anger colored her cheeks as loathing glittered in her steel-grey eyes, and a snarl curled her lips. "_Why?_"

I fidgeted beneath the blazing heat rolling off her in tidal waves. Lying now would be colossally stupid on my part, but I really didn't want her to wail on me anymore – she'd probably go for my nuts next, and I was rather fond of them as they were.

"I … uh … _may_ have insinuated that she was a slut …" she growled deep in her chest and curled her hands into fists at her sides "… and told her that her bastard kid wasn't my problem." I never saw the punch coming, but I felt it land right where her knee had earlier, and I heard the crack of my skull against the floor when I fell back

She crouched down and grabbed me by the front of my shirt, hauling me up to where there were mere inches separating our faces – for such a tiny damn thing, she was fucking _strong_. Her voice was gravelly, deep, and darker than I had ever heard. There was _no_ doubt in my mind when she spoke that if she thought she could hide my body effectively, she would murder me on the spot.

"Get your filthy, fucking _useless_ ass up and go _find_ her you damn worthless piece of _shit_."

With that, she released me with a shove and stormed out of my room. I sent up a silent prayer that no damage had come to my jewels, and then sprang up and grabbed my phone out of my pocket. I started pacing my room as I hit Bella's speed dial number. Relief washed over me when I heard it pick up after two rings, but I was instantly on guard when the voice that answered wasn't Bella's.

"Hello?"

"Uh … hi, this is Edward Cullen. I'm looking for–"

"Yes, I know who you are, and who you're looking for. This isn't your little whore's phone anymore, so you might as well erase it from your contacts."

And just like that, there was silence on the other end of my phone. The bitch, whoever the hell she was, had hung up on me. I had a pretty good idea that it was Sue Clearwater, Charlie's practically live-in girlfriend, but I wasn't going to call back to confirm. It was obvious in her sneering tone that the woman hated Bella, and I was certain I wasn't being held in very high esteem either at that point.

There were only so many places that Bella could or _would_ go, so fortunately my list of people to call was short. I began to worry slightly when Rosalie said that neither she nor Jasper had seen or heard from Bella, but she would let me know if they did. Talons of dread tripped up and down my spine when James hadn't seen hide or hair of Bella since fifth period that day. But I was going out of my fucking mind with terror when Jacob said that Bella had just left the reservation, but hadn't said where she was going.

There was no one else Bella could turn to, so where had she gone? Jake had mentioned that she was looking for a place to stay, but he at least confirmed for me that it _was_ Sue with Bella's phone. It seemed Charlie had switched the number to another unit, thus leaving her without a working cell, and gave the line to Sue. Jake also said that the Chief had been down at the Rez, telling Billy that Bella was claiming _Jacob_ was the father of her baby. This had made the elder go into "protect the tribe at all costs" mode, and, despite Bella being like a daughter to Billy, she was now forbidden to set foot on the Rez.

I wanted to run right out and start looking for her, but I didn't know where to even _start_ looking. It made more sense to stay put and hope she was just blowing off steam and would be home anytime. When supper came and went without word from Bella, the queasiness that had taken hold after I got off the phone with Jake became a hurricane of nausea that had me sprinting to the downstairs bathroom to bid adieu to Mom's Yankee Pot Roast.

I had just flushed away my dinner and was rinsing my mouth out when my dad slowly opened the door and leaned against the doorjamb. He wasn't looking me in the eye, but had one ankle crossed in front of the other, his arms folded over his chest, and he was examining the nails on one of his hands.

"Should I wait for the call from your principal tomorrow to find out about that shiner?" His eyes flicked up to meet mine in the mirror. "Or do you wanna talk about it now?"

I honestly _didn't_, but I didn't want him thinking I had gotten in trouble at school either. "It didn't happen at school, Dad. So don't hold your breath waiting for that call."

I turned and tried to walk past him but should have known I wouldn't get very far. Emmett and I may have gotten our respective brown and reddish-brown hair and green eyes from Esme, but our height and build were one-hundred-percent Carlisle. His large hand in the center of my chest was all it took to stop me in my tracks, but it was the sternness in his tone and concern in his eyes that rooted me to the spot.

"Edward, where's Bella?"

I wish I had a better answer for him than my pitifully sighed, "I honestly have no idea, Dad."

He stepped back and nodded in understanding. I loved my father for many reasons, but none more so now than his trust – even if it was misplaced in this instance – in his children that kept him from prying for details until we were ready to come to him with them. I probably could've used his advice in straightening out the fucktastic situation I currently found myself in, but I hadn't even fully wrapped my _own_ brain around my impending fatherhood and the atrocious way I'd treated my future child's mother. I just needed some time.

I went to bed that night with an aching head, bruised hip, swollen face, and heavy heart. I could only hope that Bella would be at school tomorrow so that I could talk to her, apologize for being such a fucking reject, and attempt to put us back together. As I drifted off to sleep some time after three in the morning, I could only pray that wherever she was, Bella was keeping herself – and our baby – safe. Our baby! Yeah, _that_was going to take some getting used to.

* * *

**A/N:**

And the plot thickens! =)

I'm on Twitter as (a)artemisleaena and Facebook as artemisleaena(a)aol dot com…come watch me babble incoherently! =) Also, there's now an FB group dedicated to my fanfiction ( /groups/TempleofArtemis).


	6. Fear & Loathing In Forks

**A/N:**

I'm truly humbled & honored by y'all's response to this fic ... thank you, from the bottom of my heart! =)

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_!

* * *

**Chapter 6:  
Fear & Loathing In Forks**

**BPOV**

_~December 6, 2010~_

I closed Edward's door with a quiet _click_ and made my way down the stairs to my room. Alice was waiting for me on my bed again, but I didn't have time to stop and talk to her as I barely made it to the bathroom to dry heave over the toilet. I wished I'd eaten something for lunch, because at least _then_ I'd have something to vomit up besides bile. I sat there on the floor, my body sagging against the basin, praying the swirling vortex in my tummy would subside sooner rather than later. I needed to get the fuck out of this house.

About five minutes later, I felt it was once again safe to move, and I rose to rinse my mouth out. While I was in the bathroom, I went ahead and grabbed my toothbrush, shampoo, and other necessary toiletries that I knew I no longer had a supply of back at Charlie's. It was going to be hell to live there again after having experienced the sheer bliss of having had parents that gave a damn, but there was no way I could stay in the same house as Edward. I felt the acid rising in my throat again and swallowed it down; I didn't have time for this.

I went back to my room and laid my stuff on the bed while I went over to the closet to get a bag and a few changes of clothes. I honestly didn't remember what I still had at Charlie's, and I didn't feel like being without the basics until Alice could gather the rest of my belongings and bring them to me. She quirked an eyebrow up at me when she saw me exit the little room with an armful of shirts and pants, but didn't stay quiet for long after I dropped them on the bed next to my bathroom accoutrements and went over to the bureau to get some socks and underwear to take with me. I made sure to grab the sock that had my money stash while I was at it.

"Uh … Bella … what are you _doing_?" Her confusion caused her to draw out the vowel sounds of her last words as her eyes kept darting between me and the bag I was stuffing my things into.

"I'm going back to Charlie's."

"Wh-What? _Why?_"

I stopped what I was doing and tilted my head back as I closed my eyes and sighed. After a few deep breaths, I leveled my gaze on my shocked best friend and tried to remain as emotionless as possible.

"He thinks I'm screwing Newton and that this is Mike's." I waved my hand in front of my stomach as if she didn't know which "this" I was referring to, and then went back to filling my bag – only with short, angry, stilted movements now.

"What the …? I mean …. m-maybe you j-just heard him wrong? Perhaps he was j-just sc-_scared_?"

She was struggling to make sense of it – I could see that in the way her eyes twitched and rolled in her head – but there was no reasoning out Edward's insanity. It just was what it was. I jerked the zipper closed on my bag and slung it over my shoulder.

I looked her dead in the eye and spoke just above a whisper, "He asked for a paternity test," then I turned on my heel and walked out of the room. I didn't stop to say goodbye to anyone, and I didn't care if anyone saw me leaving. My bastard wasn't _his_ problem and what to tell his family wasn't _mine_. I threw the duffel into the backseat where my school bag still was and pealed out of the driveway, my tires squealing as they fought to gain traction on the damp asphalt.

My stomach was rolling like mad when I pulled up to Charlie's house – a circumstance not improved by the sight of his cruiser being parked in the driveway of the small two-story prison I was returning to. I really needed the restroom again, and I opted to leave my stuff in the car for now. I could come back out in a little while to get it all; right now, I had far more desperate needs to attend to. As soon as I'd closed the door behind me, I made to dash up the stairs, only to be stopped by a gruff bark from the kitchen doorway.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

I _really_ did _not_ have time to argue with him, but figured if I didn't say _some_thing, he'd just yell louder. "I decided it was time to come home."

"You mean you finally wore out your welcome at the Cullens'. Never understood why they put up with you in the first place." That part was grumbled with so much malice, I felt it stab directly through the hole already punched in my chest.

I gritted my teeth but fought to keep my tone cordial, if a little stiff. "No, _I_ decided it wasn't the Cullens' job to look after me."

"Just as well; even good parents with perfect kids can't change a fuck-up like _you_."

I was already on the verge of tossing my cookies at Charlie's feet from my roiling tummy, and I was funneling the last of my energy into making sure _that_ didn't happen. This meant that there was none left in reserve with which to control the lividity that coursed through me at his belittlement. My rage also blinded me to common sense and made it impossible to stay even remotely civil. I was seething.

"Carlisle and Esme may be damn good parents, but their kids are far from _perfect _– especially their _youngest_." He had started to walk away from me, but whipped back around. "Your precious, perfect little football hero fucked me, knocked me up, and then asked for a paternity test because he didn't believe it was _his_."

I'm not sure what type of reaction I had expected from Charlie, but it _wasn't_ for him to throw his head back in laughter while struggling to talk. "The kid has horrible taste in pussy, but at least he's smart enough not to get trapped by a cock-sucking tramp."

To say I was rendered speechless by his derisiveness was an understatement of gargantuan proportions – although I really shouldn't have been surprised by what he thought of the situation … and me. I still hadn't recovered my ability to speak when his amusement died down to mere chuckles and a sinister sneer crossed his lips.

"You're nothing but an ignorant slut, just like your mother, and if you think you and your illegitimate brat are going to live _here_ just because the Cullen boy kicked your filthy ass to the curb, then you're _sadly_ mistaken." He had completely sobered by the time he was done and had made his way past me to the front door. "I'll be back with Sue in an hour. Whores are not welcome in _my_ house, and there better not be one here when we return."

He left me standing slack-jawed in the entry hall as he shut the door. The forceful bang of wood on wood was like a bullet to my brain, only instead of killing me, it broke me out of my stupefaction and spurred me to action. I had just lost two homes, and unappealing as my next option was, it was the only place I could think of that I might be able to go. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the wall, quickly dialing the number before I lost my nerve. After almost five rings, I was finally assaulted with the shrill voice on the other end of the line.

"You had _better_ not be calling to get money from me. You didn't send any while the leech was living _here_, so I'll be damned if _I'll_ be sending _you_ any now_!_"

"It's not Charlie, Mah-Renée, it's … uh … Bella."

"Yes, I _know_ who you are." The malicious condescension in her tone was so toxic it practically seeped through the phone like nuclear waste. "What do you _want_, anyway? I'm not giving _you_ any money, either!"

"Um … Charlie is … uh … sort of … um … _evicting_ me."

"_Why?_"

"I'm … uh … well … you see …"

"Spit it _out,_ Isabella."

I took a deep breath and just tore the hell out of that proverbial Band-Aid. "Charlie's kicking me out because my boyfriend got me preg–"

_Click._

What the fuck? Did _she …_? I took the receiver away from my ear and looked at it, dumbfounded, then put it back to my ear to hear the annoying beeping tone confirming my suspicion: Renée had fucking hung upon me. I gently returned the phone to its hook, not knowing what else to say … or think … or _do_.

My brain railed at my heart for its bewilderment. It's not as if either of my DNA donors had ever _once_ given me the impression that I was anything but the rotting albatross of oppression that hung around their necks. But shocked and shaken I _was_, and to my very core. It was utterly irrational given my time crunch, but standing in the middle of Charlie's – rather, Sue's – ugly-ass yellow kitchen, the last of my sanity jumped ship, and I found myself laughing hysterically and to the point of mania.

I mean, how absurd could life _be?_ I was seventeen, _pregnant_, and in less than an hour, I was going to be _homeless_. A sudden, calming solemnity blanketed and quieted me. This wasn't a ridiculous plot on a bad primetime sitcom that would resolve itself perfectly by the end of the episode; this was reality, and it was making its presence known with the subtlety of a blind, drunken bull moose. I hadn't realized that I had started to cry until the painful sobs ripping from my chest met my ears, and I hugged my arms around myself in a vain attempt to keep the already shattered pieces of my psyche and soul from crashing to the floor in brilliant rainbow-hued shards.

When I had settled myself to the point where I felt it was safe to move without fear of collapsing, I glanced at the microwave clock and noticed I had just over thirty minutes to pack as much of my shit as I could fit in the Rabbit and get the hell out of here. My leaden legs carried me up the stairs, my mind working feverishly to suppress the numbness of depression that wanted to swallow me, and made my way into my now former room.

The sight of the half empty, sparsely furnished or decorated space was the splash of proverbial cool water I needed to regain proper mental and motor functions – if only temporarily. In a flash, I had my two suitcases out of the closet and lying open on the twin bed that I had only slept in a handful of times since moving to this hellish dimension of sadistic twistedness.

Fifteen frenzied minutes later, I had jammed every stitch of clothing I had left and anything else of meaning to me into the moderately-sized pieces of luggage and was dragging them down the stairs and out the door. As an afterthought, I took the house key off the little clip-style ring I kept it on and shoved it through the mail slot, hearing it fall to the hardwood floor with an unsatisfying metallic _thunk_. It was with ten minutes to spare that I tossed the two new bags into the backseat to join the others already there, hopped behind the wheel, and took off for I-had-no-clue-where.

I drove aimlessly around Forks until the need for gas forced me to pull into the local Shell station. I dug both my wallet and money sock out of their respective bags and went to go pay so I could set the pump handle on lock and use the restroom while my tank filled. I hated public lavatories; they were dirty, nasty, and disgusting – especially the ones at filling stations – but I was desperate. While in there, I did a quick check of my finances.

Between the money I had managed to save – I didn't trust the imbeciles who worked at the bank so I always converted my pay to cash – and the bills in my wallet from the check I had just cashed a few days ago, I had just over six hundred dollars. I knew it wasn't going to last me long, but at least I wasn't flat broke and would be able to eat for the next two weeks until I got paid again. I didn't yet know where I was going to sleep, but I wasn't going to go hungry. I went back to my car and was about to pull back out onto the main road when inspiration hit – or rather, drove by.

I smiled and waved as Quil and Embry, two of Jacob's friends from the Reservation, passed by me in Embry's big rusty truck. I wanted to smack myself in the forehead like the people in those commercials for that tomato-y juice drink did when they realized they could've had _it_ for breakfast instead of having nothing. I don't know _why_ it hadn't occurred to me right away; it wasn't as if I hadn't stayed with the Blacks in La Push _before_.

With a renewed hope that perhaps the universe was done using me as its whipping girl, I turned out onto the highway and headed north to the one-ten turnoff. The sun was starting to set when I crossed over into Rez territory, but it was still light enough to make out the tall, handsome Quileute warrior leaning against his iron steed that sat resting on the soft shoulder of the road. I didn't know why Jacob was standing out here like this, I was just happy to finally see a welcoming smile from someone. I was out of my car in an instant, and Jake met me halfway, scooping me up in his massive arms and holding me tightly.

"Bells!"

"_Jake_!"

We had shouted at the same time with huge grins plastered to our faces before becoming lost in our warm embrace. All too soon, and _long_ before I was ready to give up the comfort he offered, he set me back on the ground. He took my face in his enormous hands, tilting it up to his, and planted a loving kiss on my cheek before pulling back, giving me a serious look and a sad shake of his head.

"I've been waiting for you for half an hour. You can't _be_ here right now, Bells."

Okay, not exactly what I was expecting to hear from my oldest and dearest friend, but I'd been hearing _a lot_ of things today that I never thought I would. I blamed the extreme mental trauma of the last two hours for my brain's sluggish response time and lack of comprehension.

"Huh? What? _Why not?_"

He pulled me back into his arms, crushing my head into his chest. His heartbeat was thundering wildly beneath my ear, and I wrapped my arms around his waist to comfort us both but mainly to soothe him so he could answer me and tell me what the hell was going on. After several moments of just holding each other and rocking back and forth as the occasional car passed by, he released me with a shaky sigh. His voice was thick with emotion and sounded so small to my ears when he finally spoke, and he wouldn't – or _couldn't_ – meet my eyes.

"Dad and the other Elders have agreed to banish you. You're not allowed on Rez territory, and we've all been forbidden to offer you help."

I felt the scorching burn of tears welling in my eyes, and my throat closed up in protest of the acidic sludge trying to make its way up. I was choking, spluttering, suffocating on the words that lodged themselves behind the blockage, but I managed to bore a hole through the blockade large enough for my keening, "_Why?_" to break free.

Jake finally turned his red-rimmed and leaking dark eyes to me, the tormented soul I saw behind them causing me to caterwaul all the louder. He could barely form coherent words through his torrential cries.

"Ch-Charlie came … told Billy 'bout baby … said _you_ were saying … is _mine_. Is only … protect the tribe."

I jumped back with a gasping shriek, shaking my head emphatically. "I … I _never. _It's _Edward's!_" I was trembling so much and sobbing so profusely that I once again faltered, but found myself anchored to Jacob, only now he was shushing and cooing at me through his own tears.

"I know, sweetheart, I _know_."

I jerked my head back suddenly, but didn't attempt to break his hold on me. "Oh my God, Jacob … _Leah_?"

His fingers threaded into my hair, his hands applying enough pressure to press my face into him again. "Sue tried selling her the same barrel of shit that Charlie's peddling, but Leah doesn't believe them for a _second_. She may not be the biggest fan of our friendship, but she has faith in her place in my heart." He leaned back and cupped my cheeks with his hot palms. "She understands us, Bells."

I nodded my acceptance and tried to clean my face up with the sleeves of my coat. I knew Jake was torn up enough over his father's decree; I hadn't wanted him to also be facing a firing squad from his fiancée over me. We just stood there staring at each other for a very long time, neither of us having any words to offer the other to make our pain easier to bear.

"Do you have a place to stay?"

I hated to lie to him, but I wasn't going to be a further source of anguish, and I knew if I told him the truth, he'd be worried about me – more than he already was. So I plastered on a weak and watery smile and stretched my acting muscles.

"Yeah, I've got a place I can crash."

The furrow of his brow said he didn't believe me, but what could he do except nod and give me one last hug? We said our loving and heartfelt goodbyes and then drove off in opposite directions. As I made my way back to Forks, I racked my brain trying to think of where I could go. I knew my other friends weren't bound by archaic tribal rules when it came to offering aid, but I would be just as much of a burden to them as I would have been to Jacob – as I _was_ being to Jacob's heart.

This opinion was greatly changed after I was turned away from both hotels in the greater Forks area because they wouldn't let a seventeen-year-old book a room, and they wanted a credit or debit card – neither of which I had. So as the sun disappeared over the horizon, painting the sky in the purple and orange shades of dusk, I relented and grabbed my phone to call my friends. I never knew when James and Felix would be "busy," or when Mr. and Mrs. Hale would be in town, so I didn't want to just drop in on them.

But I guess Fate _wasn't_ done making me her bitch after all, because my phone had no service. The unit had power, but when I tried to make a call, some automated fucktard would come on and tell me I couldn't. It was official: twilight and my _life_fucking sucked.

* * *

**A/N:**

And the plot thickens a wee bit more! =D Leave me some love & I'll love you back. Also, please check out my other works, including my new O/S "You Are My Sunshine."

As always, you can find me lurking around Twitter by following (a)artemisleaena or sometimes I stumble about Facebook as artemisleaena(a)aol dot com…feel free to hunt me up at either place…I generally don't bite…unless asked! =)


	7. Pride Cometh

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_!

* * *

**Chapter 7:  
Pride Cometh …**

**EPOV**

_~December 7, 2010~_

Tuesday had dawned gray and dreary – outside, as well as in my head – but I'd had every confidence that I would be back in Bella's arms by the end of the day … maybe … possibly. I knew we had a lot to talk about, and I had a fuck load of begging and groveling to do, but we loved each other and that _had_ to count for something. I wasn't sure how, but I managed to make it through an excruciatingly painful breakfast with Alice glaring and snarling at me. Emmett was his usual carefree self, humming happily as he ate his sugary cereal and was completely oblivious to the shit-storm that surrounded him. I briefly wondered how long that would last.

I figured it was in my best interest to minimize contact with my slightly larger – in height, weight, _and_ girth – brother and street-fighter sister. To that end, I decided to leave early for school in the hopes of catching Bella before the first bell. I arrived in plenty of time and managed to park near her car, which was curiously filled with shopping bags and suitcases, but missed seeing her before classes started. Not a problem. I just changed the plan to passing her a note in history.

Or … _not_? When Bella walked in to third period that morning, instead of coming and sitting in her usual seat next to me, she chose a desk on the opposite side of the room, displacing Eric Yorkie in the process. I was determined to corner and speak to her after class, and maybe walk her to the cafeteria, but just moments before the bell rang, she jumped up and bolted out of the room. There had been many times in our short relationship when we had argued and would ignore each other before talking things out, but this was beyond ridiculous.

I stopped at my locker to quickly get rid of my books and high-tailed it to the lunchroom, where I assumed Bella had been heading. She wasn't at our table when I entered and still wasn't there after I grabbed a sandwich and soda from the food line. In fact, a quick glance around showed that she wasn't at _any_ of the tables yet.

One by one, my friends started trickling in and surrounding me, but I didn't pay them any attention. Finally, about ten minutes into the lunch hour, I saw her, Alice, and James walk through the double doors and head for an empty table near the entrance without ever looking this way. I was halfway out of my seat with the intention of going to their table when Jessica's nasally whine invaded my thoughts.

"Where're you going, Eddie?"

I pushed my chair in and frowned down at her. She smiled sweetly up at me, her chin cupped in the hand of the arm that was propped on the table, and her crusty black lashes batted away like tiny seizing insects. I _barely_ refrained from snorting and rolling my eyes at her not so subtle flirting, but couldn't keep the terseness from my voice.

"I'm going to go talk to my _girlfriend_."

Her head fell off its perch, and her jaw dropped open creating a gaping hole in the middle of her face … it _wasn't_ attractive.

"Bu-but … I thought … didn't she … I mean … didn't you _dump_ her?"

I had already started to walk away, not really caring what her malfunction was, but her words brought me up short and had me whirling around to pin her with a menacing glare. I ignored her wide and frightened eyes and the way she shrank back from me when I grasped the back of her chair and leaned in low with a quiet snarl.

"_Where_ did you hear that?"

"I … um …" she audibly swallowed several times and looked around nervously before turning her twitching eyes back to me "… uh … from Mike?"

Something seemed off about her reaction, but I didn't have time to ponder it now – though I'd be sure to revisit my thoughts later.

"You would do well, Jess, _not_ to listen to _or_ repeat idle gossip because, make _no_ mistake, that fucking _sleaze_ has _never_ laid a _hand_ on _my_ _girl_."

I quickly straightened back up and walked away from the girl who was now trembling in fear behind me. _Good!_ Maybe she'd keep her big trap shut for once. Not for the first time in recent history, I wondered why I had remained friends with her since I realized she wanted more from me than I was willing to give. But that was neither here nor there; my only concern at present was getting to Bella so I could beg, plead, crawl on my knees – right in the middle of the fucking student body if she asked it of me – offer up _any_ supplication she desired, if she would only let me explain my fucktard actions and forgive me. It hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours, but I already felt as if half of my soul had disappeared – the _better _half, no less – and what was left was barren, desiccated, and hollow.

I stepped beside Bella's chair, placing my hand on her shoulder, and tried not to react when she flinched away from me.

"Bella … um …" I glanced between Alice and James, not really knowing what I expected of them "… can we … maybe … talk? _Privately_?"

She didn't answer me, but shared her own silent eye conversation with her table mates before she rose and gathered her things.

I was so relieved she was going to listen, and I stretched my hand out to indicate which direction we should walk. "Thank–"

She didn't follow my lead and, instead, moved over to another table with James and Alice, settling back down as if I hadn't interrupted them. Okay, I hadn't expected this to be easy and shouldn't have assumed her standing was a sign she was ready to talk. I really didn't want to have our discussion in front of other people, but I would if I had to. I ignored the tittering and whispers that surrounded me and moved over to Bella's new table, pulling out a chair and sitting across from her. Maybe she simply hadn't liked my proximity before.

"Bella, I–" was cut off as she rose with a huff and moved to yet _another_ table.

_Fuck_. So, I may not have been so naïve as to believe she'd forgive me right away, but I _had_ expected her to at least stand – or sit – _still_ while I made my attempts at atonement. How was I supposed to make amends if she never gave me the chance in the first fucking place? As I sat and watched the three of them talking quietly, I noticed that only James and Alice were eating. Bella just sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Where was her lunch? Concern for her and the baby prompted me to make one more attempt to talk to her.

This time I didn't even touch one of the chairs and made sure the full width of the table stood between us before I spoke.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to me …" she stood and started to walk away again, but I stepped in front of her "… but I just wanted to know if you've eaten." She stopped trying to get away from me, but still refused to answer me, so I reached the hand with the sandwich in it out to her. "Here; please, I just want to make sure you and the baby are okay."

Her eyes snapped to mine, an unholy fire burning in their depths that turned them to burnt cinnamon, and I stepped back quickly – partially in fear of the rage I could feel rolling off of her in waves, and so I wouldn't get slapped. I was _really_ tired of being hit this week – fortunately, I hadn't yet been bothered with inquiries as to where my stunning shiner had come from – and it was only day two!

She didn't smack, yell, or otherwise lash out at me; she simply gathered her things once more and moved to yet another table. This time her companions were slower to join her.

As Alice passed by me on her way to join Bella, she sneered, "Real _smooth_, dick-smack."

James was even slower, and actually stopped in front of me as if he had something he wanted to say, but in the end, he just closed his eyes, shook his head, and walked around me. I needed to make sure _some__one_ was taking care of Bella, and in, perhaps not one of my wiser moves, I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder to stop him from passing me by.

We were of a similar height, me being only – _maybe _– an inch taller, and we were fairly matched for muscle. I knew it wasn't the force I was applying that had him stopping; it was because we both loved that little brown haired girl.

"James, I–"

"Cullen, man, don't let the fairy wings distract you from the iron fists."

"Huh?"

He flicked his eyes between where I was restraining him and my face several times before he quietly answered me. "If you don't get your hand off of me, I will knock you the _fuck_ out."

I took a step back and raised my hands up in surrender. "I just want to make sure she's being taken care of. That she and my baby are safe."

He threw his head back in laughter, but it lacked any warmth or real humor and sounded wholly demonic. The sound matched his expression when he quieted and pinned me with his gaze.

"That's _rich_ coming from _you_, Cullen. Don't worry, the people who _truly_ love her _are_ looking out for her."

I sighed in defeat. After all, I had it coming to me and shouldn't expect her friends – even if I had counted them as _my_ friends, too, at one point – to go against her.

"Just … _please_ …give her this?" I held the sandwich out to him and was shocked when he accepted it with a curt nod before striding over to join the girls at their new table.

There was nothing I could do but go about the rest of my day and try to pretend my heart wasn't burning me alive from the inside out. I actually expected to see a little trail of ashes falling behind me everywhere I walked as I was slowly consumed and decimated by the flames. I made one more attempt at finding out if Bella had at least eaten the sandwich I'd sent to her in the last period class we shared, but she sat on the other side of the room from me again and was up and out of her seat almost as soon as the bell had rung. By the time I made it out to the parking lot, her space was empty and she was off to only God knew where – which was hopefully a safe place.

Dinner that night was round two of breakfast with Alice murdering me with her eyes, and Emmett happily blathering on about this or that which had happened at school that day. If Mom suspected anything, she didn't show it, but Dad had cornered me again to ask about my black eye and kept casting furtive glances at me throughout the meal. I was never so glad to be able to escape to my room and do homework as I was that night, and I made sure to lock my door so that Alice couldn't kill me in my sleep or anything like that. I also continued to count my blessings that even though Em had heard some of the rumors going around school, he was still blissfully unaware of the full story and wasn't out for my blood like Alice … for _now_, anyway.

_~December 8, 2010~_

Wednesday was more of the same shit as Tuesday, only with an increased volume to the soundtrack of whispers and snarky comments that were now my constant companion. I mostly ignored the snide remarks about losing my balls, and the snickers that would follow me down the halls after such asinine utterances, but occasionally someone would turn vicious and direct their venom at Bella. That was _not_ okay, and I made sure whoever was stupid enough to talk like that around me _knew_ it wouldn't be tolerated. I hated to think how much worse it must be for Bella as she just tried to live her life and move from class to class.

I wasn't surprised when she once again chose to sit as far from me as possible in history, but if Yorkie asked me for a fucking pen _one_ more time, I was going to ram one up his ass. She wasn't as quick to leave class that day as she had been the day before but still managed to slip away when I tried to approach her. I didn't care if everyone in school laughed at me; I was going to try and talk to Bella at lunch again. Of course, she managed to dodge me – this time by not showing up at all. James made a brief appearance – just long enough to buy a couple bottles of water and a pack of crackers – but my attempt to get any information from him was met with a narrowing of his eyes, a curl of his lip, and his back as he walked away from me.

I returned to my table and tried to choke down the ham sandwich and apple I'd bought, but with every death glare cast my way from Rose after she would receive a text, the knot of foreboding that had begun to grow in my gut grew larger until it was strangling me. She was another Fort Knox when it came to getting any intel on Bella, and actually slapped me upside the head on her way to her next class. I just wanted it to be sixth period so I could try to talk to Bella again or, if nothing else, see with my own eyes that she was doing alright … physically, at least.

I was at my locker, gathering my books for fifth period when Mike Newton came up and stood beside me, a fine sheen of sweat covering his brow as he glanced around spastically, waiting for me to acknowledge him. I tried ignoring him, thinking he'd take the hint and leave, but after a minute or two, I caved.

"_What_, Newton? Just what the fuck do you want_ now?_"

His eyes flared wide in disbelief that I was actually speaking to him, and his mouth worked open and closed. He looked like a slimy, twitchy fish out of water, and I didn't have time for him. I closed my locker and turned to walk away.

"_Wait!_ Please?"

I sighed and went back to him, but didn't speak.

"I … uh … I just needed to …" he giggled nervously and sounded like a girl "… is … are …" another squeaky laugh escaped his lips, and he was sweating more.

"Spit it the fuck _out_ already, Newton. I've got class."

He cleared his throat repeatedly and attempted to stand up taller, but his skin was still pasty, and his pupils were dilated – in fear? He also still sounded like a girl when he spoke.

"Is it true … is Bella … I mean … is she really …" he swallowed audibly "… p-p-p–"

"Pregnant?" I cocked one eyebrow up at him and wanted to vomit from the stench of his breath when he laughed hysterically in my face as he lost what little color he had left. He turned an interesting shade of green, though, when I nodded and added for good measure, "Yes, _we are_."

He started babbling at inhuman speed about how he'd never _touched_ Bella, and I _had_ to _know_ he'd lied on Monday – was it really just two days ago that my world had fallen apart? – but there were people who believed it. There was something about how he hadn't wanted to do it at first, but once he started to think of how popular it would make him if people thought he'd stolen Edward Cullen's girlfriend, it didn't sound so bad. And Jessica had _promised_ that no one would get hurt, but people _were_ getting hurt.

"Whoa! Hold the fuck on. What's _Jessica_ got to do with any of this?"

He had been looking down, and mainly talking to his hands and feet, but jerked his head up and started backing away from me at my interruption. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, turning him as I did so, and slammed his back against the lockers.

"Don't _make _me repeat myself, Michael."

"JessicatoldmetotellyouIslept withBella." I shook him hard, his head banging against the metal doors.

"Slower this time, ass-face."

He gulped and looked to both sides, probably hoping someone would come and help him, but the final bell had already rung, and there was no cavalry riding to his rescue.

"Jessica … she wanted you and Bella to break up. She said if you two weren't together, then I might have a chance with Bella, and she would have a chance with _you_. So … um … Jess gave me a blow job if I promised to tell you I'd fucked your girl. But I _swear to God_, I didn't know she was _pregnant!_"

"What makes you think I'll believe you about Jess? You've just confessed to lying about Bella!"

"N-nothing … nothing makes me think y-you'll b-believe me. B-but I don't w-want folks thinking y-your bast–"

My hand flew up and connected with his jaw before he could finish saying the word, and I watched in satisfaction as he fell to the ground moaning and holding his face. I crouched down and got as close to him as I could stand to; I wanted to be sure he heard and felt my low and lethal tone.

"If I _ever_ hear you say _anything_ against my girl _or_ my child again, I will beat you to such a bloody pulp that even dental records won't identify you. Do you _understand?_"

I didn't wait for his response but went directly out to my car to cool down. On one hand, I was thrilled to have confirmed what I already knew in my soul to be true: Bella had never cheated on me. I was also happy to note that it was becoming easier to acknowledge and accept the life that Bella and I had created, and I could feel a tiny kernel of love start to bud and flower in my heart. On the other hand, as warming and comforting as these thoughts were, they were tainted by the possible betrayal of someone whom I had considered to be a faithful and loyal friend. I wanted Mike to be lying about her, too, but the more I started stitching all the little patches of tattered cloth together, the more damning this fucked up tapestry looked for Jess.

I ended up staying in the Volvo listening to music through sixth period as well, but this meant I was waiting for Bella beside her car when she came racing out after the final bell. She skidded to a halt when she saw me leaning against her hood and visibly stiffened her spine. I had almost forgotten how gloriously mesmerizing she was when her hackles were raised, but I fortunately snapped out of my fawning haze before she reached me, her chin firmly in the air. I thought for half a second that she would finally talk to me, but she didn't. Instead, she walked around the far side of the vehicle so she could avoid any possible contact with me, got in, and drove away. I went home dejected and at my wits' end as to what to do.

_~December 10, 2010~_

Thursday had continued the theme of suckitude – because why mess with a good thing, no? The only exception had been that I wasn't chasing Bella around the cantina. I'd tried, unsuccessfully, to talk to her after third hour again but decided it was probably best if I let her come to _me_ when she was ready. She knew I was open and willing to talk, so why continue to stress her out by stalking her?

I'd started reading one of those what to expect type books Wednesday night, and although I hadn't gotten very far into it, one major theme kept cropping up in what I _had_ read: stress and pregnancy did _not_ mix well. Nutrition was also a key factor to a healthy pregnancy, and I'd frowned as I'd watched Bella nibble on a few crackers and sip some water. Was that all she was eating? I'd hoped she was eating better away from school, but the few people who _could_ have answered that question for me _wouldn't_. I'd done my best to remain available to, but distant from, Bella for the rest of the day and just prayed Friday would be better.

Friday didn't, though – get better that is – and, if anything, things took a turn for the weird. That morning, Alice got up and got ready for school as usual, but instead of driving herself, Rosalie came and picked her up. I asked Emmett about it, but he was unusually quiet and didn't even talk back to his Cocoa Krispies when they crackled at him. That same tingly feeling of warning I'd had all day Monday was rearing its ugly head again, and I wasn't sure how much more I would be able to take before I exploded.

At some point in the middle of the night, while tossing, turning, and having nightmares about first-term miscarriages – thank you, what to expect books – I had come to the decision that I was in _way_ over my head, and if I couldn't get some answers or get Bella to talk to me by the end of today, I was going to break down and tell my parents everything and beg them for help. They may be horribly embarrassing with the old-people PDAs, and were terribly out-of-the-loop when it came to modern music, but they were the smartest people I knew.

When I got to school, I noticed that, not only was Bella's car not there, but neither was Rose's. In fact, I didn't see any of them for the first few hours. I had tried to ask Jasper about it in our calculus class second hour, but he pretended to be paying attention to the teacher. As _if_. Jas could probably _teach_ this class; like he needed to take notes with the voracity that he was today. Whatever, I decided I'd just corner Emmett at lunch. Yeah, that turned out to be a no-go as well. Neither Jasper nor Emmett ever came to the cafeteria, a fact that seemed to thrill Jessica; she couldn't stop smiling and wouldn't stop trying to scoot her chair closer to mine – no matter _how_ many times I moved away from her. I finally just got up and left, thinking maybe I could find the guys.

By the end of the day, it was painfully evident that I had been the _only_ one to bother showing up and staying all day at school. I had even seen James sprinting to his motorcycle between fifth and sixth before he sped away like a bat out of hell. I drove home in a confused daze, going straight to my room to think – or brood … same difference. About an hour later, though, it was time to bite the bullet and go to the folks for help. Clearly I wasn't able to clean up this Titanic sized mess on my own, and I made sure to take one long, last look at my car in the drive as I passed the glass entry doors – I was sure that after this conversation, I wouldn't be driving her for a _very_ long time.

I found my parents in the sunroom off the conservatory sharing the paper and chatting quietly. I almost didn't want to disturb their afternoon ritual, but I needed them. I cleared my throat to announce my presence.

"Um … Mom, Dad, can I talk to you guys? Maybe in the living room?"

They exchanged knowing looks and then got up to lead the way into the formal living room. We usually only used this room when we were entertaining because of all the glass shelving and antiques Esme had it decorated with – it was just too fancy for everyday use, but it was austere enough for this discussion. The phone rang as we were preparing to sit down, and Dad grabbed the cordless receiver, answering it as he walked back toward his intended seat.

"Cullen residence. Oh, hello Rose … what? Yes, he's here." He glanced up and gave me a puzzled look but then swiveled around and started walking out of the room. "What's this about?" His voice trailed off as he went to another part of the house, leaving Mom and I to exchange looks of confusion with each other.

* * *

**A/N:**

Hmm … why is Rose calling Carlisle?! O_O!?

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	8. Shattered

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_!

* * *

**Chapter 8:  
Shattered**

**BPOV**

_~December 10, 2010~_

The incessant beeping of the little battery operated alarm clock I'd purchased Monday night woke me up from another dream about Edward. I used to love seeing him in my nocturnal imaginings, but the last several nights had been nothing like the pleasant subconscious remembrances of romantic trysts like before. I wasn't even sure how I knew the dreams were about _him_; I never saw his face or heard his voice like I used to. Somehow, I just knew the visions that always started out awash in splashes of bright colors and sounds of gaiety, but would turn to swirling ugliness painted with sinister undertones, were about Edward.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and reached up between the two front seats to where I had the annoying hunk of plastic sitting in one of the cup holders and slapped my hand down on the button on top, effectively cutting off the headache inducing bleating. I hated getting up at five in the morning, but doing so enabled me to roll up and stash my sleeping bag and blankets and fish clothes for the day out of one of the bags in my makeshift bedroom before heading over to the school.

When I'd been unable to secure any other lodgings – and because I was still unwilling to burden my friends with the atomic fall-out of my main problem – I had been forced to improvise. My car now served as not only transportation but as my home. Fortunately, the backseat of the little hatchback folded down to make a "living" space. It was a little cramped with my two suitcases lined up along one side of the space and my impromptu bed on the other, but if I curled up in a ball while sleeping, it worked.

In addition to the clock, blankets, and pillows I'd bought the other night, I now had a "refrigerator" in the form of a Styrofoam cooler that sat on the front passenger floorboard. My book bag and other school supplies sat on the passenger seat, and I had a flashlight and a supply of batteries inside the center console. I kept my toiletries in a bag that hung from the tiny fold-out ceiling hook on the side opposite my luggage so that I wouldn't have to dig them out every morning when I snuck into the school and, subsequently, the girls' locker room when the janitor unlocked the doors at six.

It wasn't an ideal situation, but I had a roof, a way to stay clean, and a means of keeping basic food staples semi-fresh. So _what_ if I had to park in a different part of the woods each night to keep from drawing too much attention to myself? At least I was surviving, right? The question, though, was how much longer could I continue to subsist like this? My Wal-Mart shopping spree, which included some food and drink items, had put a rather large dent in my finances – a one-hundred-and-twenty-dollar dent to be precise. And because I had apparently decided to study law at Murphy's school, not only was my ninety-dollar car insurance payment due next week, but I had lost my job yesterday.

The entire town of Forks was all a twitter with the gossip that the Chief's daughter had gotten knocked up, and many were hedging their bets as to who the father was. There were some, fueled by Charlie's theatrics in La Push, and the fact that several people had seen us embracing on the side of the road, who were buying into the lunacy that Jake was the father. Others were willing to have a little more faith in my morals and believed Edward to be the progenitor. The more facetious, gossip-mongering hyenas, however, were bandying about the tale that I was a drug addict who frequently partied up in Port Angeles, I had no clue of the true paternity, and this was why Charlie had kicked me out.

Karen Newton, however, was among the delusional minority who believed the laughable tale that _Mike_ was the dad-to-be, and she was determined to squash my gold-digging and other such schemes to "sink my claws" into her son and his "inheritance." I didn't know _who_ she thought she was _kidding_ with that load of rubbish, but despite my protests, I was informed in no uncertain terms that not only was I barred from the premises, but I should expect no monetary assistance for me and my "little bastard" from the Newtons.

I didn't give in to my urge to point out that a failing business and a grand house they struggled to make the mortgage payments on – I may have overheard David and Karen Newton arguing over their money situation a time or two when they thought no one was around – wasn't _my_ idea of "hitting the jackpot" as she handed me my final check and escorted me out of the building. I didn't know how I was supposed to do it, but somehow I now had to figure out how to live on just under five-hundred dollars. I knew I would need to get another job, but I didn't think my prospects in a town full of people who now viewed me as having varying degrees of moral leprosy were very good.

I was just happy that today was Friday, and while I didn't exactly have any plans for my weekend – nor was I looking forward to two days without showers – it meant a two day reprieve from the constant whisperings that followed me down the halls. Some of the kids had the good grace to be embarrassed and turn away when I would catch them talking about me, but most made it a point to talk quietly enough to give the appearance of secrecy but just loud enough to ensure I would hear every foul, malicious word they said. Emmett was still clueless to the full extent of what had gone on, but he didn't question it when Alice, James, and I reverted to our old habit of sitting alone together at lunch.

Tuesday was the first day we had done this, and we'd had to change tables three times before Edward finally got the hint and stopped trying to sit with us. I'd made sure to avoid him in the halls at all times as well. This was more difficult to do for the two classes we shared, but neither of them had assigned seating, and I had, thus far, been lucky enough to be able to sit on the opposite side of the room from him – if I was even able to make it to class, that is. I wasn't always successful at evading him, and he had made several attempts to talk to me on Tuesday, a few on Wednesday, and had all but given up entirely by Thursday when he realized I wasn't going to be anywhere near him if I could help it. I didn't know what he wanted to say, and I emphatically didn't care.

Morning sickness was proving to be quite the misnomer with me as I was generally queasy throughout the entire day, and I never knew when the urge to vomit was going to jump up and bite me. More than once, I'd found myself trapped in the girls' room for half the day, or hanging out of the tail end of my car as my gestational intruder decided it didn't like me having food in my stomach. So far this morning, I was feeling only mildly nauseated and had every hope I'd be able to make it through my morning shower routine and sneak back out to my car without being waylaid in the toilet. Maybe if I was lucky, my little zygote would even let me nibble on half of a Pop-Tart.

I finished repacking my sleeping bag and other nighttime accessories and climbed over the seat to get on the road. More than once during the drive to the high school, I thought I saw Rosalie's shiny red BMW in my rearview mirror, but when I would look again, there'd be no one behind me. I knew I was being paranoid, but it didn't stop me from constantly looking around me as I pulled into the lot and parked as close to the gym as I could. When I'd done this yesterday, I thought I'd seen Alice's banana yellow Porsche drive by, but upon exiting the building, my little rust colored vehicle was the only one in the lot. That needling sensation of being watched prickled down my spine as I entered the building, but I shoved it aside and went about my business.

I ended up bent over and heaving in a stall for about five minutes, but otherwise my shower was uneventful and I was on my way back out the door by six-thirty. I was about halfway to my car, trying to stuff my dirty clothes into a plastic bag as I walked, when I looked up … and froze, all of my belongings falling to the ground. Parked next to me was a cherry-red, BMW convertible, and leaning against the hood, with their arms crossed over their chests, were Rosalie and Alice. My lips formed the syllabic shapes of words, but if sound was coming out of them, I couldn't hear it. And then it happened: I finally broke inside, outside, and everywhere else, and collapsed in a stringy, wet-haired heap on the sidewalk as I started bawling my eyes out. I was instantly engulfed in two sets of arms, and the distinct voices of their respective owners started murmuring words of comfort in my ears.

Once my hiccupping sobs had quieted down to breathless little sniffles, they'd gathered my things, picked me up, and ushered me over to Rose's car. I tried to protest – I didn't want to leave my car and all my worldly possessions here at school – but Alice grabbed my keys and promptly got behind the wheel of the little car and followed us back to the Hale residence. Alice guided me into the opulent abode and straight to the kitchen where she made me some chicken soup and orange juice as Rose made several trips in and out. I didn't know what she was doing until an hour later when they led me upstairs and I saw all my things neatly arranged in a guest room and promptly burst into tears yet again.

I didn't remember us lying down on the bed, nor did I recall having passed out, but after some indeterminate amount of time, I heard the two of them whispering nearby.

"I called my mom and asked her to call Bella and me in sick today. She wasn't happy about it, but I promised I'd explain later. Your housekeeper called in for you, by the way."

"What about the guys?"

"Jazz said he and Em can't skip out until lunch so it'll be an hour or two before they get here, and James said he'd be here right after school. He's got a huge presentation in his economics class fifth period that's worth twenty percent of his grade."

"They're not bringing _him_, are they?"

"This is none of _his _damn business, and if they want their dicks to remain _attached_ to their bodies, they won't!"

That last line had been accompanied by an almost animalistic snarl. I didn't know who the "him" in question was precisely, but I had a pretty good guess they meant Edward, and I prayed he wasn't coming over here. I debated whether I should clue them in on the fact that I was awake. It was awfully rude of me to lie here and listen in on their conversation, but for the first time in four days, I was able to stretch out and had _no_ interest in moving any time soon.

"Do you think we should wake her up and find out why she's been living in her car all week?"

"No. Let her sleep."

"Yeah, she _does _look like hell."

There were two snickering giggles. "Besides, this is the longest I've seen her go without praying to the porcelain god."

And as if it had only been waiting for the director's cue for it to make its grand entrance, my stomach decided it no longer wished to retain the food I had eaten, and I couldn't jump up and run fast enough to make it to the bathroom. I was still in the middle of my gastro-technics when I felt a pair of hands gathering and pulling back my hair while another set was pressing a cool cloth to my forehead.

"I guess my niece didn't like the soup I made for you, huh?"

Her tinkling laughter filled the room, but I really wasn't in the mood for it. I flopped down on the floor, my back propped against the cabinetry as I took a break from turning inside out. My throat felt raw, my voice sounded like sandpaper when I spoke, and I was so out of breath from puking I could barely pant out my words.

"Don't … do that, Alice … please."

She was still smiling, but her brow was furrowed in confusion. "Do what, honey?"

"Don't get attached to it." I brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and laying my head down so that I was facing away from where she sat beside me. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet."

I tried to ignore the stabbing pain the thought of getting rid of my … uh … _issue_ caused in my heart, but it tore through me with the savageness of a wild bear coming out of hibernation too early. The screeching cry that ripped from my lips ricocheted off the tiled walls and reverberated through me in rippling waves. In the blink of an eye, I was ensconced and surrounded by my companions as cooing, soothing words were murmured in my ears. I couldn't really understand Alice for the tears that were strangling her, but Rose's huskier tones rang loud and clear in my brain.

"It's alright, Bella. You don't have to decide anything right now. Just know that we're all here for you and love you … whatever choice you make."

What felt like eons later – at least to my cold, numb ass – my stomach quieted down to its usual state of mild fussiness, and my tears dried up, leaving me with itchy, tight, red eyes and a continuous hitch to my breathing. The girls gently helped me stand, wash my face, and brush my teeth before gingerly laying me down on the Queen sized mattress. I think I was asleep before they'd finished covering me with the chenille throw, and I didn't recall them leaving me in the darkness of the room.

For once, it was my bladder that woke me and not the need to face-plant in the toilet. When I'd finished my business – taking a little extra time to ensure I wouldn't need to vomit – I washed my face again, as well as my hands, and made my way downstairs. I wasn't certain what time it was, and the weak gray tones cast by the overcast Washington skies were no help in determining the hour. I followed the sound of laughter and found Em and Jasper sitting on opposite recliners with their girls on their laps, while James slouched down on the sofa with his feet resting on the coffee table as the five of them watched something on TV.

"Ya know? I just don't understand–"

"_Bella_, you're _awake!_" Alice's excited chirp cut off whatever Rose was about to say as she spotted me standing on the step that led down into the family room.

"Uh … yeah … I guess I am. Hey … um …" James had risen and was now wrapping me in his arms, placing a lingering kiss on my cheek before resting his head on top of mine "… oh … thank you." I slipped my arms around his waist and held him to me tightly. "Sorry I slept so long. What time _is_ it, anyway?"

"It's about three-thirty. I was going to send dipshit over there …" Rose gestured toward Jasper and ignored the two middle fingers he replied with "…to wake you up soon if you didn't get up on your own." She reached over and patted the cushion of the couch James had just vacated, and he guided me over to sit down where she had indicated. "Are you hungry, sweetie? We were thinking of maybe ordering some pizza."

A loud grumble, followed by an even louder churning gurgle, came from my tummy and I vehemently shook my head no. Just the thought of the cheese and tomato sauce had bile rising halfway up my throat until I was green in the gills.

"Um … no, thank you. I think I'm just going to nibble on some crackers and sip some water or ginger ale here in a little bit." I attempted a tepid but reassuring smile and failed miserably. "Please, don't base your food decisions on _me;_ I'll be fine."

"Okay, Bell. I'm just gonna go order our supper and find the saltines for you."

With a couple of pats to my knee, Rosalie was up and gone. I sank deeper into James' cocooning arms as the remaining occupants of the room turned to stare intently at me. I knew what they wanted to know, but I wasn't sure where to start, what to tell, or how much I had figured and sorted out in my jumbled up brain. Never one to allow a silence to pass for long, Alice piped up to begin the interrogation – albeit in a calming voice one might use with a frightened animal or child.

"Bella, honey, why didn't you tell any of us that Charlie kicked you out?" No matter how soothing her tone, she couldn't hide the undercurrents of hurt and rejection that ran through it.

"I … I don't know. I guess … I just figured that if Jake couldn't help me …" I used the crumpled cuff of my long-sleeved shirt to wick away the tears that started to form at the memory of my oldest friend turning me away "… I just … I didn't want to burden anyone."

I'd started off strong, if a little uncertain, but was speaking barely above a whisper by the end as I took in the disappointed faces of my friends.

"That's bullshit, Bells, and you _know_ it. I mean, why did you leave in the _first_ place? We were your home." Emmett tried to keep the anger from coloring his voice, but it turned his every loving word into strike after strike against my heart. I _knew_ the Cullens were my home, family, safe harbor against the storm, and anchor in the shores of sanity, but that all changed when Edward cast me out of his heart. When _he_ lost his faith in my love for him, _I_ lost the last foothold I had on the precarious cliff of belonging I had been clinging to.

I heaved a mournful sigh and tried to keep my voice steady and my eyes tear free. "I couldn't stay, Em, not after …" I took a deep breath and stiffened my resolve and my voice "… Edward didn't want me there anymore."

"I'm sure Mr. Broody-Boo overreacted a bit, but–"

"Overreacted?" At first my mind was slapped dumb by his indulgent smile and tone, but then the rest of my brain caught up in a fiery storm of indignation, revulsion, and wrathful hysteria. "Over_reacted_?" I jumped up and hovered over him as he quickly shrank back into his seat. "Overreacting would have been to ask me a billion times if I was _sure_, or start freaking out about the fact that we're only seventeen and _juniors_." I cackled a maniacally insane chuckle. "Oh no, my dear Emmett, he skipped right over overreaction into psychotic delusions when he accused me of _fucking_ Mike Newton and then demanded a paternity test. _That's_ why I left!"

Emmett surged to his feet, towering over me and glaring menacingly, and I shrank back into myself and the couch behind me. He didn't say anything, just flicked his eyes rapidly between all of us; he then turned on his heel and strode out of the room. I would have breathed a sigh of relief, but the front door slamming shut, and the engine of his giant Jeep revving as he gunned it and sped out of the Hales' circular drive only served to frighten me even more.

It didn't help my overwrought and totally shot nerves when Alice rushed to the window with a panicky, "_Fuck_!" before darting back to us and grabbing both James and Jasper. The three of them ran out of the room and the house as Alice screamed back, "Rose, stay with Bella!"

The door had just swung shut with a deafening bang when Rose came running in with the cordless phone in her hand.

"What the _fuck_ just happened?"

I was too shocked to move, too numb to cry, but still far too in love with that fucking asshole to want to see him die by his own brother's hand. Rose gasped at the ashen backdrop to the twin rivers racing down my face when I whipped around and all but screeched, "_Call Carlisle_! _Emmett's_ on his way _home_."

"_Fuck!_"

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**A/N:**

So now we know why Rose was calling Carlisle! Next chapter is EPOV. =D See y'all in 2 weeks.

Although I'm not there as much right now due to some health issues, you can usually find me rambling about as (a)artemisleaena on Twitter or as artemisleaena(a)aol dot com over on Facebook. If you find yourself on FB, why not request to join my FanFic group (www facebook com/groups/TempleofArtemis add appropriate dots) and share your thoughts on Jerkward! =)


	9. Before the Fall

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_!

* * *

*****WARNING*****

This chapter contains an act of violence by an adult against a minor. For the record, child abuse in _any_form is neither tolerated, nor condoned, by anyone directly involved with this story. Read at your own risk.

*****WARNING*****

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**Chapter 9:  
… Before the Fall**

**EPOV**

_~December 10, 2010~_

Mom and I were about to sit down – again – but the front doors banging open stopped us. There was no need to ask what was going on, it was glaringly obvious: Emmett knew. My suspicion was confirmed as soon as I heard my brother's bellowing voice echoing through the house.

"Where are you, you fucking son-of-a-bitch piece of shit?"

Not two seconds later – but still _long_ before my brain recognized the need for me to run – I heard what could only be described as a battle cry being shrieked from the doorway. The dagger-like sound hit me right before a locomotive slammed into and toppled me over the back of the sofa I'd been standing in front of. I briefly registered the sound of breaking glass, but the last thing I heard before two boulders started pounding into whatever part of my body they could reach was the sound of my mother screaming for my father.

Emmett pummeled me with several body shots before he went for my face, and although I managed to get my arms up to block most of them, at least two of his jabs landed on my head. One left my good eye howling in pain while the other one connected solidly with my nose, possibly breaking it and causing blood to run down into my mouth in the process.

I could still hear my mother's screeching, and I could feel someone – probably my dad – tugging on one of Em's arms, but that still left the other one free to inflict damage. Through it all, he kept up a litany of curses and epithets designed to bait and encourage me to fight back, but I wasn't going to. Yes, I hoped Dad would pry the ramming machine off of me – and _soon_ – but there was no use giving back to Em. One: he was bigger and stronger than me. It wasn't by much, but it _was_ enough of a difference to deter me from retaliating. And two: there was a part of me – however small – that believed taking this beat-down could, at least partially, be a start on my road to redemption for at least a _few_ of my sins.

Emmett had just landed a ringing blow to the side of my head when I felt his weight shift, vanishing from above me.

"Get _off_ me, you assholes. He _deserves_ this."

I cracked an eye open to see Jasper and James staggering under the weight of my struggling twin as they slowly dragged him off and away from me. I didn't care how or why they were there, and I didn't need to know. Whatever divine intervention had sent them, they were currently at the top of my "favorite people in the world" list. Seeing that they had Em in hand, I moved to get up, but somehow, one of Em's flailing feet managed to catch me right between the legs, and I dropped back to floor like a two ton stone.

One of my hands was still clutching at my bleeding nose, but the other now went to cup my aching – and not in a _good_ way – junk. Between the two competing agonies, I was gasping for air and choking on the vomit rising up my throat as black spots danced before my eyes. I felt someone kneel beside me, and I moaned in protest when they tried to take my hand off my face.

"Move your damn hand, Edward, so I can take a look at your nose," Dad snapped. "Can you sit up?"

The sharp edge to my father's voice refocused my attention, and I whimpered a little as I nodded. It felt like a million tiny trolls with ball-ping hammers were relentlessly banging away at the inside of my skull, and the slightest motion only served to exacerbate the condition. I let go of my nose and reached up to pull myself into a standing position using the sturdy back of the couch but ended up jerking my hand back when a stinging slap landed across the back of it.

"Don't you _dare_ touch that white suede with your bloody hand," Esme snapped. "And _don't_ you roll your eyes at _me,_ Edward Anthony."

I groaned and tried to roll my eyes – a task made more difficult by the swelling – at my mother anyway. After some finagling, and with Carlisle's assistance, I finally managed to stand. He helped me sit down in a black leather high-back chair and started pinching and pulling at my nose. For the most part, I managed to keep my cringes to myself, but something he did that made a crunching noise had my eyes tearing up and my verbal control fleeing the scene.

"Mother _fucker!_"

"_Language_, Edward."

I looked past my smirking father's face to my fuming mother's, and then beyond to the now calm, but dangerously quiet countenances of my friends and siblings. Normally, I would've considered it fortuitous that Alice had now joined the fray, but as she was the one who gave me my _first_ ass whipping this week, she wasn't exactly a sight for sore eyes – pun _so_ fucking intended. Carlisle's amused tone brought my attention back to him.

"Yep, you've definitely broken it, son."

"_I_ didn't do anything …" four humorless snorts that I chose to ignore were heard across the room "… _Emmett_ broke my nose."

"Well, yes, I'll agree it was Emmett's fist that did the damage, but …" he drew out the last word on a mild groan as he straightened up from the stoop he'd been in to examine my face "… I have a feeling that once we have the full story …" he cast a glance over to the others and back to me "… we'll find that you're lucky to have only been given two black eyes and a broken nose by your siblings. I'll be right back."

He patted my shoulder a few times and then left the room, winking and smirking at my sister on his way by. I don't know how he had figured out it was _Alice_ who'd given me the first shiner, but that just served as proof positive that my parents were, indeed, the smartest people I knew. A moment or two later, a cold, damp cloth was slapped onto my shoulder, followed by an irritated grumble.

"Clean yourself up before your father gets back, and once he sets your nose, I want some _answers_, young man."

It didn't matter how old or big I got, when Esme Cullen looked at me with disappointment and used her angry "mom" voice on me while calling me "young man," I felt two feet tall. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, no matter where I went in life or what I did, my folks would always love me. I was equally certain, however, that by the end of this day, they weren't going to _like_ me very much. The knowledge that it was my own actions that were going to break their hearts just added more fuel to the raging inferno that was already consuming my own heart.

The almost twenty minutes it took my dad to irrigate and reset my nose before taping a foam and metal brace over it were some of the most excruciating in my life. I was thankful my mother had two ibuprofen and a bottle of water waiting for me when he had finished and wasn't there to inflict even more damage on me. While Carlisle had been working on me, Esme had been cleaning up the mess Em and I had made. It turns out the glass I'd heard breaking was one of her extremely rare, massively expensive, and very much loved antique Tiffany table lamps. Every now and then while she was sweeping up the sea blue textured glass with the intricate golden dragonfly pattern rimming it, I'd hear a little sniffling sob. She'd gotten those lamps from her great-grandmother, and they were probably irreplaceable; just one _more_ fuck-up to be laid at my doorstep.

When the room was clean, and Dad was finished torturing me – I'm relatively certain he used more force than was necessary when realigning my nose – the fearsome four planted themselves on the sofa I had tumbled over. Mom and Dad sat on the two-cushioned seat across from them, and I parked my battered ass in the armchair Esme had originally picked. We sat quietly for a while, me fidgeting nervously, until Carlisle broke the silence by clearing his throat.

"So, I guess we'll start by asking where Bella is."

"Um … she's at my house, with Rose, sir." Jasper ducked his head slightly as he mumbled his response.

This seemed to be the opening Dad had been waiting for as he leaned back, crossed one ankle over the opposite knee and got comfortable. He directed his next question to Jasper, since he had been the only one to offer a response to the last inquiry, and I prayed I wouldn't be on the receiving end of my father's pointed inquisition any time soon. My uncle Caius may have been the one to become a lawyer, and could probably get the Pope to confess to murder if he wanted, but Carlisle had the same tenacity and imperturbability as his brother, and he often chose to use them against his children.

"Has she been there this entire week?"

"No."

"When did she arrive?"

"This morning."

"And where was she prior to that? We already know her father kicked her out and that she's been banished from the Reservation."

I was extremely interested in knowing that as well and looked over to see Jasper squirming in his seat, his mouth frantically forming soundless words. He'd been dating my sister for the past three years – though they flirted for the two before that and have known each other practically their entire lives – and this was not his first experience being interrogated by our father. It _was_, however, the first time I had ever seen him reluctant to answer a direct question, and as his best friend, I knew it was because he didn't want to lie, but he didn't want to tell the _truth_ either.

Carlisle hummed to himself and then turned to Jasper's left. "Emmett?"

Emmett wouldn't even look him in the eye and was inordinately fascinated by the muted floral pattern of the cushion under his ass. Dad hummed again and looked to Jasper's right, drawing out this person's name and using a sickeningly sweet tone. "Alice?"

Her eyes jumped up from her lap to clash with his and nearly bugged out of her head. Everyone knew Alice couldn't lie, and she could never refuse when Carlisle and/or Esme asked anything of her. Dad had found his weak link in the information chain; we all knew it as we watched her nervously wringing her hands. He'd posed the question, found the chink in the armor, and now he'd sit and wait for the consequential tidal wave to sweep the knowledge to him. It only took a few minutes before her jittery little body popped up off the couch and she started pacing and talking a mile a minute while wildly gesticulating.

"It really wasn't all _that_ bad – it could have been a _lot_ worse – and she had apparently bought herself several blankets, so she was keeping warm. She had even gotten a cooler to keep some food in – not that she's eating all that much and what she _does_ eat usually gets thrown back up within the hour. But it was really _creative_ how she was able to make a space for herself despite all her baggage. And it was _so_ resourceful how she figured out the janitor's schedule so she could shower and have access to a bathroom. I mean, I don't know how–"

"_Alice!_"

She had worked her way back in front of her seat, and she plopped down in it with a squeak and a hand over her mouth at Esme's bark. Both of my parents sat stoically, their eyes boring a hole into their daughter's head, waiting for her to answer the original question. I felt bad for Alice in that instant and wished I knew the answer so I could offer it to them in her stead, but that was yet another way I had failed Bella … and myself.

"She's been living … um … in her car." Alice said the last bit in a rush, and then threw herself backwards in an attempt to blend into the fabric behind her.

"_What?_"

Both Esme and I had exploded at the same time, only, where she had stayed seated, but was now leaning forward, I had jumped up and attempted to move toward my sister. James' large body springing up between us, his hands planting themselves on my shoulders, was the only thing that stopped me from grabbing and shaking Alice for not telling someone about this sooner. I shrugged out of James' hold and resumed my seat, throwing a baleful glare at half of the inhabitants of the sofa.

Unflappable Carlisle was still in the house, although his voice was now slightly harsher. "And _why_ was she living in her car instead of here at _home_?"

It warmed me considerably to know that my parents considered this to be Bella's home, that they accepted her as one of their own children, but I was also instantly chilled, knowing my time had run out; it was my turn to offer up some explanations. One by one, I felt six pairs of eyes turn in my direction, the oppressive weight of their stares bearing down on me. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and coughed a few times, all to no avail. Right then; it was time for the bullet to meet my bite.

"Uh … Mom … Dad …" I made sure to look each of them in the eye as I addressed them "… that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about earlier."

Neither of them spoke; they just sat back and folded their arms across their chests in some sort of synchronized parenting move. I knew she hadn't meant for me to see it, but I caught Alice giving me a sympathetic look before she quickly masked it again as I stood and turned to face my parents.

"Um … Bella's pregnant."

Mom gasped and brought both of her hands up to cover her mouth, a single tear sliding from the corner of one of her eyes. Dad, knowing there was more to this confession, simply cocked one blond eyebrow up and waited for me to finish. Okay! The easy part was over, and now it was time to show them the embarrassment I had turned out to be as I revealed the blackened and charred remains of my soul. I took a deep breath and plunged ahead with the unedited, if slightly diluted, story.

"She told me Monday after school, but not before Mike Newton found me and told me that he had been sleeping with Bella all summer. Even though I knew deep down that she would never have done that to me, I panicked when she told me about the baby, and I lashed out at her. I latched on to the only excuse for being angry that I had – invalid though I knew it was – and accused her of cheating. I told her I wanted a paternity test, and even though I didn't say the words, I insinuated that she was a whore and that she wasn't welcome here anymore."

I had been so focused on the mounting disappointment in my father's eyes, and his crestfallen expression, that I hadn't even noticed my mother rising and walking toward me. I sure felt it, though, when her balled fist slammed into my jaw and sent me stumbling into my seat. I stared up at her in shock and disbelief – and perhaps a little fear that she would jump on and attack me like everyone else had – as she seethed in front of me. Her voice was deceptively calm, however, when her coloring turned from fire engine red back to its normal, if a little flushed, tone.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, I never thought there would come a day when I would say this about one of _my_ children, but I am genuinely _ashamed_ to call you my son right now."

I almost wished she would have punched me again, or kicked, knifed, kneed, _killed_ _me_ instead of saying those words. I didn't bother to fight the tears rolling down my cheeks as I watched my mother break down in body wracking sobs and leave the room. She had every reason to be ashamed of me, and I hung my head in a vain attempt to hide my face from my remaining parent. It was several long, tense, eerily silent moments before Carlisle found his voice to speak again.

"I wish I could say I don't agree with her, son, but I can't. What you did was beyond reprehensible." I nodded in agreement. "So what are you going to do now?"

I raised my head and regarded him with a furrowed brow. "I … I don't understand."

He nodded at me and then turned to Alice. "Does she know how far along she is? Has she been to see a doctor?"

Alice had to wipe away her own tears and swallow several times before she was able to answer in an emotionally charged voice. "She thinks she got … uh … pregnant on Halloween …" her eyes darted to me when she heard my surprised gasp "… and no, she hasn't. I was going to take her to the free clinic in Port Angeles after school on Monday, though."

"No, she'll get better care here."

He reached into his pocket and took his phone out, hitting one of the speed dial numbers.

"Vicky? It's Carlisle …"

"We're good … yes …"

"Listen, I know you're not really taking new patients, but I need a favor … uh-huh …"

"Cubans I assume … of course …"

"Great. Her name is Isabella Swan … yes, the Chief's daughter …" he barked out a snorting laugh "… yes, well the _DNA_ says he _is_ … anyway, she's about six weeks along we think …"

"No, no insurance, but all her bills will be covered by me … yes …"

"Can you see her Monday, say three o'clock?"

"Wonderful, my daughter, Alice, will be bringing her."

He shot me a strange, quasi-anxious glance.

"The father?"

I nodded at him enthusiastically in answer to the unheard question.

"Um … I'm not sure …"

"Yes, we know who … no, it's Edward …"

"I know, I thought Em would be the first, too …"

"Okay, thanks Vicky, I owe you one …" he laughed again "… yes, I owe you a dozen …"

"Alright, bye-bye."

"What do you mean–"

He held up a hand to cut me off and started talking to Alice again. "So, Monday after school, you'll take her to the family clinic that's attached to the hospital. She'll be seeing Dr. Victoria Siddons at three. You'll also need to take her to the pharmacy in the hospital to get her prenatal vitamins and any other prescriptions she's given. I'll make sure you have my credit card to pay for the office visit, any required tests, and the scripts." He turned to Jasper next. "I assume she can stay at your place until we get this …" he glanced quickly my way and back again "… situation resolved?"

Before Jasper could answer, James piped in for the first time. "Actually, sir–"

"For the millionth time, James, it's Carlisle," he said with a smile.

"Wait, how come _he_ can call you Carlisle but I can't?"

_Really_, Jasper?

Up went the blond brow again, although he was still smiling – chuckling too, if I wasn't mistaken. "Is _he_ sleeping with my daughter?"

"Well … um … _no_. But he _has_ before!"

Both Carlisle and James burst out laughing, and at last Jasper had the grace to blush and mumble a quick, "Never mind … perspective." That's right, fucker, focus on the bigger picture here. For instance: when the fuck do I get to ask why I was left out of the doctor's visit?

"Anyway, Carlisle …" James picked up where they'd left off as if Jasper had never interrupted "… we were talking on the way over here, and we think it would be better if we move Bella in with me and Felix."

I could tell Dad was intrigued, but cautious, but I beat him to the punch on questioning James.

"How so, Hunter?"

James just glared at me – I might've been a tad terse in my inquiry – and then answered as if Carlisle had been the one to ask. "Since both her parents are refusing to take responsibility for her, and she's still a minor, I think it would be best if she petitioned the courts for emancipation. Alice said her uncle could help with that."

"Family law isn't his specialty, but yes, he can help in an advisory capacity. However, I'm not sure I understand what that has to do with her living with you."

"Well, when my folks relocated to New York a few years ago, the only way they could leave me here when I adamantly refused to leave Felix was for me to be emancipated since we had no relatives anywhere nearby. Part of the process was that I had to prove I could provide my own shelter. I know Bella doesn't have a trust fund with which to buy a house like I did, but I thought if she rented a room from me, it would satisfy that requirement."

"She can't rent from us because neither Rosalie nor I actually own the property, and I don't think my parents would be keen on having a boarder," Jasper sheepishly offered.

"Hmm … well, I'll leave it up to you guys to talk to Bella about that, but I think it's a really smart plan, James."

It was a _fantastic_ plan, and I really wanted to be happy about it, but I was also itching to have my own problem dealt with. Seeing my fidgeting, Dad turned to me with a sigh.

"Yes, Edward? You were saying a moment ago?"

_Thank you!_

"Uh … yeah … so _why_ did you tell Dr. Siddons you weren't sure when she was _clearly_ asking if the father would be at the appointment? Because there's nothing to be unsure about … I'm _going_ to be there."

His eyes widened and he sat back with a contemplative look. I just knew I wouldn't like where this was heading.

"Edward, when was the last time Bella talked to you?"

"Um … Monday?"

When I'd accused her of fucking the nastiest dick in school and called our child a … I couldn't even _think_ the word now!

"And have you tried talking to her since?"

"Yes?"

Why the hell was I answering all his questions as if I wasn't sure? I had practically _stalked_ the girl for three days. I think that qualifies as "trying."

"And how many of those attempts were successful?"

I pressed my lips into a hard, thin line and muttered, "None."

"So, it's safe to say that she's not exactly a big _fan_ of yours right now, hm?"

That was the understatement of the fucking _era_.

"She won't even look me in the eye," I muttered petulantly.

"I see. Well, not to be purposely harsh or hurtful, son, but what makes you think she's going to want you in the room while she's being internally examined … by a _gynecologist_?"

My face flamed bright red at his blunt reprimand. "I … uh … I … well, I … um … I hadn't really considered that … uh … aspect."

He smiled indulgently and reached over to pat my knee. "Why don't we see what we can do about getting her to talk to you again–"

"Pssh … _I_ wouldn't."

"Emmett, while your mother and I are more than willing to overlook your part in the destruction of her treasured heirloom, and we are most appreciative that you feel so protective of Bella, you need to _shut up_."

There were five mouths hanging open and ten eyes that were barely remaining in their sockets. Of course, I was mentally giving my dad a fist bump for that one, but he wasn't done giving Emmett, and it turned out the rest of them, a dressing down.

"_This_ – for lack of a better word – _clusterfuck_ is between _Edward_ and _Bella_, and them _alone._ While those around them can offer support, it is for _them_ to work out … with_out_ interference, Emmett!" He had seen Em about to protest and had felt compelled to offer that last bit of advice. "Do you all …" his gaze lingered on me a bit longer than the others "… understand that?"

We all nodded, and Dad left us alone to go and check on Mom and to, no doubt, fill her in on what she'd missed after she left. I went to scratch the side of my head and winced when my fingers grazed across the goose-egg now gracing my skull.

Em noticed and snickered. "I'm not sorry I attacked you, _or_ that I broke your nose."

I gave him the best smile I could under all my bandaging and bruising. "It's fine. I would've done the same if the situation were reversed. Why didn't you tell me, Alice?"

She actually looked embarrassed. "We – Rose and I – weren't one-hundred percent _sure_ until we found her parked in the woods just past the one-ten turn off last night. We left early for school and tailed her all the way in, then ambushed her when she was leaving the gym after her shower."

I dropped my head in my hands, ignoring the stab of pain that shot through my face from this inverted position and the wave of dizziness that washed over me. How could I have been so fucking stupid and _deluded_ as to think she was in a place where she would have a soft, comfortable bed, access to plenty of food, and heat? I felt one of Alice's tiny hands tentatively touch my back, and when I didn't push her away, she slid into the seat beside me and wrapped her arm more fully around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you. But, given the chance, I would probably do it all the same way again. You hurt her, Edward. You hurt her really bad."

"I know, and I'm _so_ fucking _sorry_."

"Sorry doesn't count for _shit_, Cullen." James was up and prowling around the room. "What _does_ matter is what you plan to do to _fix_ your fuck up."

I raised my head and looked at him through swollen, tear filled eyes and offered him the only answer I had.

"_Anything!_"

* * *

**A/N:**

Normally, I would run & hide after abusing Edward thusly, but somehow I get the feeling I've just reached hero status with this one! ROTFLMBO =P

For those of you who read (or are reading) "Nine Days to Eternity," I'm contributing an outtake from it called "236 Wishes of You" to the Christmas Wishes Compilation benefitting Toys For Tots. You can find more information here: christmaswishescompilation dot blogspot dot com

For those who've been following "Birthdays, Bars, & Bathrooms," I'm sorry about the hiatus…I'm hoping to be able to resume regular (or as regular as that fic ever did) updates with it soon. Still learning to manage things in RL. At this point, I have no plans to put TCWM on hiatus, but will keep you posted if anything there changes. Thank you all for your continued support of me & my writing! =)

Also, if you have Twitter, you can stalk my psychotically rambling self by following (a)artemisleaena, if if Facebook is your preferred poison, I'm there as artemisleaena(a)aol dot com…there's even a group for my fanfiction: www dot facebook dot com /groups/TempleofArtemis/


	10. Les MisérEdwards

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Y'all rock my world! =)

* * *

**Chapter 10:  
Les MisérEdwards **

**EPOV**

_~December 11 & 12, 2010~_

After Alice and the rest of the Apple-Fuckling Gang left for the night Friday – everyone was staying at casa de Whitlock-Hale in some sort of Anti-Edward/Pro-Bella protest – I'd endured a quietly torturous supper with my parents while holding the icepack Dad had given me over my nose. Mom had taken it in turns to either silently weep into her lasagna while shaking her head and muttering gibberish to herself, or throwing ocular daggers at me while punishingly crunching on her salad. Dad, for the most part, ignored my existence, only glancing up occasionally to cast tired, disappointed looks at me before once again returning to dispassionately eating.

Although I was extremely appreciative that Mom had chosen to make something "soft" for dinner – if this was a quasi-apology for her part in my smackdown earlier, I accepted – I was only able to eat a small serving before my aching jaw and roiling stomach declared me finished. I retreated to my room, intent on going to bed early so as to speed up the healing process, but didn't get very far into those lofty plans before a monkey wrench lodged itself in my chest – not literally, but it sure as fuck _felt_ real.

Whenever I would lie down, it had felt as if a two ton anvil had been placed on my chest, and a searing lightning bolt of pain would lance through and wrap around the left side of my torso. No matter how I positioned myself, or how many pillows I used, I simply couldn't get comfortable. After about two hours of vainly battling back tears, I reluctantly sought out my dad. By one in the morning, we were checked in to the Forks General Emergency Room and were being seen by Gomer Pyle.

Dad assured me that Dr. Pyle – alright, so his name was actually Dr. Bob Bickleson, but he was dumb as a fucking _stump_ in my opinion – was quite competent, and I should stop my bitching. Whatever! The guy talked like an extra from _Deliverance_ and brayed – yes, he fucking _brayed_ like a donkey – when he laughed over the fact that some of my healing bruises had been inflicted by my barely one-hundred pound sister. Where'd this guy get his licensure from, anyway? Because I'd be _highly_ surprised to find it _wasn't_ from a gumball machine!

As it turned out, my asshole brother had given me a hairline fracture in one rib and severely bruised three others. I was wrapped up in ace bandaging, shot up with morphine, given a prescription for Percocet, and told I'd need to sleep sitting up or in a slightly reclined position – no more than twenty-five degrees though – for at least a week. Well didn't _that_ just suck fucking donkey dick? At least football season was officially over, and I had at least three months before baseball practice started in which to heal – provided my siblings didn't decide to use me as a _piñata_ again, that was.

Saturday and Sunday dragged by in a sea of physical and mental agony, and at one point I was certain that time was actually traveling backward. The only bright spot of the entire weekend had been when Alice came home on Saturday to do a few chores and grab another change of clothes for both her and Emmett. He was still too pissed at me to be within a five-hundred yard radius without turning me into Edburger, so he had asked Alice to bring his stuff when she brought hers. If it had been any other set of circumstances, you couldn't have _paid_ her to go into "the Neanderthal's cave."

For the few hours she was home, however, I was her constant shadow; I was obsessed with getting information on Bella. I felt bad – ish – about the position I was putting my sister in by asking her to be a liaison, but not enough to retreat. I knew she was one of Bella's best friends, but she was _my_ sister first and foremost. Yes, I was aware of how petty and possessive that made me sound, but I was a greedy bastard, and she was my only source of Bella intelligence at this point, so I was willing to overlook that personality flaw for now.

"Has she moved in with James and Felix yet?"

"No, we're doing that tomorrow. James said he had to 'gussy up BabyBel's room' before we could move her in."

She giggled and tossed another pair of socks onto the pile she'd already folded as we sat on her bed, me with my back against the footboard, legs stretched out, and her against the headboard, legs crossed.

"Is she getting enough sleep?"

"Yes …" she threw a newly balled pair of socks at me, hitting me in the middle of the forehead "… she slept for several hours yesterday evening, and then got a full eight hours last night."

"She's eating, right?"

"Cheese and rice, Edward, why don't you just shine a fucking klieg light in my face and beat me with a rubber hose already?"

I glared stonily at her as she chuckled and continued folding the pajama pants she'd pulled out of the basket beside her.

"She's carrying my baby, Alice. I think I have the fucking right to know if my _pregnant_ girlfriend is eating properly or not."

She quirked her brow at me but never faltered in her laundry task. "Ex."

"What?"

"She's your _ex_-girlfriend."

Why wasn't her head exploding? Weren't there death rays shooting out of my eyes? It felt as if my brain was actually boiling, I was so livid. Of course, ninety percent of my anger was self-directed because, technically, Bella _was_ my ex. If I had anything to say about it, though, that was only going to be temporary, so Alice's glib remark didn't bear commenting on.

"Just answer the fucking question, Alice," I snarled.

She threw her hands up in the air with a huff. "_Fine_! Yes, Edward, she's eating … as much as she can," she mumbled the last part.

"What do you mean 'as much as she can'?"

Her expression of exasperation melted away to be replaced by trepidation. The look was completed with half of her lower lip disappearing between her teeth and her eyes shifting nervously around the bedroom. My anxiety ratcheted up a couple thousand levels when she looked everywhere but at me and began shifting around in a twitchy manner – like she had a fire ant in her pants nibbling on her ass. I swear I was half a heartbeat away from taking my sister up on her offer of beating her if she didn't get to the fucking point … _pronto_.

"_Spit it_ the _fuck_ out, Alice."

Her eyes snapped to mine fearfully before she dropped them to her lap and answered me in a small, reluctant voice. "She's vomiting … a lot … it's gotten worse."

"Morning sickness?"

That was normal early on in a pregnancy, wasn't it? I tried to remember back to that chapter in the what to expect book. She furrowed her brows and looked up at me questioningly.

"Do you remember the week of Thanksgiving break? That flu bug she had, and how she couldn't hold anything – not even soup – down for more than a couple of hours?"

I thought back to that week, and how pale and listless Bella had been. But she had seemed to come out of it after a few days. Hadn't she? The more I thought about it, though, it hadn't been until Dad had threatened to take her to the hospital that Bella had made her miraculous recovery, but even then, I couldn't recall having seen her do more than _nibble_ on anything. I recalled that she had also spent an inordinate amount of time in the bedroom she used when staying with us. But surely she wasn't ….

"Ali, has she been _that_ sick this _entire_ time?"

Cold fingers of dread curled themselves around my every nerve ending as, instead of verbally answering me, Alice's eyes grew huge and misty, and her bottom lip disappeared into her mouth again, her chin quivering slightly.

We spent a little more time talking that day, Alice swiftly changing the subject whenever I made any attempt to go back to our conversation about Bella's health. I knew what she was doing: she was just trying to keep me from dwelling and brooding while also doing her best to protect Bella's privacy. I felt the harsh prickle of guilt once more over Alice being put in the middle of this battle – it still wasn't enough to make me cease pressing her for all the information I could. I was especially concerned for Bella's health and needed all the assurances I could get.

Alice eventually finished her laundry and other weekend chores – Emmett planned to do his tomorrow afternoon when they got home – and gathered another night's worth of supplies for her and Em. As she gave me a hug goodbye, I implored her in a strangled whisper to please take care of Bella until I was able to do so again. She had hugged me a little tighter in response – I hadn't told her about my ribs and had to bite my lip until I tasted blood not to cry out in agony – after those words, and I knew I saw a tear streak down her face as she turned and walked out the door. I didn't say it enough, but I had the best sister in the entire world. My brother was currently the anti-Christ, but Alice deserved to be nominated for sainthood.

The atmosphere at dinner Saturday night was much the same as it had been the night before, if only mildly less volatile; at least Mom wasn't attempting to rip the skin from my body with her eyes that night. She _did_, however, feel that my jaw had healed sufficiently enough to handle rough chewing, as evidenced by the pork chops she made. Or maybe she had simply decided to punish me in a more subtle way. She was unable to hide the triumphant little smirk that lit her face whenever I couldn't hide my winces of pain while gnawing on my meat.

Either way, I had once again excused myself to bed early, where I didn't get any more sleep than I had the previous night. It wasn't the pain in my chest keeping me awake – the two happy little Percocet pills I'd popped after brushing my teeth were keeping that at bay for now – but rather my mind that refused to allow me a desperately needed respite. No, it was mental pain, or rather, the lack of certain disturbing thoughts, keeping me awake.

I kept expecting the "what the fuck am I gonna do _now?_" panic that had raced through my mind immediately following Bella's admission earlier in the week to return, but it never did. In the heat of the moment, before my brain shut down and my mouth ruined my life, I had only been focused on myself, and what it would mean to _me_ and _my_ life to have a child at seventeen – eighteen by the time it was born. What about football season next year? How was I going to fulfill my duties as team co-captain and make every practice and game with a _kid_?What about my plans to go to Dartmouth and then Yale Medical School like my father had? How could I become a cardiologist by the time I was thirty if I had a baby my junior year of high school?

Those had been my fears when I'd first heard the news that I was going to be a dad, but they, strangely, were absent now. I marveled at how five and a half little days – and two ass whippings – had completely changed my outlook on life. I still didn't know how I was going to make any of my former short and long term goals a reality, but I somehow knew, deep down, that as long as I had my family – which, in my mind, included Bella and our child – I'd get there … eventually.

Not that I was entirely without fears or worries. I was terrified something was physically wrong with Bella, or even the baby, and I was frantic over what to do about it. Of course, I tried to rationalize those thoughts away by remembering that morning sickness is normal, and was a fallacy. There was no reason to worry until _after_ she'd seen the doctor. Dr. Siddons would, no doubt, be able to explain why Bella couldn't keep food down for very long and had been vomiting around the clock for well over two weeks now. The doctor would give her something to settle her stomach, and that fear would be obliterated.

I was also fraught with nerves over how I was going to win Bella back. This wasn't your average, run of the mill teenage lover's spat where she'd caught me looking at another girl's tits or something equally asinine. This was some deep shit, and it wasn't going to be fixed with a bouquet of flowers and a sincere apology. I fully planned on offering both, just for the record; I just was realistic enough to know they weren't going to "make it all better."

Also – if I were being totally honest with myself – I didn't hold much stock in my earlier hope that Bella would see my two beatings, and the fact that I didn't fight back during either of them, as "punishment enough." But how did you get the woman you loved, who also happened to be pregnant with your child, to take you back after you accused her of cheating on you, had, in so many words, called her a whore, and demanded a paternity test because you didn't believe her child was yours – even though you _did _believe, you were just being a pussified asshole at the time to give you a second chance? These were the musings that had kept me up until the sky had turned the pinkish-lavender that signaled pre-dawn, and I had, at last, passed out in dreamless, restless slumber.

I spent quite a bit of Sunday floating in the eight person hot tub out on the back deck. Yeah, it was the middle of December, but what the fuck else was I supposed to do? My chores and homework were both done, and I was bored out of my fucking skull. Besides, the heated water soothed my screaming torso, and the steam opened my battered sinus passages so that I could talk without sounding like I had a cold.

A good deal of the swelling in my nose had gone down, and Dad had said that I would most likely be able to take the splint off tomorrow morning – though he wanted me to wear some tape for a few days. Fine, I could handle a bandage sized strip of tape so long as I didn't have to wear this metal and foam contraption to school; it was awkward and unsightly. I was going to get enough teasing about being a giant walking bruise without handing those ass-hats I matriculated with any more ammo to lob my way.

Sometime around five, Alice and Emmett came home, bringing Jasper and Rosalie with them. I had just given up on trying to play Xbox down in the rec room – not matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sit still, and my jerky movements were about to kill me – and was on my way through the kitchen where Mom was stirring something on the stove when they all came barreling through the garage door. Alice greeted me cordially, Jasper flashed me an apologetic smile as a greeting and lightly squeezed my shoulder on his way by, and Rosalie ignored my existence. Emmett, however, walked in, stopped and glared at me for half a second, then steamrolled past me, slamming his shoulder into me as hard as he could and tossing a smirk my way as he did so.

"Watch where you're fucking going, you Neanderfuck!"

"Edward Anthony, _language_," Esme snapped, then whipped around and pinned Em with a venomous stare that could have stopped a charging bull elephant in its tracks. "And, Emmett Andrew, if you 'accidentally' …" she brought her hands up and actually used air quotes "… harm your brother _one more time_, three times my size or _not_, I will turn you over my knee and whoop … your … _ass_."

After she'd effectively made Emmett shit his pants – I _hope_ not literally, but _damn_ was Esme one scary-ass mama – Mom greeted Rose and Jazz warmly.

"Jasper, Rosalie, how nice of you both to come over. Will you be staying for supper? We're having chili and cornbread."

I chuckled as quietly as I could when I looked over and saw that Jasper was actually blushing over the smile Esme was giving him and Rose. My not-so-silent laughter turned to a groaning grimace when he reached over and smacked me in the middle of my chest. I couldn't help the tear that escaped my eye, but refused to answer the question in his eyes when he angled his head toward me at the sound of my quietly uttered squeak of pain. I just smiled tightly in response to the concern marring Mom's face – at least I now had tangible proof that she did, in fact, still love me. I had seriously begun to wonder.

"If it's not an imposition, Esme, we'd love to," Rosalie piped up, and then blushed, ducking her head in seeming embarrassment but tried to laugh it off when she met Mom's eye again. "Our cook has the weekend off, and I don't think Jazz and I can stomach any more take-out food."

Mom just beamed at her, glad to have more children to mother-hen over. "It's no trouble at all, dear. Now, why don't you kids go watch some television downstairs until supper's ready, hm?"

We had all started to make our way down to the basement when Esme's caustic "mom" voice stopped us mid-step.

"Not _you_, Emmett. I believe _you_ have chores to finish, mister."

Was it wrong that I was secretly glad Emmett was now just as much in the dog house as I was with our mother? I didn't think so, and I didn't give it another thought as I settled into the padded leather recliner downstairs so I could sit semi-comfortably at a slight angle. The girls turned on some insipid "reality" show and immediately started making fun of the "fake-n-bake whores with the hideous bouffant 'dos," so it was Jasper to whom I addressed my inquisition.

"So, is she all moved in?"

He didn't even pretend not to know who I was talking about, but he did take his own sweet fucking time getting settled before he answered me. Dick-smack was making me sweat it out, I was sure.

"Yeah, James, the little decorating fairy that he is … _ow_, what the _fuck_, Alice," he screeched and started rubbing his arm where she'd just punched him.

She scrunched up her face and stuck her finger in his now startled one. "You leave my Jam-Jam alone! He was _trying_ to make her feel better."

He threw his hands up in surrender and was practically pleading with her. "I didn't _mean_ anything by it, baby. I think what he did was really sweet, and it turned out looking nice."

She glared at him for another second or two and then turned back to cattily gossip with a snickering Rosalie about the bitches on the TV. Jasper just smiled sweetly until she was no longer looking and then turned back to me while rolling his eyes. He could play that shit off all he wanted, but I knew first-hand how much Alice's punches hurt, and I also knew that Jasper was as afraid of her as I was – if not _more_.

"Anyway, he went and got new curtains and bedding as well as some of those small fluffy rugs girls like to throw around their rooms willy-nilly …" both girls tossed fulminating glares over their shoulders at him, but he didn't seem to notice "… all in different shades of purple. There were some other knickknack things here and there, but it really did look nice, and Bella seemed to like it a lot."

He went on to describe how James and Felix had even redecorated the bathroom attached to Bella's room in matching shades of purple. They wanted to make sure she felt "at home" with them and were practically bending over backward to make room in their space and lives for her. Every time I would pose a question about Bella's health, however, one or both girls would suddenly need Jasper's attention, or they'd simply offer up a snarky answer in his stead.

"Oh for the love of … if you were _this_ damn worried about her well-being, Cullen, then maybe you shouldn't have tossed her aside like last week's garbage! You're just like a fucking spoiled brat toddler – you don't want the toy until it's out of your reach, then you suddenly can't live without it and decide to throw a fucking temper tantrum until you get your way."

We all sat in stunned silence, mouths gaping and eyes bulging at Rosalie. She had been growing steadily angrier with every question I put to Jazz, but when I'd asked – yet again – if Bella had managed to keep any of her lunch down, Rose's control had snapped, and so had she. Mom chose that moment to come to the top of the stairs to announce that supper was ready, thus sparing me from having to beg for my life from the seething blonde beast.

I didn't speak to anyone at dinner and avoided making eye contact with my tablemates as much as possible. As soon as I had finished my last bite, I asked to be excused, quickly rinsing my dishes and hightailing it up the stairs before Emmett was done to hide from the world for one more night. My plan was a success, and I was left in peace until the following morning.

_~December 13, 2010~_

Monday dawned cool, gray, and rainy; just like every other God-forsaken day in this miserable little town had since the day I'd ripped my universe apart. Dad inspected my nose before he left for the hospital and declared it stable enough to remove the face splint and get by with a bandage instead – halle-_fucking_-lujah! That was one problem down; now, if I could keep anyone from bumping me too hard, or touching the left half of my torso at all, it just might not be _too_ hellish of a day. One of these days, I was sure to learn to stop with the wishful thinking, but today wasn't that day; at least not while Emmett was still pissed at me.

My hand wasn't even fully wrapped around the handle of my driver's side door when Em's meaty paw grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. His other hand slammed into the middle of my chest, pushing me back against my car and knocking not only the wind out of me but a few tears and a shriek of agony as well. He jumped back like I was on fire and started yelling.

"What the _fuck _is _wrong_ with you?"

I was swaying, fighting not to collapse to my knees, knowing that if I did so, I wasn't getting back up anytime soon. Dragging in ragged gasps of air, each one burning like I'd just taken a shot of hydrochloric acid, I worked to stem my tears and regulate my voice; I wasn't too sure how well my efforts worked, though, because Emmett was still looking freaked out over my reaction to what, otherwise, would've been considered a "light shove" by his standards.

"Some ass-monkey beat the shit out of me the other day, bruising three of my ribs and fracturing another one."

"Damn, I'm …" he momentarily looked contrite, and I was certain he was going to apologize, but then he stiffened his entire body, crossing his arms over his chest and jutting out his chin "… glad. You _de_–"

"Deserved it, yes, yes, I _know_," I impatiently cut him off. But now that we'd already established my level of culpability and agreed upon the sentence that had been handed down to me several days ago, there was no need to continue rehashing it. "Now, what the fuck did you want?" I glared at him, only half caring what he had to say at this point.

He looked stumped for a second, but quickly recovered. "Right! I just wanted to make sure you knew to stay the hell away from Bella. Alice and James filled me in on how you stalked her around school last week, and that shit ain't gonna fly anymore. You need to back the fuck off."

"Is this how you plan to butt out and let Bella and I sort our own shit out, Em?" I sneered at him.

His responding smirk brought me up short. "As a matter of fact, pretty boy, it _is_." And with that, he walked away.

Even before Emmett's little "show of might," I had already decided that I wasn't going to hover over or harass Bella. I was going to stick to the plan I'd formulated last week and give her space. She wasn't going to talk to me again until she was ready, and all I was doing was sparking her stubbornness to life. The suck end of it, though, was that patience had never been a virtue I'd cultivated – at least not successfully. It was an effort, but I ignored her when we passed in the halls and when she sat down in the seat next to me in history, but I never promised I wouldn't try to take care of her and my child.

I had cornered Alice just as she entered the cafeteria that afternoon, shoving a five into her hands and pleading with her to use it to buy Bella some lunch. She wanted to help me, I could plainly see that much, but I was frustrating and exasperating her. Well, tough shit. So long as I drew breath, it was going to be my job to provide for Bella and our baby.

"She won't eat it, Edward. And if by some miracle she _does_, she won't be able to keep it down."

I glanced over to where Bella sat with her feet in the hard plastic chair she sat in, her slender arms hugging her knees to her chest as she tried to curl herself into as small a ball as she could. It wouldn't matter how tiny she folded herself, she would never be able to fully hide from me. My eyes sought her out like my life depended on her – and it _did_.

"Please, Alice," I pleaded. "Just please _try_ and get her to eat; she looks too pale."

Alice eventually relented and I noticed a little while later that a tray with a turkey sandwich, apple, and bottle of water sat untouched in front of Bella. I didn't see Bella the rest of the day – she never showed up in sixth period – and I went straight home after the final bell to try not to wear a path in the family room rug as I waited for Alice to come home after their appointments that afternoon.

After the doctor, the girls were going to go see my uncle Caius about getting Bella emancipated from her piece-of-shit "parents," and I was just as excited to find out how that went as I was to hear about the doctor's visit. I had reminded Alice that morning to make sure Dr. Siddons knew how severe Bella's morning sickness had been – just in case Bella tried to downplay it – and to get pictures for me. If I couldn't be there, I at least wanted to see what they had seen. It wouldn't be the same, but if I played my cards right, maybe she'd let me go with her to the next appointment. In retrospect, if I had known the shit-storm that was about to befall me, I never would have been so eager for Monday evening to roll around.

* * *

**A/N:**

o_O?! Soooooooo?! =D You know the drill by now…do yo thang!

Btw, those saucy wenches who brought you the Show Me Your Patriotism Contest this past summer are at it again. They're trying their darndest to make Santa's Naughty List by bringing you the Holly Jolly Holiday Contest. They've also got a new name: TwiFic Contests-R-Us. Follow them on Twitter (a)TFC_R_Us then check out their blog (twificcontestsrus dot wordpress dot com) and visit the FFn site for full contest details (www dot fanfiction dot com/~TwiFicContests-R-Us).

If you'd prefer, you can stalk my lovely heinie by following (a)artemisleaena on Twitter or by friending artemisleaena(a)aol dot com over on Facebook. There's even an FB group devoted to discussing my fics & the latest news on my writing: www dot facebook dot com/groups/TempleofArtemis.


	11. Bella's Inferno

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180 **_& _**wmr1601**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =)

* * *

**Chapter 11:  
Bella's Inferno**

**BPOV**

_~December 13, 2010~_

Violently throwing up, sobbing incoherently, and whimpering pathetically while curled in a ball on the cold bathroom floor with my head in Rose's lap were all I could manage to do the entire three hours the others were gone on Friday. Every now and then, Rose would swipe a cool washcloth across my sweaty forehead, or coo soft words of comfort to me, but mostly she just sat and hummed inane little tunes while stroking my hair. It was all very serene, calm, and in total contrast to the tumultuous ambivalence swirling through my veins.

All may have been quiet on the outside, but inside, there was a battle of epic proportions being waged between my brain and my heart – with no clear winner emerging. Logically, my mind asserted, it made no sense for me to give a fuck what Emmett, Jasper, and James did to Edward; he didn't love or want me anymore, so why should I _care_ if they roughed him up? But rationality held no sway over my heart, and all it wanted was to be back in the sheltering arms that once shielded me from the icy winds of life. For the first time in my life, I had been loved, wanted, needed, and _valued_; my soul cried for the loss and want of that magical feeling again.

Intellectual reasoning kept me from dialing any of my wayward friends in their absence, but fervent yearning propelled me up and out the door, practically throwing myself down the stairs, when I heard them return. I stumbled to a halt, my trembling hand seizing the polished oak balustrade of the Hales' ornate staircase in a white-knuckled death grip, as one by one, four sets of eyes lowered beyond my sight and passed by me. Emmett was the last to cross my path, the slowest to duck my gaze, and the most revealing of what had happened as my eyes took in his bruised and cracked knuckles before he could tuck them into his pockets.

The room spun into inky blackness, and my next semi-conscious memory was of being held against a solid chest as bands of steel wrapped around me, and a warm body softly rocked back and forth. A deep baritone was humming sweetly in my ear, and a large hand was gently drifting over my scalp and through my hopelessly tangled locks. Without opening my eyes, I snuggled deeper into the loving embrace within which I was cradled. My brain couldn't figure out how I'd gotten here, but my heart rejoiced in finally finding its way back home and a contentedly sighed "Edward" escaped my lips as I allowed the peace now filling me to lull me back into oblivion.

I eventually woke to find it wasn't Edward's chest I was curled against as if my life depended on it – which it didn't, but perhaps my sanity did. Rather, it was James who held me tightly as we slept on the couch in the family room. I wasn't surprised to find a bucket sitting on the floor beside us, but I was extremely shocked by the fact that I didn't feel the need to _use_ it. For the first time in weeks, my tummy was at peace. The lack of gastric explosions lasted only as long as it took for Alice to wave a bowl of chicken noodle soup under my nose, though – so, ten minutes, maybe?

I spent Saturday and Sunday in a similar fashion. It seemed no matter what I ate, the alien residing in my abdomen would disagree and cause me to expel the meager amount of food I'd managed to consume. Through trial and error, we discovered I could consistently keep down plain chicken broth, saltines, and water, but I couldn't subsist on these three things alone for long. In between rounds of "How Fast Can Bella Get to the Toilet to Puke?" – my least favorite game in existence – my friends explained to me what had gone down at the Cullen house while I had upchucked my stomach lining and outlined James' idea for me to move in with him and Felix.

I didn't know why the thought of filing for emancipation hadn't occurred to me after my "parents" turned their backs on me, but I was in love with the idea from the start. Alice had called her uncle Caius Friday evening, and he had advised us that we would need some sort of leasing contract – fortunately the local office supply store sold generic ones – that stipulated how much I would pay and when, and that it would need to be a "fair market" amount to be considered legitimate. Since I would only be renting a single bedroom, as well as contributing to one-third of the utilities, it was agreed that two-hundred-and-fifty dollars was an adequate amount.

Caius approved of the dollar figure and our use of the generic lease agreement but suggested we allocate the term of the contract to only be for the ten months between now and my eighteenth birthday. He also advised James to provide me with a paper receipt each month in case the court asked to see my proof of payment and that James' accountant should make sure the monthly deposits were labeled as renter's income. Caius was certain my receipts would satisfy any requirements, but he was a "cover all bases" kind of lawyer, and it made perfect sense to me. So once we had all the technicalities ironed out, I moved into James and Felix's adorable two-bedroom, rambler-style house. Unfortunately, that meant I was now living in the room where my world had been irrevocably and forever changed.

If only everything in life could've been so easily sorted out, but that's just not the way the universe works. I had hoped that hearing about Em beating the shit out of his asshole brother would help me to gain the perspective I needed to finally hop off this fence my brain and heart had me riding. If anything, though, I was even _more_ confused by their revelation than I'd been before. Edward had not only accepted Friday's ass-whooping without throwing a single retaliatory punch, but they said he'd thrown a bitch-fit when Carlisle hadn't included him on the guest list for my first doctor's appointment Monday. They also shared that he'd been visibly shocked and shaken when he'd learned where I'd been living for the past week and how hard this had been for me. That extra knowledge wasn't helping me reconcile my heart and mind in the least.

My heart couldn't wait to point out that he wouldn't have acted that way if he no longer loved me, but my brain was a stubborn ass that didn't want to hear it. I thought that Alice was firmly in my camp as a supporter, but with every comment she threw out, I had to wonder if it was _me_ she was helping or _Edward_. Over the course of the weekend, I'd heard an intermittent, but consistent, recitation of how Edward told Newton that "we" – as in, he and I – were pregnant, how excited Edward was for the pictures from my upcoming appointment, or about the stupid little grin and glazed over eyes – Alice's words – he would get every time someone mentioned the ba– … I still couldn't say the word. In my mind, if I didn't say it, it wasn't real.

What _was_ real was the sight of James standing at the stove in a pair of fuzzy pink Hello Kitty pajama pants – with matching slippers, mind you – and a black, silky robe that came to just below his ass as he made breakfast for me and Felix Monday morning. He flitted around the kitchen buttering toast, stirring eggs, and pouring Felix's coffee. When Felix - who was clearly _not_ a morning person – finally stumbled out of bed a few minutes later, grumbling and scratching his scruffy chin, I couldn't help but giggle. He obviously didn't share James' flare for sleepwear and modesty, as he was shirtless and wearing a pair of green plaid boxers that left little – if anything – to the imagination_._

Even knowing he was gay, one look at James Allen Hunter astride his motorcycle, wearing his leather jacket, and flexing his ample musculature, people would think he was the "man" in his and Felix's relationship – and quite possibly a little dangerous, too. It was only those of us who were blessed enough to call him family that knew he was the most domesticated, loving, doting, and mother hen-like "woman" God had ever put on Earth. I loved watching the two of them interact. They were always sharing innocent touches, whispering endearments, and supporting each other in a thousand different ways; they reminded me a lot of Carlisle and Esme.

"Good morning, dears," James called to us as we moved to sit down at the table.

He placed a plate of poached eggs, sausage, and toast in front of Felix, giving him a kiss on the cheek as he did so, and gave me a nervous smile.

"I heated you up some broth, BabyBel, but I thought you might want to try to nibble on a few eggs if you felt up to it."

My stomach was surprisingly calm, and although the runny yolks of Felix's breakfast looked entirely unappetizing, maybe something more solid would stay down.

"Um … yes, please. Can you do mine scrambled?"

Felix chuckled quietly around a mouthful of food while James cocked his hip out, placed one hand on it, and started waving his spatula at me with the other hand. His jaw appeared unhinged as his mouth hung open, and when he started speaking, his head did this weird side-to-side jerky move. It was his quasi-high-pitched, indignant tone of voice, though, that had me clutching my sides in laughter.

"Are you trying to say, little Miss BabyBel, that I don't know how to _cook_? Because, I assure you, my baby is a well-fed man!"

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and blurring my vision. He was just so … so … stereotypical! I waved my hands before me in surrender and attempted to compose myself.

"No, not at _all_! I can see he's a _very_ satisfied man." Felix almost choked on his bite of toast, and James huffed around a smirk. "So, Jamie, sweetheart, can I have some of your hardy and delicious scrambled eggs?"

"It's a good thing you're pregnant …" he ignored the frown tugging my mouth downward "… or I'd whack you in that pretty little head of yours." He turned back to the stove, but commented over his shoulder with a snide little chuckle, "Not that you'd _feel_ it with that haystack you call _hair_ cushioning the blow."

I tried not to allow myself to be pulled under the waves of despair that threatened to crash over my head. I didn't see a single _good_ thing about my being preg– damn it; I was going to need to learn to at least _think_ the word if I was going to go through with my plans. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to regain control over my suddenly rebelliously shaking muscles, but I was unable to stop the single tear that escaped my eye when I felt Felix's comforting hand close over my forearm before he whispered to me.

"It's okay, Bell, honey. We're with you … no matter what."

Without opening my eyes, I nodded my acknowledgement of his encouraging words and the gentle squeeze he gave my flesh before he went back to his breakfast. A moment or two later, a plate of eggs was set in front of me, and I looked up into the concerned face of one my best friends, making a hollow attempt at a genuine smile to soothe the unease creasing his brow. I forked up a decent sized bite of eggs and hummed my appreciation of them – even though they tasted like lumps of wet paper to my stunted taste buds. The gesture seemed to alleviate his anxiousness; too bad it didn't last longer than the three mouthfuls it took for my body to violently reject the sustenance.

I ended up sipping on a travel mug of broth and nibbling a few crackers as James drove us to school that morning in his precious Giu-Giu – the glittery, midnight blue Alfa Romeo Giulietta he very rarely ever allowed to leave the confines of his garage – after refusing to drive _my_ car. I had put up a brief fight to be able to take my own vehicle, but as James pointed out, it didn't make much sense for me to drive myself when Alice would be taking me to the doctor and to see her Uncle Caius after school. Also, there was no way on God's green Earth he was going to be seen in my "rust bucket," as he called it. I had just rolled my eyes and made my way over to his shiny little car, thus giving in to his whiny wishes.

I didn't see much point in the first appointment – given that I had the second one – but I had decided to humor everyone. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate the trouble Carlisle had gone to for me; it was just that there might not be any follow ups, so why bother with the initial visit? I reminded myself, however, that no one knew yet what I was considering. No one had the first clue about what I had almost talked myself into doing.

School was a fucking nightmare – not that I had expected anything less. Once again, my misplaced faith in the intelligence quotient of my "peers" reared its ugly head. I had underestimated the rabidity of small town gossipmongers and was genuinely surprised when tittering whispers broke out wherever I went that day. According to the rumors running rampant up and down the halls of Forks High, I was such a ravenous whore that I was even willing to fuck gay guys. I mean, why _else_ would James have driven me to school? He never had _before_.

Were these village idiot wannabes _serious_? He couldn't _possibly_ have been waiting for me after each of my classes, and making sure to keep his arm around either my shoulders or waist, in an attempt to protect me from the frenzied mob intent on ensuring I knew my place in the world? _Trust_ me; I was _well_ aware that I was the world's whipping bitch without it being pointed out to me every forty-five fucking minutes. Naturally, everyone overlooked the fact that he was one of my best friends, and had been almost since my first day here. No, the _only_ plausible reason for him to chauffer and escort me around would be if I was fucking him; it's what Edward used to do, after all.

Speaking of Edward, about the _only_ thing that went right for me that day was that he had stopped stalking me at every turn. I walked into third period dismayed to find that my side trip to the restroom to dry heave had left the desk next to his as my only seating option, but he didn't try to talk to me once. He also made no attempt to speak to me during lunch. I had, however, seen him slipping a couple of dollars to an exasperated looking Alice and figured it went to pay for the turkey sandwich, apple, and bottled water that was set before me several minutes later.

The part of me that continued to dream of Edward at night, and longed to feel his arms around me as I slept, wanted to rejoice in this clear sign that he still cared about me. My stoic – and still quite pissed off, I might add – mind wasn't so easily swayed and refused to touch the food he'd bought for me via Alice. It had rationalized that if I ate the proffered lunch, I would most likely miss a good portion of my afternoon classes while I buried my head in a toilet, but it couldn't explain why I wouldn't allow myself to at least sip the water.

As it was, I ended up skipping out of my final class to purge the soda crackers and cold broth I'd ended up consuming in place of the tray of food. Some of the water Alice had been shoving in my face for the last class or two also made a reappearance, but I was certain I had enough left in me for the task I would soon face.

Normally, I dreaded riding in any vehicle Alice was behind the wheel of, but I was never so glad as to slide into the passenger seat of her lemon yellow Porsche that afternoon and be whisked away from the seventh layer of Hell. I failed to take into account, though, that she was transporting me to an even deeper level of those fiery, torturous pits when I had my mini-mental celebration. That realization came crashing into me with the force of a tomahawk missile when we pulled into a spot outside the family clinic attached to the hospital just before three that afternoon.

After filling out a mountain of forms that asked everything but my fucking shoe size, and me having yet _another_ connip-fit about Carlisle paying for my visit, Alice and I sat waiting for my name to be called. Not that I gave a damn what the silicone-injected bimbo thought, but if the snide looking, strawberry blonde sitting in the corner clinging to the poster-child for steroid overuse didn't stop sneering at me, I was going to go over and snatch the bitch bald – one tacky extension at a time! Maury Povich's future guest was spared my wrath when a perky, raven-haired woman called my name, introducing herself as Dr. Siddons' nurse, Emily, as we passed through the door.

Emily took me over to be weighed before leading us into an exam room where she checked my temperature and blood pressure. When she was done entering the numbers in the computer, she instructed me to remove all my clothes except for my socks – which I could keep on if I wanted – and put on an ugly hospital gown with the ties in the front. This seemed odd to me until she explained that since I had never had one, the doctor would be performing a pap-smear and breast examination as part of my visit – super! After Emily left, telling us the doctor would be in momentarily as she went through the door, I stripped down and watched in amusement as Alice meticulously folded my clothes – including my panties. I ended up taking my socks off too; it seemed ridiculous to me to be completely nude except for my feet.

I wasn't sure how much time passed between when the nurse left and three short knocks preceded Dr. Siddons' way too cheery entrance, but it was too damn long for my already frazzled nerves.

"Good afternoon, Bella. I'm Dr. Siddons, but please call me Vicky."

She reached out to shake my hand firmly before settling down on a little rolling stool and logging on to the in-room computer. I glanced over and saw her clicking through a few different screens with my name in bold, block letters at the top. She must have found what she was looking for, because she suddenly swiveled around and blinded me with a bright smile.

"So, your blood pressure looks good. Your weight also is fine despite you having lost five pounds since your check-up with Dr. Clark back in May. You're a petite girl, so one-hundred is perfectly fine … for now. Now, the first thing we're going to do is get Emily back in here to take some blood from you." I outwardly cringed, inciting Vicky to giggle and pat my knee "I know, sweetheart, but we have to do it to make sure you get a healthy start to your pregnancy."

She logged off the computer and made her way over to the door, stopping midway through the portal to state, "I'll be back in a few minutes, after Emily is done, okay?"

I nodded and attempted a smile, but failed to emulate her positivity – probably because there was very little to be happy about in my life right now. Not long after Victoria left, Emily bounced back into the room – was she fucking related to the Energizer Bunny? – and was a little _too_ eager for her leech duties in my opinion. I reclined back on the paper covered table and tried to tune out Alice's incessant chatter while keeping my gown covering my private bits. In spite of my efforts to ignore the urge, Alice's yammering about the horrid water pressure in her shower sparked my bladder to start begging to get rid of the two bottles of water she had forced me to drink about an hour ago.

Sitting up, I crossed and uncrossed my legs, bounced in place, tried to think of sand dunes – they were the driest thing that sprang to mind – but the last one just led my brain to visions of sandy beaches, which brought me back to _water!_ Fucking Dr. Siddons' "few minutes" turned into thirty, by the end of which I thought my eyeballs were going to turn yellow with my desperate need to pee. Given my current emergent need, it was no wonder all I could manage in response to Vicky's chuckled apology upon her return was a curt nod and a scowl, the latter of which deepened when I finally noticed the machine on wheels she was pulling into the room with her.

"Okay, so your blood work confirmed that you are, indeed, pregnant." Was her smile supposed to be congratulatory? What the fuck was there to celebrate about this? "I'm going to assume you drank the recommended thirty-two ounces of water an hour before your appointment–"

"I had her drink two twenty ounce bottles … just in case," Alice chimed in before I could answer.

This news enlarged Vicky's grin and had her giggling again. Did she think this made her charming and endearing? Because, I'll be honest, all it was making me want to do was plant my size seven shoe in her ass.

"Perfect, then we'll go ahead and do an ultrasound to get some measurements. After that you can use the restroom, though we'll need a sample while you're in there, and we can complete the rest of your physical exam, alright?"

My answer was to not answer, and I was secretly delighted that my lack of enthusiasm seemed to chip away a few layers of her excitement. She got me situated on the table with a sheet across my lap for modesty and my gown opened to expose my stomach and proceeded to explain why we were doing the sonogram, but she forgot to tell me the damn gel was going to be colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra before squeezing a shit-ton of it on me – bitch!

She was pressing the wand thingy down into my gut – not exactly helping with the full bladder situation – and tapping away on the giant keyboard that was below the screen that she, thankfully, had turned away from me. I hadn't noticed when she had returned, but when Dr. Siddons started asking me questions, I realized that Emily was logged on to the computer in the corner of the room, typing away as I made my replies.

"So, Carlisle mentioned you knew about how far along you were, but I still have to ask some standard questions, okay?"

"Yes."

"When was the start of your last period?"

"Um … I don't know. Sometime in early October, I think. But I got pr …" fuck me sideways on a greased up pogo stick "… uh … this happened on the thirtieth, or rather early morning of the thirty-first."

"May I ask why you say that?" She stopped clicking and typing for a second and leaned around the monitor to give me an apologetic grin. "I'm sorry, it's just that most people aren't so observant as to know their exact date of conception."

"Oh … um … it's fine." It wasn't, and I knew my quiet tone showed not only that but my humiliation as well. "I just know because it's the only time my ex-boyfriend and I had sex without protection."

She quirked an eyebrow, and I could tell her slight frown was totally involuntary as she asked, "Ex?"

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, trying – perhaps in vain – to forestall the tears that threatened. Fortunately, there were no further questions until she started gently wiping the nasty goop off my stomach and explaining that she was done.

"Everything looks good, and the fetus' growth is consistent with your conception date, which puts you near the start of your sixth week and gives you a projected due date of July thirtieth, give or take a week or two. First babies tend to be the most stubborn and either insist on meeting everyone early or are determined to never come out."

I was the only one who didn't think she was funny. Both she and Alice swallowed their chuckles when they noticed my complete and utter lack of amusement.

"So, have you had any nausea?"

"A little b–"

"She's vomiting multiple times a day and has been since a couple of days before Thanksgiving."

I glared murderously at Alice and demanded with my eyes that she shut the fuck up _immediately._ Of course she didn't.

"The only things she's consistently held down for any length of time are water, distilled chicken broth, and soda crackers. Although, those all tend to come back up eventually, too."

She ended her tattle fest by aiming a concerned frown at me, instantly making me feel like the world's biggest bitch for being mad. She was just worried about me, and I reminded myself – yet again – that she didn't know it wasn't going to be an issue for very much longer.

"Would you like me to prescribe an anti-nausea medication for you?"

"No thank you."

"Okay, but if you change your mind, just give my office a call, and I'll send the script to the pharmacy. Now, would you like to see your baby?"

"Yes!"

"_No!_"

I had bellowed over Alice's excited squeal, and poor Victoria wasn't sure who to address first as her gaze volleyed between the two of us. I shook my head and cleared my throat.

"I'm sorry, it's just that … um …" I cast a nervous look toward Alice and her confused frown before facing Vicky again "… I've decided I'll be t-terminating the p-p-pre …" I took a deep breath and forced the word out between clenched teeth "… pregnancy."

I straightened my spine, opened my eyes, and stoically ignored Alice's gasp and quiet whimper-sob, choosing, instead, to focus on Victoria and her serious countenance. This wasn't a choice I had made on a whim. More thought and deliberation had gone into my decision than I cared to dwell on, but, in the end, it was the best resolution for me and my life. My heart and soul railed against me for planning to do it, but I was firm in my resolve that the _only_ way to salvage what little hope I held for having a decent future was to _not_ continue down this path.

"I understand, Bella, and am sure this wasn't an easy decision to come by."

I shook my head.

"However, are you aware that, since you're a minor, you would need the consent of a parent or guardian to have an abortion?"

No, I wasn't, but that wouldn't be a problem within the next week or two, so no need to admit to my ignorance. "I know, but after we leave here, Alice is taking me to see her uncle who's a lawyer, and I'll be filing to be emancipated."

Why did her smile not feel encouraging?

"Given your current situation, I think that's a very smart idea, but I'm afraid it won't change anything for you. Even once you're emancipated, you're still considered a minor when it comes to laws that pertain directly to your health and safety."

My heart was flying, my mind was crying, and my stomach had dropped through the floor. I didn't want to believe that I was stuck in this intolerable situation, and I didn't know what to say in response to this new information. Luckily, I was spared when Vicky told me I could finally use the restroom and handed me a cup while gently reminding me to leave the sample in the "drop box" that was in the bathroom. On my way out the door, I heard Alice ask in a whisper for a few pictures for her parents and brother, all of whom were excited to see the fuzzy, bean-sized life disrupter.

The rest of my examination was conducted in near silence, speaking only when necessary during my physical part. We left the office without making a follow-up appointment – I was tenaciously clinging to the slim chance I might still be able to get a "get out of jail free" pass from this misery. Two hours and half a box of tissues later, I was home and curled up in ball between Felix and James on the sofa, their arms wrapped around me as I wailed in devastation and defeat.

Uncle Caius had not only confirmed what Dr. Siddons had said, but had added his own doom and gloom to the situation. In addition to proving I could provide shelter for myself, I had to prove to the state that I could manage my educational and financial affairs as well. I wasn't concerned about the schooling; even though I'd been missing a lot of class the last several weeks, my grades were still good. The finances were going to be trickier. I needed to get a job, and I had to do so in a town where my bad-mouthing, vengeful, jackass of a father was venerated as a fucking saint, and where half the people thought I was a gold-digging whore – no problem!

That was the _good_ news from Caius. It seemed that after I jumped through all of the state's fucking hoops, gathering all my "proof of responsibility" along the way, and filed my petition, the County Clerk's Office wasn't allowed to even _start_ to process my request for sixteen days. Oh, it got _better! _He also informed me that they could take up to _sixty days_ to grant me a hearing for a judge to approve my petition. Basically, even if the emancipation _would _allow me to legally obtain an abortion, the _best _case scenario of the process to get to that point had the whole thing taking approximately two months start to finish. Either way you sliced it that would put me beyond the timeframe of a safe, legal abortion. The bottom line was: I was _fucked _… again.

I had eventually quieted down enough that the guys felt secure in allowing me out of their sights. James got up to start supper, sending Felix to the store for more chicken broth, and I went to go lie down. My stomach was doing cartwheels and threatening to sentence me to another hour on my knees before the porcelain god – a fate I wanted to avoid for as long as possible.

I had given in during one of my brief breaks between crying jags and texted Alice, asking her to please call Dr. Siddons' office to get that anti-nausea script and then go to the pharmacy to get it and the prenatal vitamins Victoria wanted me to start taking. Since "plan A" had failed epically, I had no other choice than to do the "responsible" thing and take care of both myself and the b-b-ba …

I grabbed a pillow, making a valiant effort to smother myself with it, as I growled in frustration into the fluffy purple rectangle. Even if I decided to go with "plan B" – which I wasn't one-hundred percent certain I would be able to do – that four letter word was one I was going to be using for the next few months, if not years. Flinging the pillow back over to the other side of the Queen sized bed, I took several deep breaths and forced myself to say the word … aloud.

"B-b-b-ba-bay …" Fucking A! "_Baby_," I finally shouted to the ceiling.

As soon as the word had passed my lips, I broke down into a fit of maniacal giggles, repeating the word over and over in different voices and registers until it lost all meaning. Suddenly a tune that had me giggling even more started tripping through my mind and found its way out of my mouth as I quietly sang.

"_Baby, baby, where did our love go? Oh, don't you want me? Don't you want me no more? Baby, baby–_"

My next line was rudely interrupted by the sound of James angrily yelling at someone.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here? Hey! What do you think … get the _fuck_ _out of my house!_"

I had pried my sorry, aching body off my bed and started down the hall toward the commotion, but stopped just before entering the living room. James had just finished hollering and was now seething in a rabid rage at the man standing in the middle of room who was glaring stonily at me.

"We need to talk, Isabella … _now,_" Edward gritted out.

* * *

**A/N:**

Thoughts? Concerns? Random emotional outbursts? =)

Featured song lyrics to "Where Did Our Love Go" by The Supremes are courtesy of A-Z Lyrics Universe.

***FYI*** As of 2011, the state of Washington has no legal age of consent or mandatory waiting period, nor any other restrictions, on public &/or privately funded abortions. However, as per the "Petition for Emancipation" packet instructions, emancipated youths are not considered adults for the purposes of "…legal health and safety regulations…." So, for the plot of this story to be feasible, we are suspending reality & pretending limitations on the age of consent for an abortion DO exist in WA. Also, as per the "PfE" packet, the petition cannot be processed sooner than 16 business days from the date of filing, but must be processed in no more than 60 business days from the date filed.


	12. The Tell Tale Heartbreak

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks & love to my extraordinary betas, _**Mel/mcc101180**_ & _**wmr1601, **_& my pre-reading Goddess, _**caz12771**_!

* * *

**Chapter 12:  
The Tell Tale Heartbreak**

**EPOV**

_~December 13, 2010~_

Shortly before five that evening, Alice trudged wearily through the front door and into the family room where Mom, Dad, and I were just getting ready to watch the early edition of the news. She flopped down on the sofa next to Carlisle, her eyes tired and sad.

"There're your pictures, Edward."

She dispassionately pointed to several slips of glossy, black and white paper she had dropped on the coffee table when she'd sat down. I threw a questioning glance at my sister – who turned away from me to stare at the television in uncharacteristic silence – as I lunged forward, eager to see my baby for the first time. Having taken a physiology class last year, and currently being enrolled in Advanced Biology II, I figured I would know what I was looking at when I saw these first fetal scans. I couldn't have been more wrong and was confused and confounded by what I was seeing. I didn't want to appear stupid, but after several minutes of turning my head from side to side and looking at the grainy image from every imaginable angle, I gave up and asked for help.

"Um … Dad?"

"Yes, son?" He glanced away from the photo that was identical to the one I held and that Esme had scooted over to ooh-and-ah over with him.

I flipped the paper in my hand so that the image was facing him and pointed to the fuzzy white splotch in the bottom center of all the blackness. "Uh … what is this? Where's my baby?"

Alice huffed and rolled her eyes while Mom and Dad exchanged amused looks and then burst into hysterical laughter.

"Yes, that's right," I jokingly sneered. "Laugh at your dumbass son."

"Dumbass _prick_ of a son," Alice muttered.

Carlisle's laughter had slowed to light chuckles which were still vibrating through his body as he turned a furrowed brow of inquiry to his daughter and got much the same response _I_ had moments before: her head turned away from him and a refusal to answer. With a tiny shake of his head to clear his grimace and humor-contorted expression, he looked toward me and gestured to the photograph in my hand.

"That _is_ your baby, Edward. Bella's just at around six weeks along, so the fetus is only about the size of a large pea. But look …" he shifted so that he was sitting on the edge of his cushion and leaning partially across Alice's knees as he reached over the edge of the table to hold one side of my photo, pointing at the blob "… see this series of tiny black marks here?"

I squinted my eyes, trying to focus in on what he'd indicated. It took me a second or two, but I finally saw the two little squiggles and a dot he was referring to. "Yes?"

He chuckled at me again, and Esme coo-squealed from his other side. "Those, son, are your baby's heart and lungs."

I gasped and ripped the paper from his hand, staring even more intently at the image. Now that he'd pointed them out, and I knew what they _were_, I couldn't _not_ see them. I collapsed against the back of my chair, one hand covering my own heart and feeling its steady rhythm, the other still clutching my baby's first picture. I felt tears forming along my lower lids – that's right, I was fucking _crying_ looking at my child … got a problem with that? – and turned my awe-filled, goofily grinning face to my beaming parents as a single tear streaked down my cheek. A thought suddenly occurred to me, causing me to sit upright again and lean toward my father in excitement.

"Is … is its heart …" I had to pause and clear my suddenly emotion clogged throat "… um … beating?"

This question brought silly grins to my parents' faces and had Dad chuckling while Mom giggled like a school girl. I didn't care this time, though, and truth be told, I sort of felt like giggling a bit myself. I wouldn't, but I felt like it, especially when Carlisle answered me.

"Yes, but at a speed about twice that of yours. Its back must have been facing out so you can't see it, but the baby _also_ now has a face."

My wide and bulging eyes flew from the precious spot on the paper to his amused blue orbs in a silent question that he understood.

"No, it's not fully developed, and it won't even have eyelids until sometime this week, but the basic shape and features are there."

"Wow," I whispered reverently, wishing little Sweet Pea – I had to call it something other than "it" – had been looking forward so I could see its beautiful face. Sweet Pea would look like his or her moth–

Alice's huff and not-so-quietly grumbled, "Like _you_ give a rat's ass" interrupted my moment of sappiness.

"What the fuck is your _problem_, Alice?"

"Edward, _language_," Esme admonished before leaning around Carlisle to chastise her daughter, "But he has a point. What _is_ going on with you this evening?"

Her eyes began volleying frantically between Mom's and Dad's faces, her vocal chords refusing to give life to the words her mouth desperately tried forming. I sat forward, leaning my elbows on my knees, and pinned her with a harsh glare. She collapsed under the weight of our scrutiny, her head dropping down and her tiny shoulders shaking as heavy sobs wracked her body.

Esme sprang up, quickly moving to sit on the table in front of Alice and placing a gentle hand on her daughter's knee as Carlisle wrapped a single arm around her shoulders.

"Alice, sweetheart, what's wrong? What happened?"

His low and urgent, but soothing, voice was the catalyst that sparked her voice into action. She turned toward him and raised her head until their gazes locked, then whispered my heart's death sentence.

"Bella wants to have an abortion."

If Emmett's push this morning had knocked the breath from my lungs, Alice's words ripped the malfunctioning air sacks clean from my chest, making it next to impossible to breathe. Carlisle was sitting, staring at Alice as if he'd forgotten how to speak, and Esme had instantly burst into tears, flying forward to engulf my miniscule sister in a stranglehold hug.

Me? I was numb and lifeless, my brain having shut down, refusing to process the words it had heard. I glanced down at the paper in my hands again, running my thumb lovingly over and around the image of my baby. _Our_ baby: mine and Bella's. A child, though entirely unplanned, we had, no less, conceived in love and that Bella now wanted to get rid of.

A red haze of rage clouded my eyes, and my heart started beating at an alarming rate, the sound of it pounding in my ears like waves crashing against a cliff until all other sounds in the world faded away – including the buzzing of my family's voices as they yelled for me not to go when I jumped up and ran out of the house.

Before I knew it, I was in my car, racing across town. Did I obey the speed limit? Did I stop for red lights and/or stop signs? Was anyone following me? These were questions I couldn't answer in my blind fury. I was on a mission, and nothing, not even the law, was going to deter me. It felt like only seconds had passed between the time I had peeled out of my driveway and when I screeched to a halt outside the little house wherein dwelled my entire reason for existing.

Adrenaline was coursing through my veins like a raving monster, and I could feel the heat radiating from my lava-red face when my hand passed my cheek as I was releasing my seatbelt. The fiery winds of Hell were blowing behind me, propelling me out of my car, up the meticulously tended cobblestone walk, and to the oak door with the large oval lead-lined, frosted glass insert. And it was sheer outraged inertia which flung my fist forward to pound on that entry portal until it was finally ripped open.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?"

It was James, a frilly pink apron hooked over his head and tied around his waist, who answered the door – and quite angrily too. _Good_, I thought as I took a step toward him; at least I wasn't alone in the feeling.

"Hey! What do you think–"

"You're not going to keep me from her, Hunter," I growled in a low, even voice as I pushed past him into the living room, looking around it for Bella.

"Get the _fuck_ _out of my house!_"

He hadn't bothered to close the door, choosing to try and oust my intruding ass instead. I started to turn and tell him he could _try_ and evict me with his fairy wings and iron fists – is that how he'd put it? – but it wasn't going to happen, when my angry gaze landed and locked onto the wide, doe eyes of the exact person I had sought.

"We need to talk, Isabella … _now,_" I gritted out between clenched teeth.

Bella stood, cowering in a frozen state, on the threshold between the hallway and the main room, but James wasn't so encumbered and jumped into my line of sight, effectively blocking me from my goal.

"Over my _dead_ fucking _body_, Cullen."

He was snarling, practically foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog, and bloodlust was oozing from his every pore, but I'd be damned if he was going to stop me.

"I could've sworn Carlisle told all of you that this was between _me_ …" I jerked a thumb toward my chest "… and _Bella_ …" my index finger stabbed in her direction "… so _you_ …" I took a threatening step toward him "… need to get _out_ of my fucking face."

His posture took on a defensive position as he coiled in preparation to deflect my attack which never came. A deep voice boomed through the room, startling all of us but making Bella jump in fright, and causing James and I to leap apart from each other.

"Somebody want to tell me why my front door is standing wide fucking open and World War Three is about to erupt in my living room?"

"He's not going anywhere _near_ her, Felix. She's been through enough today without this fuck-monkey adding to it."

James' cold, steely gaze never left me as he explained – in his own way – the situation. I wasn't stupid enough to turn my back on the blond man. I'd seen him in a fight before, and he was lethal, but out of the corner of my eye, I looked for and found Felix. The large, dark-haired man's narrowed eyes were darting around the room, surveying its occupants and reading the atmosphere. Appearing to have come to some conclusion, he closed his eyes and sighed in resignation before nodding – more to himself than anyone else – and stepping forward.

He stopped directly in front of me, coming between James and me, and I thought he was going to come to James' aid and forcibly remove me from the premises. Instead, he crossed his arms over his massive chest and looked down, his gray eyes seeming to drill into mine.

"Are you here to hurt her?"

I furrowed my brow in consternation. The question was straight-forward on the surface, but I sensed a deeper meaning, one I wasn't readily grasping. The lines around his eyes became more pronounced and his scowl deepened. In that instant, I grasped the fuller depth of his words, feeling the sudden urge to vomit as I did so. I staggered back from him, my hands flying up in the air in surrender, and my voice squeaking a little as I hastily tried to nip that malignancy in the bud.

"Whoa! I just wanted to _talk_ to her."

He nodded again and grunted out a gruff assent before moving over to and shutting the door, retrieving the plastic grocery sacks he'd deposited there when he'd arrived. He then walked over and put his free arm around James' shoulders, the slightly smaller man's body instantly falling out of its stiff, defensive stance. His body language may have said he was acquiescing, but the incredulous defiance dripping from his tone belied that impression.

"You have _got_ to be joking, Felix! You're not _actually_ suggesting we leave her _alone_ with him, are you?"

Felix's only answer was to lean in and place a hard kiss to James' temple and then steer the stunned blond man toward the kitchen. After pushing James through the swinging door, Felix stopped and turned to glare at me just before he passed through the doorway as well.

"You will _respect_ her while under my roof. Do I make myself clear, Edward?"

I audibly gulped as I felt the implicit promise – they weren't empty threats; he _would_ tear me limb from limb if I hurt her – behind each one of his words shooting through me. "Crystal."

I turned away, and we were finally alone. I took a moment to appreciate the gift Felix had just given me, and then located Bella still hovering timidly in the hall entrance, her hands turning a raw shade of red from having been wrung together for so long. I worked to relax my tense muscles and school my features into a benign visage, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger while taking a deep breath. _Big_ mistake!

I unconsciously sucked in another deep breath, this one sharp and stilted, as a blinding, searing pain ripped through my chest and left me gasping for breath and seeking a handhold to keep from succumbing to the wave of dizziness that washed over me. Adrenaline had been amazing at killing the pain in my dash over here, but now that it was expended, there was nothing stopping me from feeling the consequences of my hasty actions.

I hadn't seen or heard her approach, but I felt the cool softness of Bella's hand as she grabbed my arm to steady me, and I heard the fearful concern in her voice when she addressed me. "Edward, are you alright?"

I had squeezed my eyes shut so tight that when I first opened them and attempted to focus on her, all I could see were tiny, blinking points of light. When I was, at last, able to see her clearly, I felt a different kind of pain tear through me: the jagged, scorching ache of longing for something lost. She was looking at me with such love and apprehension that it tore at my heart, knowing it was no one's fault but my own that I didn't have this kind of care as a constant in my life anymore. I flashed a deceptively unconcerned grin at her as I tried to blow my agony off as nothing of any importance.

"Emmett _might_ have fractured one of my ribs and bruised a couple more."

She gasped in horror, her unoccupied hand flying up to cover her mouth. I covered her delicate hand that rested on my arm with my large, rough one and squeezed gently before reaching up to capture the tear that escaped her eye with the pad of my thumb.

"It's alright, love. Dad's got me wrapped up tightly, and as long as I behave myself, I'll be back in the swing of things in a few weeks."

Something I said had made her pull away from me, a frown marring her perfect face, midway through my answer. Whatever it was, though, must have passed as her features smoothed out, and she walked over to a large black armchair. She motioned toward the matching couch as she sat down, her back ramrod straight, indicating she wished me to sit as well. I walked over and warily lowered my aching body onto the proffered seat, my eyes never leaving her now cold and expressionless face.

Her voice, however, was not so bland and flew at me in icy, clipped shards. "You said you wanted to talk, _so_ …."

In the face of the sheer ecstasy that was her obvious concern for my wellbeing, I had allowed my ire to cool by several degrees, but her cold demeanor was rekindling the fire that had blazed out of control mere moments before. I felt my blood begin to boil anew as I remembered my original purpose in rocketing over here, but I clamped a lid on my renewed rage. The last thing I needed was for Felix to bust the rest of my ribs – and probably several vital organs in the process – because I wasn't "respecting" Bella. I allowed the full force of my fury to radiate from my eyes, but kept my volume and tone moderate.

"Don't you think I had the right to know that you planned on _killing_ our child?"

Her eyes flew open as wide as they could and her jaw dropped so fast I heard the joint snap and pop. For all of two seconds, she was eerily quiet and deathly pale, and then her face contorted into a demented grimace of amusement as peals of hysterical laughter rippled from her lips. She was clutching her arms around her waist and doubling over with the force of her outburst. I flew backward on my perch, startled by her sudden movement, when she hopped up and started pacing the room with frenzied, jerky movements.

All the while, she kept up the high-pitched, nerve-shattering, maniacal giggling. She was also muttering to herself, but it was as if she were speaking to and answering _for_ another sentient individual. I couldn't understand what she was saying, but every couple of passes in front of the table that separated us, she would stop and regard me with narrowed eyes and pursed lips before resuming her aimless wandering and one-person conversation. As the minutes passed, however, it became obvious that she had progressed into arguing with whatever nebulous voice she'd been conspiring with as her voice was becoming increasingly louder.

"Rights? He doesn't _have_ any rights. No, I don't _care_ about technicalities; _fuck_ the technicalities. Yes, yes, I'm aware of the law, but now we're just talking semantics. Well, fuck you."

I wasn't sure if she was still talking to her imaginary antagonist, or if that last part was meant for me, but I wasn't left to puzzle over it for long as she came to an abrupt halt before me.

"That's right, Edward … fuck _you_, and fuck your _rights_! You don't have a _baby_; therefore, you don't have any _rights_, either."

Her moment of lucidity over, she immediately dissolved into another fit of delirious giggles and resumed her pacing as she hugged herself even tighter than before, only breaking from the storm of mirthful dementia long enough to sing a bar or two of an old Supremes song. I was genuinely torn between incomparable fear for her lack of stability and epic fucking rage over her callous epithets. I chose the latter and surged to my feet, striding around the table and grabbing her by her upper arms on her next pass by. She was staring up at me mutinously, and I fought the urge to shake her to within an inch of her life, settling, instead, for getting down in her face until our noses were practically touching and growl-shouting at her.

"You're _right_, _I_ don't have a baby; _we_ do! And it has lungs, and a heart, and a _face_." I released one of her arms to reach into my pocket to retrieve the crumpled photo I'd stuffed in there during my mad dash across town, shoving it in her face. "Did you _see_ them, Isabella? Did you even _look_ at our child before you decided to _kill_ it?"

Her body started to slacken, her eyes to soften, as she stared in naked fascination and shock at the paper hovering an inch from her face, but with my last few words, an icy fury began brewing in her eyes and she knocked my arms away. I didn't see it coming, but I felt the flat surface of her palm as it cracked against my cheek, throwing my head to the side with its forceful impact. My right ear was now ringing, but I was still able to taste the venomous poison dripping from her every word.

"How fucking _dare_ you play the righteous indignation and holier-than-fucking-thou card with _me_! _You're _the one who denied your claim to this child when you asked if I'd told the real father yet. When you accused me of fucking someone else. When you told me my 'little bastard' wasn't _your_ problem." She had been advancing on me, stabbing a pointy little finger into my chest with every indictment, until she had my back to the wall … literally. "_You_ gave up any and _all_ rights to _my_ baby when you stopped loving me and threw us away."

I was beyond pissed now – was there a level of anger above livid but below homicidal? Because I was _there_ if there _was_. She could throw every sin I'd ever committed, every hurtful word I'd ever said, back in my face, but I'd be _damned_ if I would stand here and let her falsely accuse me of something I would _never_ do. I once again grabbed her by the arms, this time spinning her and slamming her as gently as I could into the wall, her mouth dropping open into a startled little "o."

"I stand guilty – tried and convicted – on every charge you've brought against me … save _one_. I _never_ stopped loving you, and I will _never_ stop loving you _or_ our child. Do you understand?"

I needed her to know what she meant to me, to feel the depth of my conviction. Pulling her body close to mine, I wrapped my arms around her and crashed my mouth down on hers, my lips hungrily devouring her flesh. She was stiff and unyielding for a moment, but then she melted into my embrace. Her hands gripped my biceps and began drifting up to my shoulders where for one blissful second, she clung to me and pulled me closer, enchanting me with her willing touch. The spell was broken, however, when she pushed me away and another brisk crack of her hand across my cheek had my head snapping to the side.

* * *

**A/N:**

o_O?!

I can be found rambling about Twitter by following (a)artemisleaena, & I'm often loitering around Facebook...join me by friending artemisleaena(a)aol dot com. There's also an FB group devoted to my writing: groups/TempleofArtemis


	13. Journey to the Center of the Truth

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, **_Mel/mcc101180_ **& **_wmr1601_**, and to my pre-reading goddess, **_caz12771_**! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =)

* * *

**Chapter 13:  
Journey to the Center of the Truth**

**BPOV**

_~December 13, 2010~_

Edward was kissing me. Wait. _What_? Edward was _kissing _me? It didn't sound real, no matter how many times I repeated it in my head. But this wasn't a figment of my imagination. He was grabbing, holding, pressing, enveloping … _kissing_ … me!

_This isn't right! This needs to _stop_. _

My mind was practically screaming at me, but all week, I had dreamed of and longed for this, and it was _finally_ happening. My heart exploded in a joyful song so loud I could no longer hear the frantic nagging of my brain, and I allowed myself to be washed away on a sea of bliss as his lips moved urgently against mine. I brought my hands forward to grip his upper arms, feeling his sinewy strength rippling beneath my fingers – oh, how I'd _missed_ that sensation – before trailing my hands up to his shoulders.

Since I had refused to listen to its frantic pleading, my brain was now setting off random and screeching alarms to get my attention.

_It's time to get back to reality and _stop_ living in this dream world. _

I pulled him closer, giving myself the gift of one more moment to savor what I had craved before the curtains opened, and my wrath once again took center stage in this drama we were caught up in. Pushing him away from me roughly, I drew back my hand and, once again, smacked him for all I was worth. His head snapping to the side with the force of my blow wasn't nearly as satisfying to my battered mind as it should have been.

All that single act of violence had accomplished was allowing the floodgates to not only open, but to shatter, freeing a torrent of emotion to come rushing out from behind the ruins. I began hitting and slapping him in an effort to vent some of this rage steamrolling through me. His arms, hips, shoulders, and head all felt the sting of my palms over and over again. I even attacked his back as I flew around him, my hands emphasizing the words I screamed at him.

"_Stop_ fucking trying to _confuse_ me, and don't _lie_ to me! You don't treat people you love the way _you_ treated _me_. You can't call me a _whore_ and think …" a hot, gurgling liquid tried to rise up my throat, but I swallowed it down "… that an 'I love you' and a damn kiss are going to make it all better. You can't throw me the _hell away_ and expect me to still be waiting on the curb with the rest of the trash when you suddenly …." my tummy was boiling and was _not_ going to be ignored any longer. "_Oh God_," I barely squeaked out before clamping a hand over my mouth and running full-out to the commode.

Bile, hot and acidic, along with what remained of the water Alice had forced upon me, was all I had to offer to the porcelain god before which I worshipped, but I decided that it was an acceptable tribute. I had barely gotten the seat lifted and started heaving when heat began radiating to my side and gentle hands were gathering my hair at my nape. One of those hands held my tresses secure while the other one brushed tiny, errant locks away from my forehead and temple before traveling over my shoulder and down my back to rub soft, soothing circles into my straining muscles.

The hum of electricity that always accompanied Edward's touch surged through my veins, leaving nerve endings tingling with awareness, and changing the rhythm of my heartbeat to match its pulsing thrum. He didn't speak and made no attempt to engage me beyond the stroking, calming, humming, relaxing comfort he offered. My hair landed on my back a second before he moved away from me, and I briefly thought he was leaving – something I both wanted and dreaded – but he had only moved to the sink and came back moments later. He lifted my hair again, and I felt him twisting one of my scrunchies around it before a cool, damp washcloth was pressed to my forehead and his other hand resumed its ministrations on my lower back.

I don't know how long I was at it – I had no concept of time when bent over the toilet – but eventually I was down to wracking, dry, coughing spasms and slumped back against the side of the tub. Edward began gently sponging around my cheeks and mouth with the cloth, and I brought a trembling hand up to stop him, my eyes opening and locking with the worry-filled emerald depths hovering inches from me.

"Thank you," I rasped out as I took the rag from him and finished cleaning my face.

Needing a distraction from the way his body crumpled in dejection and the apprehensive concern etched into his face, I fumbled around, trying to locate the travel sized pillow I usually kept stashed in here for when I was too exhausted from vomiting, and my body hurt too bad to crawl back to my bed. Not finding it anywhere in the immediate vicinity, I leaned my head back along the tub's edge and muttered, "Fuck."

"What's wrong?"

His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper and as velvety as ever, but the suddenness of its appearance after the tranquil quiet of a moment before had me jumping and debating sticking my head back in the bowl. Instead, I groaned and lolled my head to the side so I could see him without having to lift my incredibly heavy skull.

"I can't find my pillow."

"Um … okay."

He seemed confused by my seemingly random explanation, but started glancing around anyway. When his brief search failed to produce the aforementioned pillow, he scooted over so that he was sitting beside but a foot or so away from me and reached over to grasp my shoulder, tugging me toward him. I flinched away from him, my wide, wild eyes flying up to meet his apologetic ones.

"I only want to help, Bella."

I continued to resist the gentle, but insistent, tugs on my shoulder, continuing to regard him with consternation and a healthy dose of fear. What I was frightened would happen, I didn't know, but my mind rebelled at the idea of accepting any more comfort from the enemy than I already had.

"_Please_, let me help you."

His fervent plea broke my resistance, and I reluctantly allowed him to guide my body until I was lying perpendicular to him, my head resting on his thigh and facing away from him. We stayed like this for an eternity, Edward's large, cool hand sweeping over my forehead, cheeks, and neck while his other one rubbed up and down my back from between my shoulders, where a tightness burned all the way to the small of my back where a knot of aching tension had taken up residence days before and refused to leave.

Idle though it was, I knew the fragile silence we shared wouldn't last forever, and something other than our tandem breathing would eventually decimate it. Edward's tentative voice broke into the serenity of our sanctuary with the force of a bulldozer despite its low, hushed timbre.

"Bella?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you want to have an abortion?"

I had been avoiding moving so much as an eyelid out of fear of disrupting the peacefulness that had, at long last, settled in my tummy, but with one simple question – that wasn't actually the least bit simple – the choppy waves of nausea renewed their crashing and roiling deep in my stomach.

"I can't do this alone."

I hated how small, raspy, and lost my voice sounded, knowing it had nothing to do with my raw throat and everything to do with the gaping hole that had repelled all attempts at suturing this past week. I wanted to believe that his sharply inhaled breath, and the muscles trembling under my head, meant that he had a similarly jagged wound festering in his chest, but my mind rejected this theory even as his responding whisper held more than a hint of distress and misery.

"You're _not_ alone; you won't _be_ alone."

I was loath to move, not wanting to jostle and waken the slumbering demon within, but I figured this wasn't a conversation to have while half of us were horizontal. With that thought in mind, I wearily pushed myself up and eased over until my back was leaning against the cabinet. I mirrored Edward's cross-legged position, our knees touching and our eyes semi-level, and took as deep a breath as I dared – you never knew what was going to ignite the gastrotechnics. I tried to insinuate a bit of bravado – fake or otherwise – into my tone, but I probably failed miserably.

"Why did you …" I ran my cotton dry tongue roughly over my cracked lips, trying once more to push the question out of my brain and past my lips. "Why did you …." _Fuck_, why was this so hard? Inhaling deeply, and pinning him with a chilling stare, I urgently whispered, "Just _why_?"

He pulled his knees up, his feet spread so that they rested along the outsides of my knees and his elbows were resting on the bent peaks as his fingers speared harshly into his hair. His fingers were raking over his scalp from temple to nape, repeatedly splitting his tresses into disarrayed rows, and his eyes were wary, forlorn as he visibly chose his words carefully. I barely recognized his low, dulcet tones for their hollowness.

"Short answer? I panicked."

My shoulders rose as my vertebrae aligned sharply, girding up for a "first battle shot" that never had a chance to leave the chamber of my loaded verbal gun.

"Which, I know, is no excuse, and I'm not asking to _be_ excused. Just …" his long legs dropped back into a folded position as his torso pitched forward, one softly callused hand shooting out and hanging in mid-air as if he were going to touch me before it and his eyes dropped into his lap with a fatigued sigh "… I never believed Newton."

Intense pain shot through my chest and shoulders as my lungs struggled to drag in a modicum of the sludge oxygen had become, my frame shaking violently with the effort. Little, stinging pricks of sand-grain-sized light sparkled on the peripheral of my vision, alerting that it was time to try sucking in the life sustaining gas – despite its uncharacteristic viscosity. His gaunt, shadowed, jade orbs lifted, showing the traces of alarm crinkling the edges of the tightly drawn skin surrounding them as he surveyed my breathing situation. As full-on terror at never being able to breathe again washed over me, he was suddenly kneeling before me, grasping my upper arms and shaking me minutely.

"Bella? You need to _breathe_, Bella … _breathe_."

My lungs expanded and tormented me as acute, stabbing tingles of agony ripped through them, but the black haze of unconsciousness that had attempted to steal over me faded from my sight. My brain surfaced from the briny sea of confusion it had been drowning in, treading water and barely staying afloat as it processed the meaning of the life preserver he had tossed me.

"You?" The incomplete, yet fully formed, question hung suspended in crystalline clarity between us.

Seeing I was capable of breath _and_ speech now, Edward slumped back against the clawed metal behind him, his own breathing achingly shallow and his voice weighted with lead.

"Fucked up. That's what I did."

I clamped my lips shut, stoically refusing to allow the acrid retort scorching my tongue in its bid for escape to be born. Instead, I glared bitterly and let the acrimony of my silence to reverberate throughout the room. He nodded sagely and clasped his hands tightly between his knees, his forearms resting heavily on the peaks of his legs.

"Deep down, I knew you would never touch Newton, and not just because he's a vile, putrid, sack of shit who wouldn't know what to do with a real woman with a guide book and step-by-step interactive tutorial. I _knew_ you were true, and faithful, and loyal to me, but as soon as my brain registered the word 'pregnant,' irrational terror filled me as I saw our …" he swallowed thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing heavily, and licked his lips nervously "… _my_ … future spiraling down the drain and I seized the first salvage tactic that presented itself. In that brief second, it seemed so perfect –_sensible_ even – as a means of exoneration from the envisioned prison that loomed on the horizon."

The flesh of his face seemed to slide in miniscule increments until it hung off his skull loosely, and his eyes sank into their sockets, deep purple grooves etching beneath them. I wondered if he had looked this horrific when he'd shown up here tonight, and my vision was only just now capable of appreciating it, or if he had truly withered before my beleaguered sight. My chuckle sounded brittle to my ears and felt foreign in my throat in its humorlessness.

"Every man for himself, eh?"

The muscles of his neck disappeared, leaving his head to drop and bob in a nod that exploded into a clanging din of guilt and shame and left my ears ringing. My head spun and reeled as the last of its defenses crumbled and sent me careening to the jagged rocks of truth below. I had comforted myself this past week with the incandescent hope that he didn't really believe I had cheated on him and that this baby was, in fact, his.

I had convinced myself that once I learned the truth behind his merciless soullessness that it would be the healing balm that would repair the cracks in my splintered heart. I felt bereft in the absence of that rescue that would never come, and I comprehended the cold-hearted facts of my existence: Edward considered me to be of so little value that I was easily sacrificed in his bid for self-preservation. It felt as if my skull cracked as it impacted the polished wood of the cabinet on which I leaned, and the caustic tears burning from my eyes dissolved my flesh as they cut craterous trails down my face.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Sorry I was a selfish asshole. Sorry I caused you so much agony and suffering. You needed a hero, and instead got a coward. You deserve so much better than I've ever offered you." He took a deep, ragged breath. "I'm sorry I wasn't the man you needed me to be."

I tilted my head a fraction so that I could look down along the length of my nose at him. He still sat with his head hanging limply between his knees, and all I could see was the back of his head. As I watched his shoulders rise and fall with his uneven breaths, I noticed that they trembled ever so slightly, but before I could contemplate why, a flash of something shimmery caught my attention from the corner of my eye.

My brow furrowed in concentration as I watched and waited for it to happen again. When it did, I had to bring a hand up to cover my mouth as I not only realized what it was, but the significance behind it. He wasn't making a show of it, or using it as a means of "softening me up," because, near as I could _tell_, he was doing his damnedest to _hide_ it. Regardless of his concealment efforts, and in spite of the lack of noise from it, there was no denying it: Edward was crying.

Part of me – truth be told, the greatest part – wanted to damn my pride and slide across the tiled floor to offer him solace, but I remained where I was. I had never seen Edward cry; it was voyeuristically fascinating. It was like watching the Titanic sink, the Hindenburg burn, and Troy fall to the Greeks … all at once. All were considered to be indestructible and paragons of impenetrability – much as I always thought of the man seated before me – but as they had all crumbled and fallen, so too had Edward.

I was saved from whatever humiliation my melted heart would have put me through by the three short raps on the door that swung open moments later without invitation. Edward lifted tear ravaged eyes, but showed no emotion when James carefully stepped into the room, his eyes darting between Edward and me, and his concern visibly growing by the second. He swallowed thickly and licked his lips nervously before crouching down beside me.

"Bella, honey, Alice just dropped these off for you along with your vitamins, which are in the kitchen," he intoned barely above a whisper.

He may have been speaking to me, but it was Edward's weary, emotion-scarred face his eyes remained glued to. I wondered why that was, but didn't have time to ponder it in any depth as a paper sack I hadn't noticed James carrying was shoved into my hands. I lifted a questioning gaze to my friend's face, but instead of looking at James, my eyes zeroed in on Felix standing in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest as he and Edward shared a silent, but meaningful conversation. It concluded with Edward tipping his head back to _thunk_ against the old fashion bathtub and Felix closing his eyes and sighing in displeasure as he shook his head.

We remained frozen in that awkward moment for what felt like days before, with another sigh, Felix stepped forward to pry a surprisingly pliant and stupefied James from the room, making sure to close the door with a subdued little _click_.

Still not ready to construct a funeral pyre for my stubborn pride – why should _I_ be the one to make the first concession? – I studiously ignored the living statue that was staring, unblinking, up at the ceiling across from me and busied myself with inspecting what James had given me. It was a narrow, white pharmacy bag, and stapled to it was one of those long, lined Post-it notes covered in Alice's fancy scrawl.

_Bella,_

_Here're your happy tummy pills – hopefully! =)_

_Tell my niece or nephew they need to let_

_their mama keep some food in her belly so_

_she can take proper care of them. Also,_

_I called Vicky's office & made you an appt_

_for Mon, Jan 17 at 3:00. She wants to_

_do another sonogram, so we'll stock you_

_up on water that day. I love you. Call_

_me if you need anything._

_Love,_

_Alice_

Tearing open the bag, I grabbed the little orange bottle from within, wadding up and tossing the bag and Alice's note into the little wicker trash can on the other side of the vanity. The instructions said to take one or two pills every six to eight hours as needed to prevent nausea. Figuring I hadn't felt the need to purge my stomach lining in what I'm sure was at least an hour, I took one of the little white pills out and prepared to stand and get some water. That was when I noticed the little paper cup sitting beside the toilet. Edward must have gotten it for me when he wet the washcloth for my face.

I popped the medication in my mouth, slowly sipping on my water to minimize the cramping that always took over when I first drank after vomiting, and hoped Alice's moniker of "happy tummy pills" was spot-on. I reclined back against the cabinet and noted that, while I'd been otherwise occupied, Edward had shifted positions. Not greatly, but definitely dramatically. He was sitting pretty much exactly as he had been before, his elbows still rested on his bent knees, his back against the basin, but his hands were no longer entwined and hanging between them. They were, instead, clutching the same piece of glossy paper he had wielded like a weapon at me earlier and were pressed tightly to his forward tipped forehead, and ill-concealed, wheezing sobs cranked out a steady stream of saline to drip unchecked off his chiseled jaw.

As I watched him lose himself in his anguished headspace, I was suddenly struck by epiphanous wonderment and gasped at the seizure of incredulity that rocketed through me, the sound drawing his attention. Ever so slowly, as if it pained him greatly to do so, he raised his head and leveled those sallow, lifeless emeralds that once sparkled with a life of their own to me. Feeble and hoarse though I was, there was still a fair amount of strength behind what I could no longer retain in my head and needed to put into the universe.

"You … you _want_ this baby! _Don't_ you?"

"I …" He trailed off, his head tilting marginally to one side as he regarded me in open speculation for a moment. Having found whatever answer he'd been seeking in my countenance, he breathed deeply and stated flatly, "I want you to be happy." He swallowed thickly and convulsively several times. "What_ever_ it takes to make that happen." His faux detachment fell by the wayside as his voice cracked on the last few words, choking him.

His words set off a fluttering in my chest that filled me with warmth so pervasive, I could feel it radiating out of my fingertips. It was the unspoken, "Even if that means removing every trace of my existence from your life," however, that resounded like thunder through a cavernous valley within my head and sickened my heart.

It rankled, pinched, compressed, and caged me, this need to make sure he was sheltered from the storm threatening to sweep him away, but it was a needling compulsion permanently tattooed on my soul. I knew what I had to do, but even that conviction couldn't lend any strength to my vocal chords or give me solid direction in _how_ to do it. In the end, the simple, direct approach seemed the best and most logical way to go.

Maintaining eye contact with him, I crawled over and knelt beside him, facing the opposite direction to him and resting back on my ankles, so that our thighs touched. I reached up and pried the paper from his hands, severing our visual connection as I glanced down at the fuzzy, barely discernible image of our child, seeing it clearly for the first time.

"Why did you avoid my left side and my chest when you were hitting me?"

My eyes, wide with the fear of his apparent discovery of what I had worked so hard to hide from him, shot to his.

"You still love me." There was no hesitation or doubt in his tone, only confidence and knowledge.

Both my shoulders and my head drooped, breaking our gaze. As much as I wanted to throw myself against him and wrap myself around him and the truth of this calmly murmured fact, I just … couldn't. My hardened, jaded brain wouldn't allow me to become a prisoner of my desire. It was on the tip of my tongue to lie and deny his claim, but even my cynical mind wouldn't consent to such blaspheme and was, for once, willing to concede a bit of our pride if it would help extinguish the wild fire raging within.

"Yes."

He sucked in a shocked breath, wincing at the burning pain it must have caused him, and made to swivel around. I looked up into the first genuine smile I'd seen on him all week, his mouth poised to speak, and I rushed to qualify my answer before he got too far into whatever thoughts had bloomed to life within his head.

"But I can't be with you."

The Challenger exploding was less dramatic than watching what that one sentence did to Edward, and that overwhelming need to keep him from imploding had me laying a hand on top of his to draw his attention.

"For now, Edward; I can't be with you for _now_. There's just so –" I broke off on a chokingly dry sob, prompting Edward to flip and squeeze my hand.

"Hey …" he made little shushing noises "… it's okay, Bella." He flicked his eyes from mine down to our linked hands and back again as if asking if it was alright that he was holding my hand. When I didn't recoil or reply in the negative, he sighed deeply and entwined our fingers. "I know I … well … I guess there's no polite way to say it … I fucked up."

I wasn't going to argue there.

"I know I can't 'fix' this …" he waved his finger between us "… with an apology."

"I don't know if this _can_ be fixed, Edward. I mean …." I licked my lips and tried to keep the bitterness from my tone and hoped that if I couldn't do that, that I'd at least be able to say what I needed to before my throat closed up on me. "You didn't just break me, you _… _I don't even _know_." I shook my head and moved so that I could grab his other hand. It was hard, but I knew I needed to look him in the eye for what I had to say. "I love you, Edward, but I no longer trust in you. You took that from me, and I don't know how to get it back."

"I don't know either, but I want to." He brought our linked hands up to his lips and kissed both of mine, his eyes burning into mine as he hugged our hands to his chest and whispered fervently, "I miss you _so much_, I …" he floundered and choked on his words for a moment "… I find it hard to breathe without the other half of my soul."

I nodded in understanding. I knew exactly what he meant, and let him keep his firm hold on my hands, his thumbs caressing the delicate, thin skin on top. This was what we did best, this deeply bonded connection, and I wished like hell we could get back to a place where it didn't feel "wrong" to enjoy it, but that was going to take time … a lot of time.

"I miss you too. But I need time."

He nodded again and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth for a moment.

"I can understand that, but can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Can I be there for you? For the _baby_?"

* * *

**A/N:**

Soooo...will she? Won't she? What do you think? =P

Due to Christmas & New Year's (which, those of you who've been with me since the beginning know I don't update during), TCWM will not update again until January 9, 2013. At that point, we will resume regular 2 week posting schedule...unless I get a writing burst & get far enough ahead of the story to start posting weekly. Thank you for being one of the best parts of 2012 for me...I can't express my gratitude for you guys enough! Have a happy, safe, wonderfully Merry Christmas & New Year, & I'll see you in 2013! =D


	14. The Greatest of Three

Oodles of thanks & love to my Beta Extraordinaire, _**wmr1601, **_& my pre-reading Goddess, _**caz12771**_! 3 You guys! =)

Happy New Year! Now...back to our story! When last we left Edward & Bella:

_I nodded in understanding. I knew exactly what he meant, and let him keep his firm hold on my hands, his thumbs caressing the delicate, thin skin on top. This was what we did best, this deeply bonded connection, and I wished like hell we could get back to a place where it didn't feel "wrong" to enjoy it, but that was going to take time … a lot of time._

_"I miss you too. But I need time."_

_He nodded again and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth for a moment._

_"I can understand that, but can I ask you something?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Can I be there for you? For the baby?"_

* * *

**Chapter 14:  
The Greatest of Three**

**EPOV**

_~December 13, 2010~_

The deafening silence, punctured only by rasping seizing breaths on both our parts, stretched out between us, its talons piercing my ear drums and shredding what was left of my heart. With each second that ticked by like mile markers on the longest highway in the world, her breathing hitched more, the velvety brown of her irises disappeared faster, and any hope I was harboring of things finally fucking going my way slipped farther away. Time has no meaning in a black hole, however, and I didn't know how long we'd sat thusly before she pulled one of her hands free of my grasp, the emptiness left in its place swallowing me whole, and began rubbing at her eyes, forehead, and temples in agitation.

"Edward, I …" She trailed off on a questioning sigh as she continued to attack her face with rough scrapes and gouges of her fingers. Suddenly, her hand dropped into her lap, and after taking a deep breath, her gaze returned to mine. "I don't know."

All the textbooks I'd ever read stated that life wasn't possible once your heart stopped beating, but the fact that I was sitting here, raggedly drawing air into my lungs long after mine had died, surely proved that long-held belief was a fallacy. I knew I was still alive because death wouldn't hurt this much. I gently released the hand I'd still been holding and scooted back several inches, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them protectively. I felt like a lost little boy hiding from the world, and I sounded like one, too.

"So you still plan on going through with the abortion."

"I …" Panic streaked across her face, and her pupils danced frenziedly in her head as she struggled to put thought to word. "I just don't see any other way, but …" she slumped over as all traces of fight abandoned her. Her legs slid to the side as she turned her shoulder into the wall to support her sagging body, and her voice acting as the final white flag of defeat "… I couldn't get one even if I still wanted to."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't …" I shook my head "… I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"I won't be emancipated in time." Her tone was empty, hollow, but it couldn't hide the haunted shadows etched beneath her eyes or the trembling of her lips, all of which screamed on behalf of the razors tearing through her. I recognized that gaunt look for what it was all too well as I'd seen it every time I looked in the mirror this past week.

"You said 'if' you still wanted. Does that mean that even if you _were_ emancipated in time, you would no longer go through with it?"

She only broke our eye contact long enough to squeeze out the ocean of tears gathering on the rims of her lower lashes. Our connection was severed for just a fraction of a moment – more like a lifetime to my soul – but when earth once again fused with forest, a tiny spark of something I dared not name had returned to her depths.

"No, I wouldn't." She took a deep breath, faltering on a choking sob halfway through it. "But I _can't_ do this alone."

I let go of my legs, inching my way back over, tentatively pulling her to me. The more I pulled, the less she fought, and before long, she sat nestled within the enclosure of my arms and on my lap as my back rested against the wall. My chest felt close to bursting with the euphoric hope springing to life within me; this was the closest she had allowed us to be in well over a week, and I was cautiously overjoyed. My one hand held her firmly to me by her waist while the other unhurriedly swept up and down the length of her arm, attempting to urge some of the stiffness from her body.

"I know your faith in me is nonexistent right now, Bella. I _also know_ …" I jumped in to forestall whatever caustic remark was about to be unleashed from her downturned lips "… that's a circumstance entirely of my own creation."

She nodded in agreement and settled her head fully into the crook of my neck, finally accepting a little bit of what I was offering her.

"You have no cause to believe me and every reason to revile me, and I haven't any right to ask for your faith and trust, but I'm going to anyway." I stopped fighting the quaver threatening to invade my voice, allowing all of my torment, hope, sorrow, and desire to flow into my plea. "Please believe that you are _not_ alone in this." I moved my hand from her hip to her lower abdomen, feeling the muscles beneath my fingers bunch and recoil in protest even as the rest of her body melted farther into mine.

We were both vibrating from the force of the sobs that shook her slight frame, and her voice caught on invisible brambles, tearing harshly from her. "I don't know how to be …" she waved a tiny, frantic hand around to encompass us "… _here_."

"I know, baby." The compulsion to look at her drove my palms to cover her soggy cheeks, tilting her head up. "I don't have a clue either, but …" I dipped down to brush my lips against hers "… we'll figure it out together."

I lightly kissed her again, a soft whisper of a moan escaping her. Hearing it, and not sensing any resistance from her, I took her pliant bottom lip into my mouth, sucking gently. Her hands immediately came up to grip the back of my neck, her fingers raking through the short hairs at my nape as my top lip was consumed by her. My hands slid around her, one set of digits traveling up to spear into her hair, the other splaying out and applying pressure between her shoulder blades, melding our chests together. I sought entrance into her warm passage and was rewarded with the languid caressing of her tongue against mine, the ambrosia of her flavor, the comforting familiarity of "home."

"Edward, stop," she panted out as she ripped her lips away, resting her forehead against mine as her heart thumped out an echoing reply to my heart's erratic call. "We … time … please."

I licked my lips, savoring the taste that lingered there, and nodded without opening my eyes or losing our skin-on-skin contact. "I-I … I know," I stammered breathlessly and swallowed convulsively. "I need to atone for my callous behavior, earn back your trust …" I opened my eyes to find her staring steadily at me "… show you I can be a man that's _worthy_ of your love."

Her fingers came around to trace the dark bruises still outlining my eyes, over the fading marks on my jaw, to the healing gash where my lip had been split, her eyes following in their wake as if she were committing each blemish to memory. Content in my little corner of heaven, I silently watched, waiting for her exploration to reach its end but praying it never would; I needed her touch to survive, even more than I needed food. When her chocolate orbs settled on my lips, I reflexively ran my tongue over them in preparation for the fleeting, chaste kiss I had dared to hope she would bless me with, not disappointed in the least when it was but a ghost of movement once it came.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Bella?"

She sat up straighter in my lap, clearing her throat and infusing more strength into her voice. "Yes, Edward, you can be there for us."

"Oh, thank God." I was so relieved, ecstatic, elated, and every other word that could or would describe this feeling of winged lightness coursing through me. I gathered her tightly to me, hugging her body fiercely, and while she wasn't exactly fighting for her freedom from my embrace, she wasn't returning it either. "Thank you, baby," I murmured as I nuzzled the top of her head.

"You have to stop that." Her stiffened posture and authoritative words, as well as my bewilderment at what had brought them on, caused me to loosen my hold enough for her to turn and pin me with a hardened look. "This doesn't mean we're back together, Edward. You can't still use all those cute little pet names you have for me."

_Oh_! I thought, somewhat dejected, as understanding of her new demeanor dawned. My arms dropped from around her, one hand coming forward to grasp one of hers, my gaze locked on to our entwined fingers. I didn't want to fuck this – whatever _this_ was – up by pressing my case too hard, and I fully respected and comprehended her needs at the moment, but she needed to realize where my heart stood in all of this.

"Bella, I know you need time, and I can give you that. It really is the least of which I owe you." I continued to stare at my hand as my thumb ran circuits over and around her palm, finally looking up at her after several minutes. "If you need us to just be friends for now, I'll do it. If all you need from me is money to support you and the baby …" I clenched my lids shut, reopening them seconds later "… it'll kill me to do it, but I will."

"Thank you, Edward."

I captured the hand she laid upon my cheek, pressing it farther into my needy flesh. "You need to know, though, that I love you. I never stopped loving you, and I never will," I vehemently declared. "I'll be whatever you need, whenever you need it. Will do anything you ask of me … _except_ stop loving you." My lips covered and moved fiercely, possessively over hers without any hesitation over her previous rebuke. I reluctantly pulled away after several long, heady moments. "Please don't ever ask that of me."

"That's not what I want from–"

"Good, because it can't be done."

She wiggled the hand trapped against my heated cheek until it was free and placed a slender finger over my lips.

"Shush." The stern glare she was attempting to affect was ruined by the hint of a smile playing at the edge of her lips. "I love you, too, but …" she pressed more firmly against my twitching lips, cutting me off before I could interrupt, her tone turning serious "… what you stole from me can't just be given back. Faith, trust, and respect have to be rebuilt from the ground up once they've been destroyed."

After she snuggled back into the crook of my neck, we just sat, both of us lost in our respective thoughts. I prayed she had felt my sincerity a few moments before, because I meant every word I'd said. If what she needed to feel safe and secure in our relationship again was for us to go back to square one and start over, I'd do it. Some part of me – an admittedly miniscule part, but loud and demanding nonetheless – was afraid, however, that my selfish, asshole stupidity may have irreparably damaged the very foundation of our bond. If that was the case, love alone would never be enough, and I wasn't sure I could survive meaning nothing more to her than a means of monetary support for our child. I needed to know.

"Bella?"

"Hm?" she mumbled sleepily, on the verge of passing out.

"There's still hope for us … isn't there?"

Her elongated silence wasn't the slightest bit encouraging, but she finally put me out of my misery when she lifted our clasped hands and laid them gently on her stomach as she whispered, "There has to be."

It wasn't exactly the overwhelming confirmation my fluttering heart thought it needed, but the fact that she wasn't ready to give up yet was good enough … for now. I adjusted us so my legs were straighter and better able to support her as she draped over me, snoring softly. My lids begged to close and join her in slumber, but my heart, mind, and body refused to squander this opportunity to hold my love, my life, the other half that completed my soul.

A long while later, but still far too soon, the bathroom door opened with a muted squeak, and James crept in, crouching down beside us. His eyes lovingly scanned over my beauty's sleeping form, and he tenderly ran a hand over her head and down her back before turning to me and speaking quietly.

"I guess since she didn't kill you, this means you two have reconciled?"

It hurt to have to admit it, but it wasn't like I could lie and get away with it. "No," I choked out, but I couldn't stop my smirk – no matter how I ached – at his understandably baffled expression as he again raked his eyes over the scene before him. "We've just agreed that, although we're still very much in love with each other, I'm the king of all dickheads for having hurt her, and I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"I'm sorry," he quipped when all I did was stare at him, "were you waiting for me to disagree with any of that?"

"No." I sighed wryly.

"So, uh …" he rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish expression stealing over his features "… what about the baby?"

I closed my eyes, allowing my head to drop back against the wall smartly. "We'll figure it out as we go, I guess." I lifted my head, seeking his gaze again. "In the meantime, she's agreed to let me be there for her and Sweet Pea." My bark of laughter at his quirked eyebrow and sardonic half grin disturbed Bella, but she settled back down quickly, and I tempered my amusement. "I got tired of referring to the baby as 'it,' so I named him or her Sweet Pea," I answered his silent question around a chuckle.

His laugh was quiet and raspy, but his smile was genuine. "I like it. It doesn't really follow your family's quirky traditions, but as good a placeholder name as any." He looked us over again, more serious this time. "You need any help with her?"

As much as my inner macho-man wanted to decline, my left ass cheek had been numbly tingling for the last fifteen minutes, and I gratefully accepted his assistance. I stretched and popped my back once he'd lifted Bella off me so I could stand. I took her back in my arms and went to place her in bed while James took care of the soiled washcloth and paper cup, turning the light off as he exited the bathroom. After tucking Bella beneath her blankets and leaving a lingering kiss on her cool forehead, I followed the blond man out into the living room where Felix sat on the couch flipping channels.

"She asleep?" The big man's eyes flashed to mine, concern and worry carving massive grooves around his mouth and eyes.

"Yeah … um … I'm just gonna head out."

They nodded and waved me off as James lay down on the sofa with his head in Felix's lap. I quietly latched the door behind me and made my way down to my car. Unlike on my mad rush over there earlier tonight, all traffic and safety laws were obeyed on my return trip home. There had been a small sliver of hope that, given it was almost midnight, my folks wouldn't still be up, but it was dashed as I pulled into the garage and noted that all the downstairs lights were still on.

Figuring there was no use avoiding the inevitable, I headed directly to the family room upon entering the house. Mom and Dad were practically comatose sitting on the couch as one of those late-night talk shows played softly in the background.

"I'm home," I announced unenthusiastically.

They both spluttered and struggled to wake up, my dad finding his voice first. "So …" he cleared his throat of sleep "… how's she doing?"

I went over and flopped down beside my mother, expecting her to flinch away from me. You could've knocked me over with a feather, however, when she wrapped her arm around me, pulling my head down to her shoulder, and ran her fingers through my hair just like she did when I was younger. It was what finally broke me, and I turned to her with a sob, throwing my arms around her neck because – pathetic as it may've sounded – I really needed my mommy in that moment.

"Shh, darling," she cooed and comforted, running her hand up and down my back while her other still stroked my hair. "I know this is a lot to deal with; far more than most boys your age have to." She rocked us back and forth a few more minutes before she pulled my head away, her warm palms covering my cheeks as her thumbs wiped away my tears. "Did you talk?"

I sat back as I started to dash the last of my tears away with my sleeve only to be stopped by my father clearing his throat suggestively and wiggling a box of tissues in my face. Embarrassed that I had broken down so childishly in front of my sire, I ducked my head and murmured my thanks without meeting his eyes. Once I was cleaned up, I put on a brave face to receive the disappointed repugnance he surely held for his wuss of a son, but I was only met with sympathy, love, and a bit of curiosity when our gazes locked.

Finally remembering Mom's question, I grinned self-consciously. "Yeah, after she finished beating on me …" both adults chuckled "… yelling at me, and throwing up, we talked … sort of."

"Sort of?" Carlisle asked.

Esme glanced between the two of us, as equally perplexed as her husband was, but addressed me. "What does that mean, sweetie?"

I sighed, partly in exhaustion and the rest in exasperation. "Honestly? I have no idea."

"But surely the two of you resolved _something_." She leaned around Dad to peek at the clock on the mantle. "You were gone for close to seven hours. I mean, how could you be gone that long and not know anything at all? It just doesn't seem possible," she finished incredulously.

"Es, honey, let the boy answer." He patted her leg and waved at me. "Go on, son."

I flashed him a grateful smile, but it turned sour, pulling the corners of my mouth down into a grimace as I thought about just how little had actually been settled tonight. "I guess the only thing we've really decided on is that we don't have a clue what we're doing."

I filled them in a bit more on what Bella and I had discussed, hoping they could give me some advice, but all they had to offer me was, "Be patient, son," and, "She still loves you, my sweet boy, so just have faith." Not exactly the help and guidance I was looking for, but there really wasn't much anyone could do for me at this point. I would just have to content myself in the knowledge that Bella loved me, and she was willing to give me a chance to redeem myself. It was more than I deserved, and if I ever forgot it again, I'd gladly accept a thousand beatings because it _still_ wouldn't be even a fraction of the pain and suffering I'd inflicted on my angel.

* * *

**A/N:**

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:13 [NIV] So!? Thoughts? Concerns? Random emotional outbursts!? =D

A few things I'm up to in the near future...or currently up to: Voting for the Holly Jolly Holiday Contest (I'm a judge/admin) is open until 11:59pm US EST 1/13/13 (link is on my profile page); I'm going to be entering the Heart of Country Contest ( theheartofcountrycontest . weebly index . html), so be keeping an eye out for that one; I'm participating in the Countdown to V-Day (link will be on my profile as soon as it's available); I'm going to be expanding my FAGE5 O/S I'd Snow You Anywhere very soon, although I don't have a title for it yet lol; & I'm contemplating jumping into the Drabble Wars in one of the upcoming months with a deliciously sexy & funny plot bunny that just attacked me the other night! I've also got a few other plot bunnies I'll be working on...so keep your eyes on me, my kittehs, cuz there's going to be lots coming from me in 2013! =D


	15. What Lies We Weave

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary betas, **_Mel/mcc101180_ **& **_wmr1601_**, and to my pre-reading goddess, **_caz12771_**! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =)

* * *

**Chapter 15:  
What Lies We Weave**

**BPOV**

_~December 14, 2010~_

I awoke with a searing pain ripping its way across my lower abdomen, the muscles there clenching and twisting in reaction to the sensation and hot, bilious nausea bubbling up like magma from a volcano. A lamp was sent crashing to the ground when my desperate flight to the bathroom had me staggering into my dresser, and I'd be highly surprised if a doorknob shaped dent wasn't punched in the wall from where I flung the door open in my haste to make it to the toilet.

The sound of feet thundering through the house barely registered with me as I gasped, wheezed, heaved, and tried to hurl various internal organs into the bowl before me. I was able, however, to clearly hear the sound of the faucet running over my unproductive gagging when those feet made their way into the room. Seconds later, I felt someone kneel beside me, and a cold washcloth was pressed to my sweaty brow. Someone else had moved behind me and was pulling my hair back into a hair tie as the first person slowly rubbed deep circles into my lower back.

Every inch of me was straining to make something, anything, come up, but the fact of the matter was, except for the dibble of water I'd had with my anti-nausea medicine, I hadn't eaten anything in too long. There was nothing in me to be brought up. I slumped against the toilet, my arms crossing over the hole in the seat, and laid my head on them so I could look through teary eyes at the blond blur beside me. That knifing pain was still slicing through my stomach, and I whimpered and twitched every time it spiked in my gut.

"My tummy hurts," I whine-grumbled as the James blob reached up to smooth some wayward hairs away from my face.

"I know, BabyBel." He leaned forward and kissed my elbow. "You want me to heat you up some supper?"

Just the thought of food was enough to make both my head and stomach spin. I squeezed my eyes shut and minutely shook my head without lifting it.

"Jaime, sweetheart," Felix intoned solemnly from behind me, "Perhaps just some broth would be better for her stomach."

"Right. I'll be right back, Bella honey." With that, he got up, leaving me alone with Felix. The larger man crouched down beside me to take James' place as my back massager.

"He's going to make a great mother one day," I rasped with a smirk.

"That's the plan … someday." We sat in simple silence until, after a few minutes, he quietly asked, "Do you feel like moving back to your bed now?"

My bed sounded heavenly, all warm and soft, but when my stomach again gurgled with the need to expel its nonexistent contents, and that fucking laser of agony lanced through my belly again, I shook my head vehemently. "I don't want to go far," I croaked out. We were again silent, but then I remembered something from earlier – something very important. "Felix?"

"Yeah, honey?"

"Where's my bathroom pillow?"

Alright, so the idea of having a pillow specifically for a room in which you shit _was_ funny, but he didn't have to chuckle so damn heartily about it. He could barely maintain the soothing rhythm he'd established on my back for all his guffawing.

"I think Jaime put it in the wash. I'll go get it for you."

He pushed himself up and kissed the back of my head before heading out to get the one thing that brought me comfort when I was trapped in here. Unfortunately, it was well after midnight, and Felix had work in the morning that he couldn't miss, so he bid James and me goodnight after making sure I had my steaming mug of blandness, another happy-tummy pill – they were so _not_ living up to that moniker – and my precious pillow.

I didn't know how long we sat there – well, James sat; I sprawled out on the floor – before my curiosity finally got the better of me. I'd been struggling to remember how and when I'd gone to bed, and nothing was coming to me. My last conscious memory having been of curling up on Edward's chest and wishing I could live there forever.

"How did I get to bed, Jaime?"

Even though his hand stroking up and down my spine never faltered, his voice wasn't quite so steady. "Edward carried you."

"Oh …" my mental eyebrows were raised so high they were hovering somewhere above my head "… um … did you guys … uh … s-say anything t-to each other?"

"We talked," he finally answered without inflection after what felt like a millennia of waiting.

"Oh God," I groaned as I shifted enough to look back at where he was reclined against the wall, my head by his stretched-out legs, and he was grinning unabashedly down at me.

"He's alive and well, mama bear, and as you can plainly see, I am still the personification of physical perfection."

I snorted and then furrowed my brow in consternation. There was something he was leaving out. "You didn't argue?"

"No." He sighed deeply. "We didn't argue, fight, or otherwise clash." Little worry lines worked their way across his forehead as his mouth turned down. "I asked if the two of you had reconciled …" against my will, every muscle in my body clenched in anticipation of what Edward had said "… and he said you hadn't."

It wasn't that I thought Edward hadn't heard, listened to, or understood me when I'd told him what I needed, but a part of me worried he would respond more to my actions and perceived wants rather than my words. I wouldn't have been able to blame him if he _had_. After all, I told him I couldn't be with him then let him kiss me – more than once. I told him I needed time and space then curled up on and clung to him as if my life depended on it. It was bad enough that I had to endure the constant battle between what my head demanded was best for me and what my heart cried out in desperation for. I didn't want Edward to become a casualty of my dementia.

"He's still very much in love with you."

I rolled back onto my side, as if no longer being able to see James' emotion-softened face would allow me to hide from his reverentially spoken truth, or the pang of longing it sent galloping through my heart. "I still love him, too … so much it hurts," I whispered forlornly.

He increased the pressure of his hand on my back by way of response to my small yet significant declaration. "He loves the baby, too. He's named it, you know." He couldn't see my wide-eyed expression of shock, but he chuckled at my telling silence. "Yep, said it felt weird to call the baby 'it,' so he named it Sweet Pea."

Sweet Pea? Involuntarily, my hands drifted down to cover my quivering and churning stomach, and the corners of my lips twitched with the idiotic smile that wanted to spread over them. I could tell from the way the thought of me having an abortion had torn into him that Edward was already in love with the idea of our child, but I had no idea he was in love with the baby itself. It boggled my mind.

Here I was, only twelve or so hours into even being able to say or think the word "baby," and Edward was so accepting of this life that he'd given it a name. Neither my head nor heart knew quite how to respond to that major revelation. My stomach, however, knew _exactly_ what it wanted to say, and I got the head rush of my life sitting up fast enough for said opinion to be put in the proper receptacle.

Turns out my tummy was quite the loquacious little fucker, making sure I knew all its secrets by the time Felix came in at seven to rouse me and James from our impromptu slumber party. We groggily pried ourselves off the bathroom floor to get ready for school, and I didn't have it in me to protest when he insisted on driving again.

_~December 21, 2010~_

Over the course of the next week, Edward and I fell into a sort of routine that felt secure, comforting, and fulfilling while at the same time perfunctory, disheartening, and incomplete. He would greet me in the parking lot when James and I arrived and would ask how my night had been, how I was feeling, and was there anything I needed. After I assured him my night sucked, but I was fine, and no, there was nothing I was in need of at that moment – nothing my brain would willingly allow me to admit to at any rate – he wouldn't attempt contact with me again until lunch. That is, _if_ I made it to lunch in the first place.

Far from making me feel better, it seemed to me that the prescription Dr. Siddons had given me for my nausea was amplifying that aspect of my pregnancy and bringing severe pain along with it. Alice said it wasn't possible, though, so I kept my suspicions to myself. This usually meant I was up half the night or more puking my guts out – or wishing I wasn't "empty" so that I could – leaving me tired and listless in the mornings. It was why James had been insisting he drive us to school, but it also meant that I was missing more classes, as well as the occasional lunch, to pay my respects to the public commodes.

On the days when I _would_ make it to the cafeteria, Edward would be waiting for me near the entrance and would again question my needs. He would always ask if I felt like trying some food – he was concerned that I wasn't even able to keep down the broth and saltines I'd previously been successful with – but would fetch me a bottle of water or heat up my travel mug of clarified chicken stock when I refused further sustenance.

Sometimes he would punctuate these tasks with brief touches to my hands, arms, and forehead, but they never lingered and seemed to be more as a means of checking my overall health than because he simply needed physical contact with me. Always, though, once he'd "checked in" with me, he would saunter over to his usual table, laughing and eating with his friends – and Jessica fucking Stanley. Bitch never failed to turn and sneer at me in triumph when Edward would take a seat next to her.

We would repeat the "Bella checklist" once more at the end of the school day, and then go our separate ways. Edward was steadfastly sticking to my "back to square one" mandate, only without all the flirting and lustful tension that was so much a part of our beginning. He was endearing in his willingness to comply, tedious in his ambiguity, and heartfelt in his desire to ensure mine and Sweet Pea's safety and wellbeing. But mostly, he was just really annoying the fucking shit out of me.

My heart and soul argued that if I didn't like it, I should change it, but my brain – never one to be intimated by the two-against-one scenario it often found itself in – was quite pleased that Edward wasn't making things harder on us than they needed to be. I still wasn't sure whose side I wanted to take in that particular battle, so I just stayed out of it.

Today, however, was the last school day before Christmas break, and I was looking forward to ten blissful days away from the mediocrity. I'd already spent the better part of the last two classes bowing before the porcelain god in the ladies' room but felt an urgent need to go and pray some more. When I rounded the corner on my way to the lunchroom, though, I caught an eyeful of my worst fucking nightmare – one of them, anyway – come to life and would've needed to puke if that weren't already my primary goal.

Standing in front of her locker, putting her books away, was Jessica … with Edward draped all over her. Alright, so he just had his arm slung around her shoulders, but he was leaning down close to her ear, and whatever he was whispering in it was making her simper, giggle, and grin like she'd just won the fucking lottery. I stood there, listening to my soul thrash about in the throes of death, as he squeezed her shoulder, pulling her closer for a fraction of a second, and calling out that he'd see her after school as he walked away.

They never saw me, never knew I'd seen their tender moment. I whirled and ran as fast as I could back in the direction I'd just come from, ending up running headlong into Alice and knocking us both to the ground. In a flurry of flailing limbs worthy of any eighties Saturday morning cartoon character, I scrambled to my feet without any explanation. My only concern was to get to the toilet _before_ the bile rocketing up my throat like a fucking bullet hit the air. The heavy door to the lavatory was shoved violently into the wall, the impact echoing off the salmon colored tiles, as I made a beeline for the back stall and skidded to my knees as bitter, acid-tainted vomit spewed forth into the shallow toilet water.

I hadn't bothered to shut or lock the stall door in my haste to expel my stomach lining, but Alice took care to do both before sliding to the cool floor beside me, pulling my hair back. What would have been a sincere, if not pitiful, moan of thanks was cut off by the sound of the main door being thrown open.

"I still don't see how you're going to get Cullen to agree, Jess."

"Did you not _see_ him a few minutes ago? He was practically groping me. Trust me, my plan is solid."

"Not now that he's back with his little whore, it isn't. And here I'd thought for _sure_ he'd finally tired of her fat, goody-goody ass."

"They're not together, Laur. Gimme one of those … thanks."

The distinct sound of a metal flint being struck as one of the two girls flicked a lighter to life filled the room mere seconds before the acrid stench of tobacco smoke did. Fan-fucking-tastic! Not only was I now trapped in here with Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, inhaling their damn second-hand cancer air and probably killing half my baby's developing brain cells in the process, but I had to swallow back my rising vomit for fear of being discovered. A motion out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I turned to see Alice messing with her phone, holding it down low to her hip. She was probably texting Rose and/or James to apprise them of my latest puke-fest. They seemed to like to be kept abreast of them for some reason.

"Besides, he didn't get bored," Jess said with a sneer after exhaling loudly. "He booted her skank-ass to the side when he found out she was fucking Newton."

"_No way_! I'd heard she was fucking _Black_ over on the Rez, that they'd even been caught making out on the side of a road, but she also fucked _Newton_?"

I rolled my eyes at her incredulous fascination. Some people were so fucking small and narrow-minded that the concept of two people of the opposite sex being extremely close friends without any fucking being involved was beyond their scope of understanding. A persistent little voice nagged at me that I was being a hypocrite for my outrage considering I had never given Edward and Jess' friendship the benefit of the doubt. Of course, rationale kicked in at that point to remind me that Jess had never hidden the fact that she lusted after Edward's dick, so I was totally justified in my judgmental hatred.

"Well …" insipid bitch number one giggled "… no. But Cullen _thinks_ she did."

"And why would he think that? Mike's a foul little cretin who smells worse than a sewer."

I was surprised – and a little impressed – that "Mondo-tits Mallory," as Emmett often referred to her, knew the word "cretin" and had used it correctly.

"Maybe because someone – who was only looking out for Cullen's best … um … _interests_? – gave Newton a blowjob so that he would tell Edward that he'd been fucking that skeazy bitch?"

"Oh, I'll just _bet _you were looking out for his interests – his multi-_million _interests." Both girls erupted into boisterous laughter. "You're so _bad,_ Jessica; I _love_ it!"

Another long drag was taken by one of the two, the crackling of burning paper loud in the sudden silence after their chortles died down, and was expelled with equal length. "Oh, and you haven't even heard the _best part_, Laur. It seems little Miss Innocent went and got herself knocked up!"

There was a sharp gasp, coupled with an evil giggle. "Oh, if that were true, it would just be _priceless_. Maybe that would knock Miss High-and-Mighty down a peg or two."

"It's definitely true. I overheard that queer, Hunter, talking about it to his fag-hag, Edward's sister, and the Hale bitch the other day. They actually feel _sorry_ for the little cunt!"

I could handle being called every vile and repulsive name there was – I'd pretty much lived with it my entire life – but no fucking _way_ was I going to sit here and let those overused _twats_ insult my friends. I made to rise and go puke on the bitches, but Alice tugging on my arm and frantically shaking her head while imploring me with her wide, plaintive eyes, kept me rooted to the spot. Fucking cum guzzlers were lucky she'd held me back, otherwise they'd both be snatched bald by now.

"And to _think_, I was going to _skip_ today." Lauren's maniacal laughter grated on the last non-shredded nerve I had left. "School just got a lot more fucking interesting."

"Mmhmm!" Cackling like hyenas, they left the bathroom after tossing their ciggy butts in the toilet of one of the other stalls.

I wanted to say something snarky and sarcastic, something that captured the heinousness of what we'd been forced to endure, but I never got the chance. As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, the vomit I'd been forced to hold back this entire time refused to be retained any longer, and I barely stuck my head back in the toilet in time for it not to splatter all over the two of us.

Alice started rubbing my back and making comforting little shushing noises, probably trying to soothe both my ire and my screaming muscles. I had to wonder if her ministrations were more for my benefit or _hers_ as she angrily tapped something out on her touch screen phone. I felt her tiny body shaking beside me and knew that if I looked up, I'd see murderous rage written all over her face. Like me, she took insults to herself quite well, but she'd fuck a bitch up if they messed with her friends or family. Alice Cullen was small, but she was vicious.

I was finally able to breathe again without fear of retching and reached for some toilet paper to wipe away the tears and drool coating my face so I could rasp out, "I know what you're thinking, Alice, but they're petty, jealous jackasses, and they can't hurt me any more than I already am."

"This doesn't hurt just you, Bella. You're family, and when you mess with one of us, you mess with _all_ of us. That fucking bitch is going to learn what it means to mess with a Cullen!"

"Ali, while I appreciate the sentiment …" and I did, to the point of wanting to hug the shit out of her, but fear of sudden movements put the kibosh on that desire "… I feel the need to point out an obvious glitch in your mafia-esque vendetta logic."

"What's that, sweetie?"

Deep breath … okay, not too deep, I didn't want to hurl again. "I'm not a Cullen," I whispered, afraid that if I said it any louder it would rip a bigger hole in my chest than it had when still floating in my head.

She gave me a sad, sappy smile and cupped one hand on my cheek while leaning forward to kiss my sweaty temple. The hand that was on my cheek dropped to gently settle on my stomach. Alice leaned back and gave me that same watery smile of a second or two ago. "Oh, but you _are_, Bella, my sister."

I'd like to say that I responded with something deeply profound and equally poignant, but that's not how my life works. Instead, I cracked a drippy little grin, and then launched my face back toward the toilet to resume puking my guts up – literally, it felt like. I knew it was quasi-irrational – and most likely the hormones talking – but I officially hated Edward Cullen. I wasn't too happy with his child at the moment either.

I absolutely _adored_ his sister, though, and was glad she was with me through this. I didn't even mind that she was getting a small chuckle at my expense presently. However, as long as she kept rubbing my back – because it really did hurt like a son-of-a-bitch – she would remain my most favorite person in the entire world.

Managing – by some miracle – to settle my stomach marginally, I crawled my sorry ass to last period just before the final bell. Instead of waiting for Edward and his usual bullshit check-up, the last bell of the semester saw me furiously slinging my bag onto my back and stalking out of the room. The very last thing I wanted after the day I'd just had was to pander to and be a player in whatever fucked-up game he was playing. If Edward wasn't happy with my not sticking to my assigned role, I didn't know. I didn't care. And he could kiss my ever-expanding ass if he didn't like it.

* * *

**A/N:**

Oh myyyyyyy! -must be said in the voice of George Tekei LOL


	16. A Dangerous Liaison

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary beta, _**Mel/mcc101180**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_. Y'all're fabulous! *muah*

* * *

**Chapter 16:  
A Dangerous Liaison**

**EPOV**

_~December 21, 2010~_

It had been a long, grueling, heartache of a week since mine and Bella's breakthrough on her bathroom floor, and while I'd slept well that first night, the same couldn't be said for the ones that had followed. Things at home were settling down, at least, and Mom and Dad had moved from disapproval over my fuck up to supporting me however they could as I tried to right my grievous wrong. Emmett had even mellowed out some. His gruff "How you holding up, bro?" this morning hadn't even been accompanied by the sneer and death threat eyes all other contact had been. School, however, was another story entirely and would probably be the cause of me getting my first gray hair at seventeen.

I knew I had no one but myself to blame for the situation I found myself in, but that didn't make swallowing back certain words or instincts when interacting with Bella any easier. I was trying – God knew how hard I'd been trying – to give her the space she had asked for and not overwhelm her with my presence. This was what she needed, what she wanted, what I had to prove to her I could provide if I wanted to earn back her trust and faith. I just wasn't sure if I was going to survive long enough to reap the benefits of my abstinence before my head and/or heart exploded.

Over the past week, I had taken to leaving for school earlier than the others so that I could be there waiting when Bella arrived. I had found it odd that James had started driving the both of them to school considering how much I knew Bella loved driving and how protective James was of his car – even more so than I was of my silver baby. There was no need to question the change in habit, however, after I got a good look at Bella's pallid and ashen expression, as well as her hunched and withdrawn demeanor, that first morning. It was painfully clear her constant sickness was taking its toll on her physically. It made reining in the overwhelming desire to shower her with love and devotion all the harder.

I did conquer the urge, however, and from that first day on, as soon as Bella was out of James' car each morning, I was by her side and doing all she would allow me to do to take care of her. The compulsion to pull her into my arms and hug away the wariness plaguing her mocha depths tore at and shredded me with razor talons, but I forced myself to be content with fleeting caresses to her cheeks and forehead, the tease of fingertips over her knuckles, or the light trailing of a palm down her arm.

I tried not to swamp her with questions or smother her with my obsessive concern, but my life – my very existence – was inextricably tied to hers. Her wellbeing consumed me; I needed to know she was resting, eating – as much as she could anyway – and wanting for nothing. After updating me on how her night went – as briefly as possible, I might add – Bella would move off to start her day, and I would be left to worry from afar.

Sometimes I could glean snippets of information from James' non-verbal reactions to Bella's answers but not often. More often than not, I was left frustrated and certain I wasn't being told the entire story, and there was nothing I could do about it. Either way, we would repeat our song and dance at lunch and at the end of our day with me making no attempt at interacting with her throughout the school hours.

It wasn't enough for me – being glued to her hip twenty-four-seven wouldn't be enough – but I had a naggingly suspicious feeling that my attentions were too much for Bella. Usually, by the time we had re-enacted my check-up on her condition in sixth period, she was all but snapping her answers at me, and she would hightail it out of whatever room we shared. By week's end, I would have confidently bet my entire trust fund that I was failing epically at not stressing her out or annoying her with my constant attentions. She resented my attentions, but I couldn't stop.

The lunch hour was the worst stressor, however – for both of us. If she didn't show, I would spend the hour texting with Alice, just trying to stay abreast of any wish Bella needed fulfilled and trying not to allow the situation to gut me like a fish. If she _would _show in the cafeteria, tensions tended to run even higher as we would usually end up in – often silently deafening – conflict over my desire to purchase her food and her lack of desire to puke any more than was necessary. More often than not – meaning always – I lost these skirmishes that left her huffing and glaring, and I would end up taking her travel mug of broth to the student lounge to reheat it for her before I joined my friends at their table … defeated.

Far from finding comfort in the presence of my rambunctious lunchtime mates, the hour was usually an exercise in restraint, control, and anger management. Despite my best efforts over the course of the week, I had no luck in finding any evidence of Jessica's guilt – save Mike's confession. I had hoped to find someone who had overheard their exchange, or a co-conspirator who could be broken, but I was unsuccessful in my endeavor. The very last thing I wanted to do was toss away a lifelong friend on the word of a proven and admitted liar, but the more I thought about it, the more Mike's words haunted me and had me re-examining a lot of Jess' actions.

She had never hidden the fact that she wanted to be more than just a close friend to me, and it had been _she_ who had initiated our one and only sexual encounter. Yeah, it had been an awesome blow job – nowhere _near_ as perfect as Bella's sweet lips on me, but pre-Bella, head was head – I just hadn't ever had any interest in either a repeat performance or anything more beyond friendship.

Now I was questioning the intelligence of my decision to continue fostering our connection. I was also looking at her in a new, dark, and twisted light. Her snide digs toward Bella sounded more malicious to my ears' memory. The sneering looks she thought I didn't see held a different meaning than I had originally attributed to them. The way she hung on my every word, and how she was always so physically close to me, elicited previously unheard warning bells in my brain.

Was it possible that Jessica was capable of such duplicity? Was she _so_ desperate to be with me that she would concoct such a malevolent scheme? And if she was, just how far would she be willing to go to accomplish her goals? Most annoyingly: how the fuck was I ever going to prove or disprove any of it? Yes, Jessica was clingy – more so since Bella and I had split – and suggestive, handsy, and explicit, but she was still the same dim-witted, funny, playful girl I'd known practically my entire life. Wasn't she?

I knew what I had to do, what the only course of action left open to me at this point was. I just didn't want to have to do it. Would she tell me the truth if I pressed hard enough? Would I even know the difference if she didn't? The whole reason I had to do this in the first place was because she was supposedly lying to me, and I was too blind to know. Somehow, I didn't think bluntly asking, "So, Jess, did you blow Mike so he would break me and Bella up in the hopes that I'd then turn to you?" would go over well. As much as it chaffed me to do it this way, my gut told me that subterfuge and a little bit of deceit on my own part were going to get me far more honest answers than direct inquiries would.

The decision to interrogate Jess had been made and solidified in my head for several days, but I had been pushing it off like a coward until it "felt right." That was never going to happen, and I needed to just suck it up and get it over with already. If for no other reason than because today was the last day of school before the almost two-week break, and I didn't feel like ruining my holidays with fretting over any of this. If she was guilty, Jessica had already played a large enough role in ruining my happiness. She wasn't taking Christmas away from me as well.

Armed with my "do or die" attitude, I veered off my usual path, changing my destination from the cafeteria and my daily rendezvous with Bella – who would probably be glad not to have me anywhere near her – to the lockers lining the math building. As expected, Jessica was holding court in front of her open compartment, reveling in her position as one of the most popular girls in the school and accepting the fawning praise from her wannabe clones as her due.

Fighting the urge to vomit all over the vapid group, I sidled up to Jess and wrapped a single arm around her shoulders. "I hope I'm not interrupting you beautiful ladies." It was nothing I hadn't said or done a thousand times before over the course of mine and Jess' friendship, but today it felt dirty, unnatural, and repugnant. I felt the sudden need for a shower – or a tetanus shot!

"Of course not, Edward," Kendra Jenkins trilled in enthusiastic awe as Jessica stood up a little straighter, preening, next to me. "We'll just … uh … catch up with you later, Jess."

The pug-nosed girl grabbed the other two lackeys by their arms and practically dragged them away under the gloating eye of their queen. How was it that I had never noticed the superior way Jessica lorded herself over those around her? It was clear by the way the silent girls had gawped at Jess and me, as well as by Jessica's smug expression in reaction to their looks, that all the females present assumed my visit was intimate in nature. While that was the conclusion I had wanted Jessica to draw – it would put her in a good mood and make taking her by surprise later on much easier – it didn't sit well with me for gossipy nitwits like Kendra, SueEllen Peyton, and Lauren Mallory to make the inference. There was no choice but to roll with it, however, because I had a mission to accomplish.

I watched the giggling pack of imbeciles round a corner out of sight and then turned back to the blonde standing under my arm, a hungry gleam sparkling in her eyes. Holy fucking _shit_. Why had I never noticed this frenzied, starving desperation before? It was practically devouring me alive and was all the proof I needed that she had, indeed, betrayed my friendship and trust. Mentally shaking off the revulsion creeping and crawling over every inch of my skin, I flashed a grin that made her breath hitch, her cheeks bloom with color, and an answering smile split her face practically in two.

"So, even though things have been a little weird lately, I was hoping that you and I could get together after school today. Maybe even go somewhere …" I leaned in close so that my breath ruffled the hair hanging loosely by her neck and causing her to shiver as she giggled and bit her bottom lip "… private." I whispered the last word. Pulling back slightly, I kept my cheesy-ass grin firmly in place, my cheeks protesting the forced position.

"Yeah, I'd really like that," she breathlessly murmured.

"Great!" I pulled her closer to me for the briefest of seconds, squeezing her shoulder before stepping back and turning to leave. I was a good ten or so feet away before I glanced back and called out, "I'll meet you in the parking lot after school."

I could've sworn I saw a flash of peaches and cream skin and mahogany tresses whipping around the hallway's far corner when I hollered back to Jess, but a second, more intense, look at the spot I was certain Bella had been standing revealed nothing but empty corridor. There was no one there except a now giddily vibrating Jessica as she slammed her locker door closed and skipped off in the direction her worshippers had disappeared to. In the meantime, I hauled ass to the cantina in the hopes of catching Bella, but she wasn't there … neither was Alice.

James was sitting by himself, obsessively checking his phone between bites of sandwich. I knew it was a long shot – he may not have kicked my ass last week, but we were far from being back on friendly terms – but if anyone knew where and how Bella was, it was going to be him. He didn't look away from his food or his phone as I stood fiddling with the hard plastic of one of the empty seats surrounding him, and his exasperated growl sent spikes of bristling wariness down my spine.

"What the fuck do you want, Cullen?"

The love of my life back in my arms? My world to go back to the way it was three weeks ago? To know that I wasn't doomed to exist in this black hole of despair for the rest of eternity?

"I was just wondering if you'd seen Bella."

"She lives with me, ass-wipe, of course I've seen her," he sneered, still without visually acknowledging me.

I sighed deeply, trying to contain my anger at his belligerence. "I _meant_ within the last few minutes. Have you seen her since lunch started?"

Finally his eyes rolled up to meet mine, their gray depths flickering with what looked like sympathy, but the expression was squashed beneath a hard glint before I could truly appreciate it for what it was. "She's indisposed … again … now piss off."

With that, I was summarily dismissed as his gaze returned to the hunk of metal and plastic clutched tightly in his hand. Knowing there was nothing else I could do, I simply nodded and made my way over to my usual table. Not long afterward, Jessica joined Tyler, Ben, Jason, Derrick, and me, and I spent the next ten minutes fighting the impulse to slap her hands away as she touched my hand, arm, shoulder, and even my thigh multiple times while flapping her gums about who-the-fuck-cared-what.

I was actually about two seconds away from just getting up and leaving when I heard "Mother fucker" snarled behind me and turned just in time to see James jumping to his feet and stalking from the room, a murderously icy glare thrown my way chilling my soul. Self-preservation dictated that I _not_ follow him as my heart was demanding I do – I just knew Bella was involved somehow in his mood shift from surly to homicidal. Something in the way his features had waxed demonic as he looked at me told me it wouldn't be wise to be within arm's reach of James Hunter at the moment, though, so I kept my ass glued to the damn chair beneath me until the bell signaled it was time to return to class.

Two excruciatingly tense hours passed before I was able to lay eyes on Bella again and assure myself that she was just as well as she had been the last time I'd seen her. Only … she wasn't. She was pale, far more so than before, and her features were pinched and drawn, her body movements stiff, stilted, and methodical. We hadn't yet progressed to a point where she felt comfortable sitting beside me, and didn't exactly engage in friendly chat and banter as we once had, but we _had_ reached a point in this new version of our relationship where she would at least acknowledge my existence.

What the fuck had happened between this morning and now? Throughout the final period of the day, I was shut out and ignored, not even being graced with more than a brief glimpse of her face as she turned it away from me. I was baffled by this frigid turn in her disposition when we'd seemed to be making progress. As soon as the final bell rang, I was on my feet and at her side, ready to get answers to my usual questions as well as to the new mystery brewing between us. Bella must have anticipated my reaction, however, because no sooner had I reached one side of her desk then she was up and out of the other, striding angrily from the room without having said a single word to me.

I made to follow Bella; there was no way I was going to leave things like this – whatever "this" was. By the time I reached the parking lot, James' car was long gone – and with it, Bella – but a flash of billowing blonde hair near my own vehicle caught my attention. Fuck my life. On top of not being able to immediately smooth over this newest wrinkle in the ongoing saga of fucked-upedness my life had become, I now had to go and deal with an overly zealous whore. Fuck my life from every direction with a Bieber themed pogo stick.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I plastered the most engaging smile I could muster on my face and crossed the expanse of pavement until I was mere inches from the all too willing body leaning against my Volvo. Her wide, gleaming smile turned my stomach, and the perfume she'd bathed in, as well as her arms, choked me as she launched and wrapped herself around me. In automatic reaction, my hands grasped her waist, but it wasn't to pull her closer. I wanted to make sure she didn't _mount_ me in the middle of the lot is all.

"I'm _so_ glad we're finally going to do this, Edward," was squealed in my ear.

My auditory nerve was irreparably damaged I was sure, and I felt like shoving her off of me and just ending this farce here and now. But I needed answers, closure, something that would help me reconcile the riotous turmoil in my mind and gut. Jess didn't seem to notice my reluctance in returning her embrace and tightened her grip around my shoulders, her sharp nails digging into my scalp painfully as her fingers threaded through my hair. I felt her mouth open as if she were about to say more, but whatever she would have said never materialized as we both jerked and whipped around to face the booming voice echoing across the empty space and the charging grizzly bear thundering toward us.

"This time you _die_, you fucking son of a bitch!"

"_Fuck_! Jess, get in the damn car … _now_!"

I pushed her away forcefully and sprinted around the front of the vehicle, wrenching the driver's door open and jumping in all in the same move. I heard Jessica's door slam closed at the same time as mine, and I jammed my key in the ignition, the engine revving to life just as Emmett's meaty fist slammed into the back door. Throwing the car into gear, I peeled out of my space before he could get a grip on one of the handles and infiltrate the relative safety within. Seconds later I heard something smashing into my back window and turned to see a two-or-three-inch hole surrounded by fractured and spider-webbed glass. Fucker was going to be paying to replace the damn window.

"Edward?" Jessica's nasally, plaintive voice grated on my fraying nerves, and I wanted to chop off the hand she used to grip my thigh. "What the _hell_ is going on? Why did Emmett just do that?"

"It's … uh … complicated."

"Well, that's fine. We don't need to talk about your brother." Her fingers started inching up my leg, coming dangerously close to my rapidly shriveling dick. "In fact, we don't have to _talk_ at all."

Thank fucking saints alive we had reached the semi-secluded park near Jessica's house by the time she'd made her move. I whipped the car into a spot in the completely empty lot – no one in Forks hung out in the park in December – killed the ignition, and hopped out. I knew I needed to keep up appearances with Jess if I was going to wheedle the information I wanted out of her, but her touch was making me physically ill. Making my way over to the small gazebo partially hidden by an outcropping of trees, I climbed the stairs and did my best to prepare for the task at hand.

Jessica fell into my trap, coming to stand between my knees where I had levered myself up to sit on the railing. She made to grab hold of my thighs, but I captured her wandering hands in my own before she could make contact, my thumbs rubbing over her knuckles so she wouldn't think anything was amiss. Her contented sigh at the action was hard to miss, as was the dreamy look in her eyes as she leaned that much closer to me. I prayed I wouldn't vomit all over the both of us as her every move spoke volumes of her guilt in betraying me.

"Jessica?" My voice was low, airy, almost like a caress, and she closed her eyes, humming in response as I lulled her into feeling secure. "Do you want to be with me?"

She swayed slightly, a barely audible, wispy "Yes" escaping her lips.

"Do you want me to belong to you?"

"More than anything."

"Do you love me?"

"With all my heart and soul."

"What would you do to make _me_ love _you_?"

"Anything … _everything_."

I still wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I knew I fucking _had_ her. Jessica was practically panting as she leaned limply against me, hypnotized by the deep timbre I'd been using to murmur near her ear. She probably would have done anything I asked of her right now, but all I wanted was for her to answer one more question, and then I'd have no further need to subject myself to this sickness.

"Would you sabotage my relationship with Bella to win me?"

She gasped, "What?" and jerked back some, her azure depths widening farther than even the Atlantic could contain as she attempted to extricate her hands from mine. That wasn't going to happen. In fact, I clenched her fingers all the tighter as she struggled against me. My voice remained as calm as it had been, but there was a sharper edge to it; I was tired of this game and just wanted to get home and figure out why Bella had bolted on me earlier.

"Did you suck off Mike Newton in exchange for him coming between me and Bella?"

Fear, thick and malodorous, surrounded her in a cloud of panic, and terror flashed like lightning across the glassy surfaces of her eyes. It was all quickly masked behind a façade of haughty indignation, but she couldn't hide the tremor in her voice as she continued to fight my dominating strength.

"H-how could you even _think_ I would so something like that? I would _never_ hurt you, Edward. I love you!"

A single tear slid down her cheek – only one. Had there been more, had she not silently confessed how frightened she was by my accusation, I might have believed her, but I didn't. Okay, that wasn't entirely true. _Most_ of me didn't believe her. There was, however, a tiny parcel of mental land dedicated to believing my long-standing friend would never fuck me over like that. And on that acreage stood the house built by the lies Newton had told.

I was no closer to solving this mystery, but at least I had learned enough to know that, even if she wasn't directly involved in this debacle, Jessica was bad news, and I needed to distance myself from her for a while. I released her hands, making no move to help steady her as she stumbled back a step or two, and slowly slid to my feet.

"I don't know who to trust or what to believe anymore, Jess. All I know is that I'll never be able to return the love you say you have for me." She inhaled sharply, choking on a barely suppressed sob, but I continued on, not allowing her theatrics to sway me. "I'm in love with Bella … not you … _Bella_. She and our child are all that matter to me."

She crossed her arms tightly over her torso, her head shaking slowly in denial, and one thin hand reached up to wipe away the torrent of tears that were just now making an appearance as my words pierced her heart and penetrated her brain. "After a-all we've b-been t-to each other, how can you ch-choose her over m-me?"

Jessica wasn't going to make this easy for me, but nothing she said was going to sway me or change my mind. Now that I knew how deep her feelings ran, there was no way Jess and I could continue on as we had. I needed to make Bella my priority, and that couldn't happen with Jessica hanging on to false hope that she and I would share a future as anything other than friends … if even that.

"I'm sorry this is hurting you, Jess, but Bella is the other half of my soul. No one else can ever take her place in my heart or my life. If you want to have _any_ place in that life, you need accept that as an unchangeable fact. Even if you _can_ accept that, though, I think we need some separation for a little while. I need to work on winning Bella back, and you need to get over me."

Her shrill, maniacal laughter startled the birds resting in the nearest tree, sending them winging, and her bitter tone left a foul tang in even my mouth. "I've been in love with you since the fifth fucking grade. How the _fuck_ am I supposed to just 'get over' you?"

"I don't know, but for both of our sakes, you're just going to have to."

We stood there in semi-silence, the only sounds our breathing and her sobbing, for what felt like hours until I finally cracked under the pressure and offered to drive her back to school to retrieve her car. I didn't honestly think she would accept, and I was right. With a final sniffle, but no further words spoken between us, she gathered her purse and bag from the Volvo and strode off into the fading late afternoon light. I thought briefly of following and making sure she made it safely, but decided – if she saw me – she would misconstrue it as a sign I cared more for her than I did. Besides, I had bigger things to worry about than Jessica walking the streets of our sleepy town: I needed to find out what had happened to Bella and figure out a way to avoid death at the hands of my brother.

* * *

**A/N****:**

*smh* Edward, Edward, Edward! Whatever are we gonna do with that boy!?

You can occasionally find me over on Twitter as (a)artemisleaena, & I'm usually rambling around Facebook as Artemis Leaena...come look me up & join the insanity! =D


	17. Hope Springs Eternal

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary beta, _**Mel/mcc101180**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =)

* * *

**Chapter 17:  
Hope Springs Eternal**

**EPOV**

_~December 21, 2010~_

Emmett or Bella? Bella or Emmett? My mind weighed, measured, and analyzed which direction would be the best one to take as I aimlessly drove around town. If I went and tried to reason with Em first, he could be valuable in helping me smooth things over with Bella – Lord knew James wasn't going to be of any assistance in that department. But if I got to the bottom of whatever new issue had erupted between me and Bella, being able to say that "We worked it out" would go a long way toward neutralizing Emmett's desire to flay me alive.

The setting sun reflected blindingly off the chrome of the motorcycle parked in the drive as I put the Volvo in park. I was glad that its owner was able to see Bella – she had, no doubt, missed him terribly in the past few weeks – but wished I weren't walking into such a densely populated lion's den. Taking one final, deep breath, I stepped out of the car, pocketing my keys, and made my way up to knock on the door. I heard a laughing male voice approaching and plastered a smile of greeting on my face just before the portal swung open, the other man's laughter immediately dying to be replaced by a snarl.

"You just don't know when the hell to give up, do you, Cullen? Shouldn't you be off fucking your whore?"

Fucking my … what? Well that shed a new light on things, and almost guaranteed I was fucked beyond redemption. I wasn't going down without a fight, though – feeble though my defense may be. My smile melted away and I allowed my overall weariness to seep into my tone. "Listen, Hunter, can I just talk to Bella?"

"She's not here."

Bella's ringing laughter, mixed with that of Jacob, Felix, and Leah's carried to my ears, and I cocked an eyebrow at the blond man before me. Half of his top lip curled up into a sneer as he silently acknowledged his lie before, without breaking visual contact with me, he hollered over his shoulder.

"Bella, the whore-fucking sperm donor is here, are you home?"

"No, she's not." Jake's voice rang loud, clear, and angry from the living room beyond, and was followed by a multi-toned, hushed argument of sorts.

James' triumphant smile as he made to shut the door was ruined by a tiny hand sliding over and around his shoulder, and a tired little voice saying, "Let him in, James."

He practically threw the door into the wall as he stalked away, his exit exposing the haggard and drawn face of my love. I reached out to touch her, but she stepped back, wringing her hands and refusing to look me in the eye.

"Let's not put a show on for the neighbors, okay?"

Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat at how lost and desolate she looked and sounded, I nodded and stepped inside, closing the door. Ignoring the not-at-all concealed growls and comments about detaching my dick from my body flowing from the main room, I followed Bella down the hall. Once in her bedroom, she quietly clicked the latch closed and moved to sit in a rocking chair that had been added since I was last in here, her eyes downcast. Her seating choice left either the small sofa across the room or the nearby bed for me to sit on. I didn't care to shout, so I chose the bed, claiming the corner edge closest to Bella.

"Bella, I–"

"Are you fucking Jessica?"

"_What_?"

My head snapped up from where it had been hanging, fascinated with the view of my sneakers against the purple fuzz of her carpet. Surely I'd heard her wrong. She hadn't just asked me if I was screwing Stanley, had she? A little bit of vomit actually shot up into my mouth, but I swallowed it back down with a grimace. This day was turning out to be an absolute nightmare – one entirely of my own making.

Finally, those topaz gems that I loved so much rose to meet my gaze. They were shimmering with unshed tears, sparkling with barely restrained rage, and punching me in the fucking gut with their burning, guileless intensity. Yes, she not only had asked that revolting question, but she believed it was true.

Shaking my head vehemently, I tried to explain. "Bella, I'm not–"

"I saw the two of you today in the hall."

Oh, fuck me up the ass with a rusty, moldy sledgehammer. I didn't know why it had to be rusty and moldy … it just did. Her brow was furrowed, her lips pulled into a tight, thin line. It was clear her emotions were choking her, the words scratching and clawing their way around the blockade to make it past her lips.

"I know I pushed you away." All at once, she seemed to collapse in on herself. Her shoulders slumped forward, her hands let go their death grips on the handles of her chair to flop into her lap, and her stare dropped to the floor. She took a deep breath, and even her voice folded into the smallest possible sound imaginable that could still be heard. "I just didn't think you'd move on so quickly."

My knees hit the floor, and I had her trembling hands clutched tightly in mine before she was even halfway through with that nonsense. Move on? How in the hell could I ever move on from perfection. I squeezed her hands, refusing to allow her to extricate despite her efforts, and angled my face below hers. I needed her to hear me. See me. _Believe_ me.

"Baby, it wasn't like that. I didn't–"

"Put your arms around her?" She frowned, pulling harder to free her digits from my grasp.

"I did, but–"

"Pull her close to your body and hold her?" The creases across her forehead deepened, and her shoulders were jerking back into the slats of the chair from her continued bid for freedom.

"Yeah, I did, but–"

"Go on a date with her after school?"

"It wasn't a date. Would you _stop_, before you hurt yourself?"

She instantly ceased struggling, but her head whipped back with such force that her neck popped, and the fulminating glare she leveled me with would have turned the Devil himself into a bawling little bitch. I swallowed convulsively several times, vainly attempting to produce some form of moisture in my arid tongue. As quickly as the fires of her anger had been lit, they flickered out, and she crumpled in on herself, her voice once again imploding into the tiniest of sounds.

"Is this why you've given up on me? Is it because you want Jessica?"

Rippling pools of smoked amber slowly rose and drowned me in their sorrowful depths. I choked on a gasping cry, her delicate hands falling out of my limp ones, and fell back on my ass, too stunned and shocked for words. All I could manage were violent shakes of my head and unintelligible noises of denial from my slack-jawed, useless mouth. How could she believe …? Why would she think …?

"What the fuck, Bella? So, because I talk to another girl, you think I'm cheating on you?"

Her nostrils flared, her posture stiffened, and hellfire and damnation sparked to life within her earth-rimmed black orbs. There was no denying it, Bella was _pissed_. Yeah, well, she could just suck it the fuck up. I clenched my jaw tightly in an effort not to say anything I knew I'd regret and fought with all I had in me not to shrink back from her ire. No fucking way was I backing down this time.

"No, Edward, you would have to _be_ with me in order to cheat on me."

"And whose fucking fault is it that I'm _not_ with you Bella?"

So much for not saying anything I'd regret. I didn't need the flames of rage pouring from every point on Bella's face to tell me I'd once again fucked up. Nor did I need the sharp sting of her words to drive home to me what a piece of shit I was – I was already aware of both as soon as the words were out.

"_You_ threw _me_ away, Cullen. Remember?"

I winced at her impersonal usage of my last name, hanging my head and nodding. It wasn't as if I could nay-say her. I was guilty as charged.

"_You're _the one who believed the biggest skeazeball in school when he said he'd fucked your girl. _You're _the one who conveniently forgot that said girl had been a fucking virgin the first time you screwed her … months _after_ she was supposed to have banged another guy. So _you're_ the one who's at fault for us not being together."

Looking up, I noticed one of her hands was draped tightly across her abdomen while the other was clamped onto the arm of the chair in a white-knuckled grip, and she was grimacing. At a loss, I offered, "I apologized –"

"Only _after_ your brother and sister beat the _shit_ out of you." Her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth, and a filmy sheen of sweat broke out across her forehead.

"And I've been trying to make it up to you, to prove how much I love you, need you, can't live–"

"And you thought being cold to me and then going out with another girl would accomplish that?"

Damn it. I was getting really sick and tired of her cutting me off and not letting me speak. I'd allowed her to cow me in the face of my most recent stupidity, but now she was just pissing me off. She was also worrying the hell out of me. She had practically whimpered that last accusation with zero heat behind it, and she was suddenly pale and shaking. Something was definitely wrong.

"Bella, what's–"

"Oh, God!"

She was out of the chair in a flash, her right knee rising up to connect with my jaw and send me sprawling back on my ass as she flew to the bathroom. My barely healed ribs protested the impact and I bit back a curse … and my tongue. After making sure my tongue wasn't bleeding, I scrambled to my feet as quickly as I could and followed Bella, flexing my aching jaw as I went.

Upon entering the bathroom, I was greeted by the sound of Bella upchucking, the expectorant splashing in the water of the toilet bowl, and her face ears deep in the receptacle. Before sinking down beside her, I wet a washcloth to lay on her exposed neck – her hair was already tied up in the messy bun it had been in when I'd arrived – and wipe her brow with. The cool compress she accepted readily enough, but when I reached out and started to rub circles low on her back, she swatted my hands away.

"Don't," she gasped out roughly, her face momentarily returning to the opening in front of her to expel some more stomach contents – at least she'd eaten recently it seemed. When she was once again done with this round of puking, she continued, panting around each word. "I don't … want … your fucking … pity."

Taking the terrycloth square off her neck and wiping her mouth with it, she moved away from the porcelain fixture, flushing its contents away limply before grabbing a pillow stashed in a wicker basket to the side. I scooted back, my shoulders leaning against the vanity cabinet, as she gingerly lowered herself to the floor and laid her head on the pillow near my thigh. A piteous whimper escaped her, and she drew her knees up to her chest.

My hand hovered over her, my fingers wanting to smooth her sweat dampened locks away from her forehead, but my brain told me if I touched her, exhausted or no, she would probably hurt me. In the end, I allowed my hand to drop back into my lap.

"I only wanted to help you, Bella. I don't pity you."

"It's okay, Edward." Her voice was a barely audible, gravelly whisper. "You don't have to pretend anymore. I know you don't want me."

Where the fuck did she get these ideas from? "Not want you?" I chuckled humorlessly. "Bella, I've spent the better part of the past two weeks making an ass of myself to get you to talk to me again and then trying to prove to you that I was worthy of another chance."

"Edward, you've barely been able to stomach touching me." She took a deep breath then murmured around a sniffle, "And I know you left school with Jessica."

How the fuck–

"Emmett called." Her wispy voice answered my silent question.

Fuck Emmett, and fuck this noise about me not wanting to touch her. As carefully as I could, so as not to jostle her, I climbed over and around where Bella was lying and stretched out behind her. My ass froze as it pressed up against the side of the tub, but I didn't give a fuck, some things were more important than comfort, and Bella topped that list each and every time.

"Not want to touch you? Bella, it's taken every ounce of strength in me to keep from touching you this past week," I growled softly as I snaked one hand over her waist, the other curling under and supporting my head as I molded my frame to hers.

She tried to jerk away, but ended up moaning and clutching her stomach. I didn't like to see her in pain, but I was glad she wasn't fighting me. It felt far too good having her in my arms like this again.

"So many times I wanted to hold your hand." My digits linked with her stiff ones. "To feel your soft skin." My thumb began massaging over her knuckles, and I felt her begin to tremble against me. "To just hold you and have you be mine again."

"But you want Jessica. I saw you," she sobbed.

"I want _you_."

"Then why–"

It was my turn to interrupt her, my turn to have my say. "I needed answers, baby, and buttering her up was the only way I was going to accomplish that."

"I don't understand."

I wanted to be disgusted when she sniffled again and then brought our linked hands up to swipe the sleeve of her thermal tee across her nose, but oddly enough, I found it endearing. Burying my nose in her neck, I inhaled her scent and allowed it to fill my senses. Who knew when we'd be in this position again, and I wanted to savor every moment of it even as I loathed the means by which we'd found ourselves here.

The last thing I wanted to do was upset Bella by talking about Mike and Jess, but the alternative was to be shady and tell her half-truths. That kind of behavior wasn't going to get my arms around her again, though, so full disclosure it would be.

"Newton came to me the other day, babbling about how he didn't think anyone would get hurt and that it wasn't his idea. He claimed he'd only said what he did because Jessica put him up to it."

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't know. He's a proven liar and a weasely little bastard."

"That's true."

Was she consciously aware of the fact that she was idly playing with my fingers while we talked? Did she know how this affected me, both physically and emotionally?

"Anyway, I didn't want to believe him. Jessica's been one of my best friends for a very long time."

"Yeah, she's been a fucking peach."

I ignored Bella's heavily sarcastic comment. Or rather, I filed it away for later examination. There was something there I wanted to explore, but not right now. "But Jess doesn't respond well to direct attacks."

"So you pretended to be interested in her?"

"Something like that." Bella's little snarl at my affirmation was cute, but I didn't address it. "She's never hidden the fact that she would like there to be more between the two of us than friendship, so I played that up to get her to talk."

"Did you tell her you wanted her?"

"No. I told her I wanted to talk to her."

"But she believed you wanted her."

"No doubt."

"And you _don't_ actually want her?"

Why did she sound so suspicious of that? Yes, I'd been an asshole before I'd met Bella, and she knew this about me. We'd discussed my blatant disrespect for the girls that I'd physically used before an angelic brunette had captured my heart and reformed my player ways. I thought it was a subject we'd long since put to rest. Using our linked hands, I cupped her chin and tilted her head so I could look her in the eye as I leaned up and over her.

"I want _you_ and you alone, Isabella Swan. There will never be another woman for me. So long as I draw breath, I belong to you."

"And there's nothing she could do to ever make you want her?"

I kissed away the single tear that escaped when she squeezed her lids shut and whispered, "Not a damn thing."

She nodded mutely and turned her face away from me, content to go back to tangling our fingers together over and over. Again, I got the feeling there was something more there, but added it to the backlog of things to be discussed at a later date. We were in a calm place, and I didn't want to stir things up again. After several long, silent minutes in which we simply "were" had passed, Bella's grip on my hand tightened and her body became less pliant, almost wooden.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Thank you for telling me all this."

"But?" I asked warily in reaction to the hesitancy weighing heavily in her words.

"But I still need time."

I levered myself up so that I could lean down and place a simple, chaste kiss on her flushed cheek. "Whatever you need from me, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

**A/N:**

So? Wha'd'ya think? =) Did Edward do good? Was Bella too easy on him? Tell me what you think!

I loiter around Twitter sometimes as (a)artemisleaena, but usually you can find me blathering on like a lunatic about one thing or another over on Facebook as Artemis Leaena (artemisleaena(a)aol dot com)...I've even got a group for my FanFiction & other such things: /groups/TempleofArtemis


	18. Turning Point

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary beta, _**Mel/mcc101180**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =) Please read ending A/N.

* * *

**Chapter 18:  
Turning Point**

**EPOV**

_~December 21, 2010~_

It was several hours later when I lifted a sleeping Bella off the bathroom floor and put her under the covers of her bed. I was elated, my heart and soul a hundred times lighter than they'd been when I'd arrived, as I stared down at her peaceful face. Despite all the interruptions – James with food, Bella puking up said food, Felix and Jacob just wanting to make sure we were "alright" – Bella and I had managed to talk tonight. There were still a shit-ton of things we needed to work on, but I was happy, and we were in a better place – sort of.

One thing I was not happy about was Bella starting a job at the diner. Felix's Aunt Andrea had heard that no one would hire Bella and had offered her a few hours waiting tables. Even though, on a logical level, I understood that it was a necessary part of her emancipation process, I didn't like it. I also didn't like how she refused to take any money from me to buy maternity or baby items. Our subsequent argument had drawn Felix to the bathroom, and I'd had to promise to keep my voice down and stop agitating Bella before he'd leave us alone again.

Grudgingly, and with the caveat that we would be discussing it again at a later date and time, I acquiesced to her demands for independence. My capitulation wasn't because I agreed with her convoluted logic that, until we were together again, Sweet Pea's and her financial welfare were solely her responsibility, but because I didn't want Felix to throw my ass out on the street when I told Bella how idiotic that was.

I didn't understand why she was being so stubborn about this. She was allowing my father to pay for her medical care, so why couldn't I help buy baby supplies and such? Deep down, I knew Bella wasn't a petty, spiteful person, but her acceptance of help from everyone else but me felt like an act of vengeance. Like she didn't believe I had suffered enough, so as punishment, I had to sit back and witness – but do nothing to ease – the struggles I had introduced to her life. I tried not to let it get to me, to remind myself that she was just doing the best she could with a fucked-up situation, but that shit hurt … a lot.

In the end, I backed off – for now – and we agreed that we'd both fucked up royally in the last several weeks, but we were only going to be able to move forward if we worked together to do so. As a first step, I vowed to make every effort not to hover over her, not to push her about our relationship, and to have faith that she would come to me if she needed anything. In return, she swore not to purposely hide her needs from me and to try and be more open to my attempts at digging us out of the hole I'd thrown us down.

Bella also relented and said that I could be a more active participant – so long as money wasn't involved – with Sweet Pea. To show her sincerity, she invited me to go with her to her next ultrasound appointment on the seventeenth. I was ridiculously excited about this, especially since the _What to Expect_ books said we might get to hear the baby's heartbeat.

Much to the amusement of the occupants of the living room, I was practically skipping as I left the house in the early evening hours. Fuck 'em. For the first time in weeks, I was filled with a hope that didn't feel false, forced, or borrowed, and even the glare that James threw me just before I shut the door didn't ruin my good mood.

All of my happiness evaporated, however, when I pulled into my driveway and saw Emmett standing on the porch, leaning against the side of the building, and scowling over his crossed arms as he waited for me to get out of my car. Was it too late to go back to James and Felix's? Surely now that Bella and I were talking again, they'd let me crash on their sofa, right? Swallowing the fear-fueled bile burning its way up my esophagus, I stepped out of my Volvo.

"Mom and Dad aren't home, Brother." Emmett sneered, his hulking frame unfurling as he rose to his full height, and he propelled himself down the first step. "So you and I are going to have us a little chat."

A more sinister smile had never been displayed by my brother, and the logical side of my brain was telling me to get the fuck away as quickly as I could. My short, useless life flashed before my eyes, but I was paralyzed as he stalked toward me with calculated steps. In addition to praying I wouldn't end up in the hospital from this encounter – and that I didn't piss myself in fear – I tried to remember if I'd made arrangements yet with Uncle Caius for Bella and Sweet Pea to be taken care of in the event of my untimely, sudden, or brother-induced gruesome death.

Emmett was mere feet from me when my survival instincts finally kicked in, and I turned tail and ran. We ducked and weaved our way through the trees lining the drive, my ribs shooting painful sparks of protest throughout my torso every time I juked and spun, as he gave chase. We ended up back by the Volvo, and I quickly scrambled up onto the hood and then the roof, his merciless laughter following me.

"Aw, c'mon, Eddie. I just wanna talk to you!"

His saccharine tone and devilish smirk did little to convince me of his sincerity, and I knew I sounded like a pussy when I asked him if he was telling the truth. My voice quavered and cracked the whole time, but I was more concerned with my ability to breathe than my pride in that moment. It was only after his maniacal cackling died down, and he promised he wouldn't lay a hand on me, that I warily climbed down off my car and followed him into the house.

By the time I'd joined him in the formal living room that had been the scene of our previous "chat," Em was settled back in the same chair I'd ended the confrontation in. I gingerly lowered myself onto the loveseat adjacent to him, doing my damndest to bite back the wince and groan I wanted to expel. Em's eyebrows shot up in question, but I ignored him in favor of trying to find a comfortable position. Not that I cared, but my reticence must have irritated him, because he huffed in exasperation as he got to his feet and left the room.

I found him a few minutes later rummaging through the cabinets in the kitchen and muttering something about stubborn assholes. My chuckles drew his attention, but he kept right on looking for whatever prize was eluding him. Moments later, the mystery was revealed.

"Here, fuck-face," he grunted, shoving two ibuprofen and a bottle of water at me over the shiny granite countertop of the island. Reclining back against the sink, he waved his hand toward the medication, again raising his brows at me. "I saw you flinch when you sat. Take the damn pills and stop being a pouty prick."

No further provocation was required. I greedily swiped up the painkillers and popped them in my mouth, chugging half the proffered liquid in the process to wash them down. "Thank you, by the way," I offered in gasping breaths between pulls. When I was done, I wiped my mouth on the back of my sleeve, tossed the bottle in the recycling bin by the garage door, and mirrored Emmett's position on the opposite side of the island. "So what did you wanna talk about, Bro?"

Where the fuck was he going _now_, I wondered as he just grinned and walked out of the room. I was getting tired of chasing the asshole down when he was the one who'd wanted to chat. The thought of just going up to my room and ignoring his cryptic – albeit helpful – ass crossed my mind, but I thought better of it. Despite being "healed," my ribs still hurt like a son-of-a-bitch if I pushed my physical limits too much. Instead of doing what I wanted, I once again followed him into the living room and settled down on the sofa, waiting to hear what was on Emmett's mind.

I had no idea how long we sat there, staring each other down – his expression ranging from amusement to deep contemplation, my restless body and brain twitching and fidgeting. No longer able to handle the awkward silence that had descended, permeating the room with a thick cloud of tension, I finally snapped. "You're going to pay for my rear window, asshole."

That got a reaction out of my newly reticent brother. Em leaned forward, his elbows hitting his knees hard, and snarled, "Like fuck I will. It's the least of what you deserve for taking off on a date with Stankly like you did."

"What the–" I grappled to make sense of his babble. "Who the–" Nope, I still couldn't make heads or tails of what he was saying, so I just flat out asked, "What the fuck are you talking about? I was with Jess, and it _wasn't_ a date."

"That's who I said." His voice dripped with disdain, but it turned to sardonic humor in response to my confused, furrowed brow. "Like you didn't know she was a whore who has spread her legs for half the guys in the county." Em ignored my growl – why I felt the need to defend Jess after today, I didn't know, but I did. "And not a date, my fat, hairy ass. Alice wouldn't tell me what the fuck was up before she left, and Jamie said I had to ask your stupid ass when I called, but I know what I saw when I came out of that building. Slutica was all over you, and you weren't doing shit to stop her."

Ignoring the rest of what he said – for now – I focused on what I felt was the most important piece of information. "When the fuck did you call James?" And then with more anger as I realized the implications of that phone call, I demanded, "What the fucking hell was up with chasing me around?"

Flopping back against the cushion behind me with a huff, I watched in barely repressed rage as my bastard brother fell over the arm of his chair in uproarious laughter. Every time he would start to simmer down, he'd look up at my mutinous face and be beset with renewed mirth to the point of tears streaming down his face. Perhaps it was the aching, throbbing pain radiating through my chest, or perhaps it was because he'd managed to kill my Bella buzz, but I didn't find my line of questioning – or this fucked-up situation – the least bit humorous.

"Oh, knock it the fuck off, Em, and answer the damn question. You knew everything was fine, so why were you being a sadistic prick?"

He had already started quieting down to panting chuckles, but my contempt-laced inquiry sobered him the rest of the way. His elbows once again met his knees as he leaned forward, pinning me with his cold stare.

"I _didn't_ know everything was 'fine.'" He looked ridiculous making little air quotes on either side of his head as his face scrunched up in derision. "All I knew was that James said Bella didn't kick you in the balls when you showed up on her doorstep after your date–"

I growled in exasperation and scrubbed my face with quick, rough strokes, not caring if my words were muffled. "For the last fucking time, it was not a date!"

"Whatever." His flippant refusal to heed my denial was pissing me off beyond reason, but before I could mount a rebuttal attack, his eyes narrowed, his voice dropped to a gravelly snarl, and his entire demeanor turned menacing. "I don't give a fuck _what_ it was or wasn't, shit for brains, because whatever it was tore Bella to pieces. James said Bella willingly agreed to talk to you, and _that's why_ you only got chased instead of me ripping your fucking head off, but make no mistake, I still want answers."

All semblance of fight had left me as soon as he'd reminded me of how broken Bella had been over the Jessica debacle, and guilt gnawed at me. Bella had once told me that I was the source of the greatest happiness and contentment she had ever known in her life, but here lately, all I seemed to be able to offer her was heartache and despair – even when putting every effort into remedying my fuck-ups, I only caused her more strife.

"She's in love with me." My voice was small but heavy with the mental and physical exhaustion blanketing me all of a sudden.

"Who? Bella?" Emmett reared back, his face contorted with confusion, and then he burst into boisterous laughter. "Well, yeah. That's obvious, dipshit. Otherwise she never would've let your punk ass in the door," he said as if I were the stupidest creature on earth – and maybe I was.

I shook my head slowly and met his gaze steadily. "Not Bella – Jessica."

For the next hour, I walked Emmett through the whole sordid affair, sparing only the details that were private and intimate to Bella and me, starting with Mike's first confession. He didn't seem surprised when I revealed my suspicions about Jess' part in everything, and a part of me wondered if I was the only one with scaly eyes when it came to Jessica. If Em's snorts, nods, and eyebrow raises were any indication, I had been. Even now, in spite of everything, there was still an automatic, knee-jerk instinct telling me to protect my friend, but it was getting easier to overcome the desire.

Emmett sat back, his arms folded over his massive chest and one ankle crossed over the opposing knee, staring at nothing and yet appearing to be absorbing everything around him. He was quiet, not even humming or murmuring as he often did when deep in thought – or as deep as Em ever thought. I briefly contemplated just leaving him here, but I found something about this deathly still, introspective, quiet version of my brother to be morbidly fascinating even though it unnerved me. It was a side of him I'd never seen, and I wasn't wholly certain I liked it.

Eventually, he turned to me, his eyes sad and voice stoic. "That's fucked up, little brother."

Not knowing what else to do, I simply nodded. It wasn't like I could contradict him, but I couldn't bring myself to vocalize my agreement.

"Does Bella know all of this? Did you tell her?"

I tilted my head back, my skull digging into the padding behind me as I crossed my arms over my eyes so that just my mouth was exposed. "Yes."

He exhaled harshly, as if he'd been holding his breath in anticipation of my answer. "Do the others?"

My arms dropped down, landing heavily beside me, and I squinted up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly to dispel the hazy irritation brought on by the intrusion of light. "No." I rolled my head to the side and once again met Emmett's sympathetic, direct stare. "Not unless she's told them since I've been gone."

He pursed his lips, furrowed his brow, and nodded while humming. Without warning, his face split into a giant grin, cavernous dimples appearing in each of his cheeks, and he slammed his hand down on my knee, patting it several times as he chirped, "No worries, Bro. We'll figure this shit out."

My returning smile wasn't quite as bright as his, because I wasn't so sure if we could figure everything out, or even what figuring it out meant here. None of that mattered at that time, though. Not when I was fighting not to tear up like a little bitch and weep with happiness at finally having my brother back on my side. Seriously, if I didn't think it would have hurt like hell, I would've hugged Emmett.

Instead, we settled for nods of acknowledgement of the moment and shooting the hell out of each other on Halo. If only the rest of my off-kilter world could be righted as easily, but I had a feeling this storm had yet to fully pass. We were merely in the eye of the hurricane, and there was a shit-ton of chaos still to come.

* * *

**A/N:**

So things are settled with Emmett...for now. =) I hope you all enjoyed this chapter & will understand that, although I'll be replying to reviews as usual, I will not be including a preview of ch 19.

I'm sorry to have to do this (& I don't do so lightly), but effective immediately, TCWM will be on hiatus. I'm hoping it will be for no more than a couple of weeks, but I refuse to make any promises regarding a timeline. As those of you who are on my Facebook know, I've been struggling a lot here lately with health (tho that is improving on all counts) & with myself as a writer. Since I was 11, all I've wanted to do is write...there's nothing else in this life that appeals & calls to me like writing does...but I'm finding it very difficult to maintain the faith & confidence in myself necessary to pursue this dream. I need to figure this out & decide where I want to go & what I want to do.

To this end, I'm leaving FFn for a while. I will **NOT** be avoiding Facebook (if you're on my account, no worries, the insanity will continue). I will **NOT** be be deleting any of my stories here, on TWCS, Twilighted, or AO3. And I will **NOT** abandon these stories, leaving them forever unfinished. If I should make the decision to not return to FFic writing, I will either adopt the stories out, or pull them with the option that people can PM me for how the story would have finished. These are worst case scenarios, however, that I don't foresee coming about. I know this will upset a good number of you, & I'm sorry for that, but mentally, I just can't do this right now...I hope you will understand & wait for me, but I wouldn't blame you if you felt the need to flounce/jump ship...after all, I honestly can't tell you when this story will update again...or any of my stories for that matter. I cherish & adore all of my readers & the love they show me & my fics, & I will miss y'all's encouraging words...but I need to find my voice, my strength, my will again.

Love, smoochies, & eternal Edward nibbles,  
~Artemis


	19. A Bella Carol

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary beta, _**Mel/mcc101180**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =) Any mistakes are my own as I tend to tinker after Mel works her magic!

* * *

**_Previously on The Choices We Make:_**

"_Does Bella know all of this? Did you tell her?"_

_I tilted my head back, my skull digging into the padding behind me as I crossed my arms over my eyes so that just my mouth was exposed. "Yes."_

_He exhaled harshly, as if he'd been holding his breath in anticipation of my answer. "Do the others?"_

_My arms dropped down, landing heavily beside me, and I squinted up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly to dispel the hazy irritation brought on by the intrusion of light. "No." I rolled my head to the side and once again met Emmett's sympathetic, direct stare. "Not unless she's told them since I've been gone."_

_He pursed his lips, furrowed his brow, and nodded while humming. Without warning, his face split into a giant grin, cavernous dimples appearing in each of his cheeks, and he slammed his hand down on my knee, patting it several times as he chirped, "No worries, Bro. We'll figure this shit out."_

_My returning smile wasn't quite as bright as his, because I wasn't so sure if we could figure everything out, or even what figuring it out meant here. None of that mattered at that time, though. Not when I was fighting not to tear up like a little bitch and weep with happiness at finally having my brother back on my side. Seriously, if I didn't think it would have hurt like hell, I would've hugged Emmett. _

_Instead, we settled for nods of acknowledgement of the moment and shooting the hell out of each other on Halo. If only the rest of my off-kilter world could be righted as easily, but I had a feeling this storm had yet to fully pass. We were merely in the eye of the hurricane, and there was a shit-ton of chaos still to come._

* * *

**Chapter 19:  
A Bella Carol**

**BPOV**

_~December 25, 2010~_

Were it not for the hot gurgling in my stomach alerting me that I would once again need to have Edward pull off to the side of the road, I could almost believe that our world hadn't imploded and there wasn't a giant razor-wire-lined wall between us. But that blockade did exist, and the companionable silence that had descended upon the car since we'd gotten back on the road after my first pit stop was nothing but an illusion. It was nice to pretend – even if only for the few minutes it took Edward to drive us from my house to his – that we were the Edward and Bella from September. As with all games of make believe, it eventually had to come to an end.

The Volvo had barely rolled to a stop – Edward hadn't even had a chance to put it in park yet – when I was jumping out and making a mad dash for the nearest restroom. I'd managed to stave off another intestinal eruption during our journey, but my endurance was at an end. I was still on my knees several moments later when Edward crouched beside me and pressed a damp cloth to my forehead. I hadn't even heard the water running, but I'd been preoccupied trying to stop the room from spinning. I wasn't entirely certain when they'd began, but bouts of dizziness and sheer exhaustion had started accompanying Sweet Pea's temper tantrums more often than not.

"Ugh," I rasped as I flushed and sat back on my heels. I took the washcloth Edward held out to me, wiping my face before turning and glaring at him. "Your child hates me."

Edward laughed and leaned down so that he was level with my stomach, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine and my waist. I wasn't what I would've called "comfortable" with his position, but I wasn't _un_comfortable. Sensing I didn't plan on stopping him, Edward shifted a bit closer so that his nose just skimmed my loose blouse.

"You don't hate Mommy, do you, Sweet Pea?" He raised his hand as if he were going to touch my abdomen, but when I flinched and gasped, he dropped it back to the floor. There was a tightness to his eyes after that, but he continued to grin and whisper things I couldn't hear to my tummy. A moment later, his lids squeezed shut for half a second, and he leaned in to place a swift kiss just at my belly button. "Daddy loves you, baby girl."

He sat back but wouldn't meet my eyes. That was fine by me. I didn't exactly want him to see the single tear that had slid down my face, and I worked to rub it away as discreetly as possible. I couldn't express how much I didn't want to discuss what he had just done, how I felt about it, or what it all meant, so I latched onto something that felt "safe" to break the tense silence that had descended upon us.

I had to clear my throat a few times, but I managed to not sound like a bull frog or like I'd been gargling glass when I asked, "Baby girl?"

That crooked, half-mouthed grin Edward got when he was feeling sheepish or embarrassed about something was one of the first things about him I had fallen in love with. Now was no different. I felt a tugging in my chest and a fluttering in my stomach as I watched only the right side of his mouth lift, his cheeks flush a pinkish hue, and the tips of his ears flame rose red. With a slight shrug, he ducked his head. "When I picture Sweet Pea, I see a girl." Whereas I'd been looking at a mop of bronze, I was now consumed in bright, intense, burning green flames. "A beautiful baby girl every bit as stunning as her mother."

"So you want a girl?" There was no way I was going to address his last comment. Not that a fluffy, warm, fuzzy moment was high on list of things I wanted to do, but it seemed to be the lesser evil of the two conversation directions presented.

"First and foremost, I want a healthy baby. But yeah, I guess I kinda like the mental picture I have of you holding a little pink bundle." His smile turned wistful. "My beautiful girls."

I was both flattered and wearied by his declaration. It made me feel good to know that he thought I was pretty, but I was tired of having to qualify our every interaction. How many times did I have to explain to him that, despite any progress we'd made recently, we weren't together? Why did he not seem capable of grasping this basic concept? Not knowing what else to say, I heaved a weary sigh. "Edward, I'm not–"

Practically jumping up, Edward stood and cut me off with a curt, "Yeah, I know."

He then yanked the door open and strode out of the tiny downstairs half bath. Not too long after, he returned with a toothbrush and some toothpaste in hand as well as one of the blouses I'd left behind draped over his arm. The first two items I understood, but the shirt puzzled me. At least until I'd managed to claw my way into a standing position and got a good look at my haggard appearance – including the drops of vomit I'd somehow managed to get on my top through the gap in my jacket. Without saying a word, Edward laid the items on the counter and left again, softly closing the door behind him.

Making myself presentable proved to be easier than I thought it would be. Making the world stop shifting below my feet, my limbs stop feeling like lead weights, and my vision stop blurring was another matter. With one final deep breath that had me questioning whether I should stay near my porcelain best friend, I went in search of Edward and the rest of the Cullens.

I found them, along with Jasper and Rosalie, lounging around in the formal living room where the tree had been set up with a million presents flowing like a river from beneath. It was a beautiful sight, but it made me even more self-conscious and embarrassed over the meager presents I was able to pick up for them with the tips I'd made this weekend.

A good deal of the townsfolk either refused to be served by me or left insulting tips. Not like a penny or lint or anything like that but actual insults. Like the one from the receptionist at the police station who'd written on her napkin, "You want a tip? Here's one: keep your legs closed, whore!" Most people, however, were able to act like civilized adults and didn't treat me any differently than the other girls at the diner.

All-in-all, I was able to make just under seventy dollars in tips during my first weekend, and I'd had James take me to Wal-Mart last night so I could buy gifts for Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Alice. I'd debated over getting anything for Edward, but figured I'd already given him a big enough gift: I was talking to him again and had given in to his mother's haranguing to spend Christmas Day at the Cullens – which she'd been doing ever since I didn't kill Edward after the Jessica incident. If he didn't appreciate my present, that was his problem.

Esme was the first to approach me as I entered the room, and she engulfed me in her warm embrace. "There's my gorgeous girl!"

For a brief moment, I allowed myself to once again pretend the last three weeks had never happened. I basked in her love, soaking it in and letting it fill every empty corner of my soul. More than anything else, I was angry at Edward for taking this away from me. When he ripped us apart, I didn't just lose the love of my life, I lost the only mother – the only real family, truth be told – I had ever known. I tried to hold myself apart from her emotionally, but the longer Esme held me, the harder it became, and I finally gave in. Wrapping my arms around her torso, I clung to her for all I was worth, smiling into her shoulder when she hugged me all the tighter in response to my reciprocation.

Her voice fierce and low, Esme whispered in my ear how much she'd missed me. Leaning back, she clasped my face in her palms, her thumbs brushing over the apples of my cheeks, and grinned broadly at me. "Just look at you. Why, you're …" her eyes darted over each of my features, the tiny lines in their corners becoming more pronounced the longer she looked, and her smile faltering marginally before she pulled it back together "… glowing. That's what you are. You're absolutely radiant." Still holding on to my face, she turned to address her husband. "Honey, come say hello to Bella."

"One moment, dear." Confusion was evident in his expression, but he didn't question Esme's summons and excused himself from whatever conversation he'd been having with Emmett and Rosalie, making his way over to his wife. "Merry Christmas, Bella," he said by way of a greeting as he stepped up beside Esme.

I disentangled myself from the older woman and held my hand out to Carlisle. "Merry Christmas …" he grasped my one hand in both of his, his concerned, furrow-browed gaze combing over the skin of my palm and back of my hand "… to you as well." As he started repeatedly squeezing and releasing my digits, I floundered for something not awkward to say and settled on offering up a lame, "Thank you for having me."

His eyes snapped up to mine, and the smile he flashed me was almost as tight as Edward's had been in the bathroom. It was ingenuous, a mockery of how he looked when he was truly delighted. "It's our pleasure, Bella." He shared several pointed glances with his wife, a silent but serious conversation being shared between them, then Carlisle focused on me, or rather on the thumb Esme was running down one of my cheeks in increasingly stronger strokes.

"Isn't she just _glowing_, Carlisle?" I didn't understand the strain invading Esme's tone, but whereas I hadn't wanted to leave her arms moments before, I wanted nothing more than to extricate myself from this freaky encounter.

"_Bella_."

Alice's screech saved me from the Hell of this conversation as she came tearing into the room and wrapped herself almost completely around me, but her vibrating hug was plunging me into another layer of that flaming abyss. Laughing, I pushed out of her arms – I was determined not to be face-first in a toilet bowl again so soon.

"You just saw me at the diner yesterday, Alice, and a few days ago at school, as well. It's not like it's been a month of Sundays since we chatted."

Pulling back from me, Alice had the good grace to blush and apologize for attacking me. True to form, though, less than a second later, she was grinning unrepentantly, bouncing up a storm – a safe distance from me this time – and yammering on about how much fun we were going to have today. I allowed her to drag me away from her parents, chuckling as Esme dashed out of the room with a squeak when Alice told her something in the kitchen was beeping.

My laughter died in the next instant, however. I knew the room was full of bodies, and seating was limited, but surely to goodness someone could have moved to make room for me, right? Rather than remain standing when no one budged from their seats, I perched stiffly on the edge of the only unoccupied space – the other half of the love seat Edward was sitting on. Wonderful.

Unpleasant didn't even begin to describe the energy crackling between Edward and me. It crawled over my skin, leaving a prickly trail of raised hairs and goose bumps in its wake that made me want to claw the flesh from my bones just to not have to feel it anymore. I hated how things had ended with him in the bathroom, but I couldn't stop myself from throwing up these little barriers. Yes, we were talking, making progress, working on our issues, but it felt to me like Edward was reading more into these newly opened doors than I was ready for him to. I wanted to let him in – I really did, desperately so sometimes – I just didn't know how … yet.

Sweet Pea didn't appreciate the shivers of discomfort rolling through me, and my tummy started to clench painfully. To make matters worse, the more I tried to clamp down on bile rising in my throat, the more the room started to spin. Edward leaned over to ask if I was alright, but I studiously ignored him, preferring to focus my energies on overcoming the bout of weakness that was trying to push me back into the sofa. Along with the severe cramps and dizziness, occasional spells of my extremities feeling leaden and numb had begun creeping up on me this past week.

Fortunately – or not, depending on how one felt about what happened next – Esme appeared in the entryway and announced that Christmas dinner was ready just before Edward's hovering hand could make contact with my shaking shoulder. With as much grace and dignity as I could muster, I rose with every intention of at least pretending – something I was getting very good at doing … at least in my own mind – to enjoy myself. I should have known that even that simple act wouldn't go according to plan. Nothing else had in the last couple of months – or my entire life, for that matter – so why would this?

My name being shouted from several different directions was the last thing I remembered before the room flipped over and dumped me into a sea of blackness.

There was nothing. No sound. No light. No feeling. There was only sweet oblivion surrounding me, supporting me. Time had no meaning, and I didn't know how long I floated along before I started feeling shadowy shapes moving around me. They didn't touch me, but I could sense their presence sweeping across my body.

From somewhere in the ether, voices I thought I recognized were swirling around me. I couldn't understand what they were saying, and they sounded distant, muffled, their words echoing off invisible cliffs. I gave up the struggle for comprehension when the world once again shifted, upending itself and me along with it, and dumping me on a squishy but hard surface. I wanted to grab on to something, to keep from falling again, but there was nothing tangible within my grasp. Not that my limbs were cooperating and listening to the signals I sent them. No matter how much I mentally shouted at them, they wouldn't budge, and the universe kept moving.

Despite the jostling, shaking, and bouncing, there was a certain lassitude that filled me, and I wrapped myself in the blanketing murkiness like a cocoon. All too soon, my mantle of peace was no longer soothing or comforting. Rather, it was harsh, abrasive, and intrusive. A cacophony erupted around me, prickling, stabbing, burning agony exploded over every inch of my skin, and a wrenching, white-hot lightning bolt ripped its way across my abdomen, but I was still blinded, immobilized … helpless.

The voices grew louder, became more frantic in pitch and nature. The sensations rippling through me became quasi unbearable in their voracity. I wanted to scream, but I had no voice. I wanted to cleave the flesh from my bones and rip every nerve ending from the exposed muscles. I would do anything in that instant to stop the iciness seeping, crawling, stretching over me, starting at some point on my arm until it had invaded every corner of my physical being.

And then … there was nothing.

* * *

**A/N:**

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Dumbassward is officially off hiatus! LOL At least for the time being, he will remain on an every 2 weeks schedule – but moved to Mondays. =) I appreciate more than I can express with mere words y'all's patience with me & your loyalty to this fic. I'm working on getting him finished up, and once I do, he'll start posting weekly. Thank you again for all of your unwavering support of me, my Wards, & my Ellas. =D *Edward nibbles, licks, kisses, & other naughtities for all*


	20. A Sweet Pea Christmas

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary beta, _**Mel/mcc101180**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =) Any mistakes are my own as I tend to tinker after Mel works her magic!

* * *

**Chapter 20:  
A Sweet Pea Christmas**

**BPOV**

_~December 25, 2010~_

There was an incessant beeping coming from somewhere around me, and it was driving me nuts. It didn't sound like my alarm clock, but what else could it be? I didn't remember setting the damn thing. Why would I have? I didn't have to work again until Monday. Even then, I didn't go in until four o'clock. Intent on stopping the beeping and going back to sleep, I flung my right arm over toward my bedside table, but it wasn't my clock I encountered.

"Son of a motherfucking whorish _bitch_," I screeched as my eyes snapped open and my wrist slammed against a metal bar. Something sharp pulled and stung at the inside of my forearm, and I swung my gaze over to stare incredulously at the IV sticking out of my arm.

"Bella?" Esme's excited but emotional voice drew my attention away from the gauze and tape fest covering my arm. I watched in confusion, still not fully comprehending what was going on, as she rose from an ugly orange plastic chair and leaned over me, her watery smile lighting up her face. "My goodness, you gave us quite a scare, honey." She smoothed her hand over my forehead, then leaned down and kissed me there before resuming her overhead position. "How are you feeling?"

"Wha–"

I cut myself off mid-croak. I hadn't realized how dry my mouth and throat were until I tried to use them, and I felt my lips crack painfully. Licking them did no good as it felt like a dusty, dirty cotton field had been planted on my tongue, rendering it useless. My eyes frantically surveyed the room, seeking some sort of relief, and finally settled on Carlisle as he entered the room, a little Styrofoam cup in his hand and a giant, apologetic smile on his face.

"Here." He sat the cup on the lap tray and rolled it over to me, then he helped adjust the bed so that I was partially sitting up. "You probably shouldn't try drinking anything until Vickie gives you the go ahead, but sucking on an ice chip or two will help with the dryness in your mouth. I'm sorry I can't offer you more." Just as Esme had, Carlisle's hand brushed the hair from eyes, and he planted a kiss just above my brow. "How're you doing?"

How was I doing? I thought about that for a minute. How _was_ I doing? Starting with my toes and working my way up, I took stock of how each body part felt. My feet, ankles, knees, and legs were a little stiff, and there was an ache on my left thigh that I couldn't quite identify, but otherwise I was good there. My hips were a little sore, but I was lying on my back, and they always hurt these days when I lay flat. My stomach was …

My hands flew to my lower abdomen, gently pushing and kneading, as my eyes sought Carlisle's. The worried expression and slight grimace he wore did nothing to quell the growing dread in my chest. For the first time in over a month, my stomach was calm and pain-free. What was going on? Why wasn't Sweet Pea attacking me? Was Sweet Pea even there anymore? What the ever-loving-fuck was going on?

My chest and shoulders burned with every raspy gulp of air I took in, and it felt as though an invisible iron fist was clenching around my heart. I knew it wouldn't do me any good to panic, but I didn't really give a damn in that instant. All I wanted to know was …

"Wh-where's my b-baby?" I managed to grit out around the desert of my mouth.

Carlisle exchanged a worried look with Esme before trying to cover his concern with a half-assed smile I'm sure he meant to be reassuring – but he failed miserably. "You haven't had any bleeding, Bella, but we'll know more when they do another ultrasound."

Another? When did they do a first one? Before I could contemplate or ask about it, though, Victoria strode into the room as if the mere mention of her name had conjured her up, Edward close on her heels. Like everyone else around me, her smile was strained, and her eyes were tight. If I were a more optimistic person, I'd think it was just because she'd been pulled away from her holiday celebrations that caused the tension to radiate off of her in giant, tsunami-esque waves. But I wasn't, so I didn't.

"Well, hello there, Bella. Did you have a nice nap?" Vickie laughed at her own joke, but it wasn't genuine, and she let it trail off with a cough after only a second or two. Clearing her throat, she flipped open the metal chart in her arms. "Well, why don't we take a look at what's going here, shall we?" She paused for a moment, her eyes flickering around the room to the other occupants before landing back on me. "Would you like everyone to leave before we discuss your lab results, Bella?"

My gaze traversed the room, touching briefly on each face it encountered. I wasn't surprised to see Carlisle and Esme were still here, although they had moved closer to the door and were huddled together. I was, however, shocked to notice that Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper had also entered the room. Rose and Em were just sort of hovering in the open doorway while Alice was now occupying the chair Esme had previously vacated. Jasper was standing beside her, his hand gripping her shoulder. Edward had moved to the right side of me, his long fingers gripping the metal railing, his knuckles thinning to a vibrant white.

"Um …" The rattling of my bed rail drew my eyes back up to Edward's face, a look of absolute pleading morphing his features into the most heartbreaking visage. I didn't want to disappoint anyone, but I wasn't comfortable with everyone being crammed in here to begin with. I really wasn't keen to have them all privy to my private business. Without breaking my visual connection with Edward, I addressed Vickie. "Edward, Carlisle, and Esme can stay."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice gearing up to protest, but Jasper wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hauled her up out of the chair and dragged her resisting body from the room. He flashed me a lopsided smile and told me they'd be waiting outside as Carlisle closed the door behind them and moved to lean against it – probably in case Alice decided to barge back in.

"Thank you," Edward whispered beside me.

I looked up at him and whispered back, "For what?"

His brow was furrowed, his partially open lips trying to form words his brain hadn't given them yet, and his eyes were downcast, focused on where my hands were still folded over my tummy. One of his large fists was trembling as he lifted it off the bed rail and sat it back down several times. After a moment, his features smoothed out some – whatever decision he'd been mulling over apparently having been made. His shaky palm swooped down to slide under one of mine, and his fingers twined with mine. My eyes had never left his face, but now his shining emerald orbs were finally facing me.

"For keeping your promise and letting me be involved." His smile was tremulous but sincere, and I couldn't help but give him one of my own in return as well as a reassuring squeeze of his hand in mine.

"So …" Victoria cleared her throat once again "… while you were unconscious, we went ahead and did some blood work on you, but before we go over that, I want to ask you a few questions." Her countenance turned very serious at that point. "Bella, is this the first time you've fainted?"

"Yes."

"But it's not the first time you've felt dizzy or like you _could_ faint, right?"

I chewed on my bottom lip and refused to meet her penetrating stare. "No," I answered just above a whisper.

"Have you been experiencing any muscle fatigue?"

"Yes."

"Severe headaches?"

"Yes."

"Abdominal cramps?"

"I thought they were just a normal part of pregnancy." She was really making me feel like an idiot.

Dr. Siddons pulled up a rolling stool, and her features softened, as did her voice. "How long have you been having these symptoms?"

I shrugged and ducked my head, not really wanting to answer her. "I don't know." I flicked my eyes up to hers for a brief second and then dropped them back into my lap. "About a week or so. I think. Maybe."

"Bella, you're severely dehydrated." Ignoring Esme's sharp intake of breath, Carlisle's beleaguered sigh, and Edward's softly muttered curses, I chose to focus my attention on Vickie as she continued with a compassionate but sad smile. "Prolonged dehydration isn't good for anyone, but it's especially dangerous during pregnancy. Your electrolytes and potassium levels are alarmingly low. Your amniotic fluid was low but within a nominal range when you saw me a few weeks ago, but now you're critical. Bella …" she reached out and took the hand Edward wasn't holding in a death grip "… we tried to do an ultrasound on you when you were first brought in, but we couldn't see anything."

Whatever tenuous dam had been holding back my emotions burst at that point, and I broke down into body-wrenching sobs, the most horrible noises bellowing up from inside of me. Beside me, Edward had collapsed to his knees, his keening cries echoing off the walls, and it tore me to shreds. Almost from day one, Edward had embraced and loved Sweet Pea while I'd lingered on the fence. But I guess I had my answer now as to which side I was on. Somewhere along the way, I too had fallen in love with this life we'd created, and the thought that I had lost it was … it was …

"… can try a vaginal ultrasound. We've been intravenously hydrating you for the last few hours, so perhaps we'll get a better picture that way."

My eyes snapped to Vickie's tired ones as I realized she'd still been talking, and they followed her as she stood, patted my knee, and murmured something about me deciding how much privacy I wanted for the examination while she went to get the equipment. As soon as the door clicked softly behind her, Esme was at my side, her arms wrapping around and hugging me securely to her chest.

"Why didn't you say anything to us, sweetheart? You could have called us anytime."

Her heartfelt and earnest words only made me cry all the harder. "I didn't want to burden you. I'm not your responsibility."

She pulled back from me, grasping my face between her palms, and there was such conviction in her tone, her features, her very being, it surrounded and swallowed me whole. "Isabella Marie, that is the most ridiculous thing …" She squeezed her lids shut and swallowed thickly, then pinned me with glittering jade lasers. "You are not a burden or a responsibility to be shouldered and bore. You are one of my children, and I will _always_ be there for you. Do you understand me?"

I chanced a glance to my other side, not really certain what I was seeking, but needing a moment to process words that had never been said to me before. What I found was Carlisle cradling a still crying Edward in his arms, an ocean of love and acceptance reflecting in his blue depths. Turning back to Esme, I nodded and offered up a lame apology before being crushed in her embrace once again. I didn't know how everything was going to turn out, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I didn't have to face it without them … my family … by my side.

The entire time Dr. Siddons was gone, Esme held me in her arms, her cheek pressed to the top of my head and a soothing little off-key tune being hummed in my ear. Carlisle managed to finally get Edward up off the floor and into the chair against the wall, but he didn't stay there. Well, Edward's ass remained in the chair, but he had dragged the hunk of metal and plastic over so that it butted against my bed rail, and my hand was once again ensconced in his. I didn't really mind.

By silent agreement, no one disturbed the bubble of strained peace we had created. Like every other niche of calmness I'd managed to carve out over the last eight months, it wasn't to last. The diaphanous shield burst the moment Vickie returned, dragging the ultrasound equipment behind her. As Dr. Siddons set up the machine, Esme gave me one last crushing hug and pulled away, walking to the other side of the room to join Carlisle by the door.

"Are you coming, son?" Carlisle called over his shoulder as he ushered Esme out with a hand on the small of her back.

Edward had stiffened beside me, his back going rigid, the instant Victoria had re-entered the room, but at his father's question, every muscle in his body seemed to lock down. No longer was he merely holding my hand, he was on the verge of breaking my bones with the voracity of his grip. He began to visibly shake as every eye in the room – save mine; I was watching to make sure he didn't rip my fingers off – turned to him.

"No. I'm staying."

"Edward, I think Bella would–"

Whatever suggestion Vickie was going to offer up was cut off by Edward's growl. "I said no." The finality and resolve of his words rang through the room, cutting into each of us. But for all the harshness of that declaration, it was with a broken, pleading, sobbing whisper that he turned to me, his emerald seas flooding the plains of his cheeks, and begged, "Please."

"Edward." Vickie tried again, her voice authoritative but tempered with understanding. "I'm going to be conducting an internal exam on Bella. I think she would be much more comfortable if you were to wait outside with your parents."

His beautiful jade depths disappeared from my sight, locked away behind scrunched lids, and his breaths came quick and hard as he mulled Victoria's words over. Was it days, weeks, months that we sat, anxiously awaiting Edward's decision? Or was it merely one excruciatingly long second that we held our breaths suspended? Whichever it was, when he opened his eyes and locked gazes with me, his choice blazed from within him, hot, hungry, and determined not to be ignored.

"Please don't make me wait, Bella. I need to know that Sweet Pea's okay."

"Edward, I …" I shook my head, mouth hanging open. I didn't know what to do. What to say.

"Please," he choked out on another sob and dropped his forehead to mine, his lids sliding shut again as he moaned, "Please … please … please," over and over again.

How could I tell him no? How could I make him suffer more than he already was? I couldn't. I may've just been catching up, but Edward had already accepted Sweet Pea into his heart, his life, his very soul. There was no doubt in my mind that if it turned out I had lost the baby, Edward's heart would shatter, and he may never recover from it. Having experienced what it felt like to have a gaping, jagged hole ripped through my chest, I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't make him stand outside and wait to find out if his world was going to collapse. I wouldn't do that.

Closing my eyes and taking a deep, steadying breath, I brought my hand up to wrap my fingers in the hair at his nape and nudged his face into the crook of my neck. Edward continued to entreat and implore me as I shushed and cooed at him that it was alright, I understood, and finally whispered, "You can stay."

He reared back just far enough that we could look at each other without our eyes crossing, and it tore at my heart to see how red, puffy, and tear-soaked his face had become. His eyes searched my face, most likely looking for any hint that I wasn't being truthful, but he wouldn't find any. "You're sure?"

I trailed my hand around, down his jaw and up over his cheek, stroking away another fat droplet of despair as it dripped off his lashes, and offered him a genuine a smile as I could. "Yes. You deserve to know firsthand."

Edward promised that he would stay by my head the entire time of the examination, and the next twenty minutes passed in a blur of embarrassment, discomfort, and pain – Edward was really squeezing the hell out of my hand. Vickie talked me through everything she was doing, but no amount of explaining that the pillows tucked under my ass to tilt my pelvis upward could erase the feeling of being violated when she lubed up what looked like a long, thin dildo and inserted it inside me. Nor did I find solace in murmurs of encouragement as she worked to angle her "wand" into the optimum position. Not until a huge grin broke out on her face, her shoulders relaxed, and she turned the monitor toward us. Then the experience was worth over pinch, prod, and poke.

"And right there …" she pointed to a tiny white blob in the middle of staticky blackness that seemed to be undulating "… is your baby."

Great, racking, heaving, gasping sobs tore from my chest as the house-sized anvil that had been sitting on my chest dissolved away. I collapsed back against my pillow and brought my hands up over my face, dragging Edward's up as well with our still linked digits. Kisses began raining down on my forehead, temples, and the tip of my nose sticking out from between my finger – basically anywhere Edward could reach. I was so wrapped up in the assurances he was crooning softly in my ear and his whispered words of thankfulness that our baby was alive, that I didn't even notice Dr. Siddons completing the procedure, cleaning me up, or removing the pillows so she could replace my blankets.


	21. Practicing to Deceive

**A/N:**

Oodles of thanks and love to my extraordinary beta, _**Mel/mcc101180**_, and to my pre-reading goddess, _**caz12771**_! Y'all're pure awesomeness. =) Any mistakes are my own as I tend to tinker after Mel works her magic…& often forget to send it back for a 2nd cleaning.

* * *

*****Warning*****

This chapter contains elements of sexual assault/rape. If scenes of this nature are a trigger for you, you may want to skip it. Feel free to PM me, and I'll catch you up on what you missed.

*****Warning*****

* * *

**Chapter 21:  
Practicing to Deceive**

**EPOV**

_~December 31, 2010~_

Hopping down from the over-sized Jeep, I slammed my door – just to piss Emmett off. Asshole was weird about his car like that. I was, too, but this wasn't about me, and I didn't want to be here. "I don't wanna be here." No sense hiding my irritation.

"Yeah, we know." Em huffed while glaring between me and his precious door.

Too bad the damn door didn't shatter.

"You've only been bitching about it the entire damn drive," Jasper chimed in from behind me with a grumble before striding past me and leading the way up the snaking driveway.

"Well excuse the fuck out of me for wanting to ring in the New Year with my …."

I stopped walking, letting my words trail off, because I hadn't a clue how to finish that statement. Bella and I were talking again but not really about us. We were friendly and cordial again, but we couldn't exactly be classified as "friends." She was more than a stranger but not yet my friend. I wanted her to be my girlfriend again, but I'd be a fool to assume we were anywhere near that milestone despite how much closer she'd allowed me to get in the aftermath of Christmas Day. So what the fuck was she to me? Fortunately – depending on how you looked at it – my companions weren't as mentally stunted as me.

"… Ex who was the best thing you ever had, but you stupidly threw away?" Jasper swiveled back toward me and smirked while offering his suggested ending.

"… Baby mama whose ass you'll be kissing for all eternity even if she ends up completely forgiving you?" Emmett crudely inserted over Jasper.

"You both fucking suck." Pushing past the pair of chuckling assholes, I stomped my way up the porch steps, calling back over my shoulder, "And we're only staying for one drink."

The planks beneath my feet vibrated to the beat of the too-loud music coming from within the house, the din pushing out from behind the closed door, but I still heard the boys' footsteps when they joined me.

"Fine, but you're still not gonna crash their 'girls' night' party." Jasper grinned and slapped me on the shoulder before throwing the door open and entering, Emmett hot on his tail.

If ever there were a time that I hated my brother and best friend, it was now. I knew that, even if we weren't at Darcy Hennington's annual beer bash, we wouldn't be partying with the girls. Rose had been very clear that no men were allowed tonight – this excluded James. Felix had been sent to New York on some business, and James was depressed that he couldn't join him, so Rose declared they would be having a girls' night to ring in the New Year. Leah ditched Jacob to join them, and after Bella got off work tonight, the five of them were going to give each other facials, paint their nails, and do other girly shit.

None of which I wanted anything to do with, but I did want to spend time with Bella. Vickie had put her on yet another new anti-nausea medicine. The heart stopping trip to the emergency room on Christmas Day made it clear Bella's current meds weren't cutting it, and I was anxious to see how she was doing. We hadn't had a chance to really talk these last few days – nothing in depth, anyway – since she'd been out of the hospital, and it was making me nervous not knowing what was going on.

Was it really so wrong of me to want to be with her? So much had happened. So much that we'd yet to address and explore. Bella had acknowledged – for perhaps the first time – that she loved and wanted Sweet Pea. When we thought the baby was gone, Bella was devastated. Her heartache had been etched in the stress lining her face while we waited for that fuzzy image to emerge, and her relief soaked into her blanket as she sobbed in joy when we saw our child moving.

It still fucking hurt to think about, and I attempted to rub away the sparks of pain radiating through my chest as I reminded myself everything was fine. Sweet Pea was alive. Bella's health would hopefully be improving soon. And I had come to the full realization of the depth of my love for both of them. In those moments when I believed the worst had happened, it was crystal clear to me: if anything ever happened to either of them, if they ceased to exist in this world, I would literally die. Without them, I had no reason to live. I just needed to make Bella understand the simple truth that I needed her and the baby like I needed air. No … I needed them more than I needed to breathe.

But instead of being _there_, sharing my epiphany with Bella, I was _here_ – with Tweedledee and Tweedledum, my babysitters for the night. He thought I was clueless, but I knew Bella had asked Emmett to "take care of" me and to keep me from moping around the house tonight. It was a sweet gesture, one of several she'd shown me indirectly this past week that only served to make me even more confused about where we stood as an "us" and more frustrated at my inability to sit her down and discuss it with her.

"Yo! Dipshit. Get your ass in here." Em's booming voice hit me only a second before his meaty paw wrapped in the front of my shirt and jerked me forward, pulling me into the middle of a legion of dancing, sweating, drunken teenagers.

"One drink, Em," I shouted when he released me.

Whether he heard me or not, I didn't know. Mainly because his guffawing hide had already disappeared into the throng of idiots surrounding me. Deciding to make the best of the situation, and keeping in mind that I could always hotwire his car and leave his ass here if he didn't cooperate when it was time to go, I started working my way through the crowd. If I was going to be subjected to this bullshit, I was going to need a stiff drink. I was going to need one of Jasper's Time Bombs – minus the Coke.

A small body slammed into and wrapped itself around me when I was about halfway across the room. My name was screeched in my ear just before strawberry flavored lips assaulted mine and a tequila flavored tongue was shoved down my throat, causing me to gag. My hands had come up to circle the body's waist, more as a measure to brace myself than to hold my attacker to me, but I used them now to push the mouth leech off of me. Swiping my forearm across my lips, and scrubbing my tongue on my sleeve for good measure, I made an attempt to cleanse myself of the horrible taste as I looked down at my assailant.

"What the fuck, Jess?" I yelled indignantly at her prone form. "What part of stay away from me did you not understand?"

Her lips were moving, the bottom one quivering, and it looked as though tears were starting to form in her eyes, but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I didn't care what she had to say, anyway. With a frustrated growl, I threw my hands in the air and pivoted on my heel, heading in any direction that would take me away from her and her theatrics. It didn't take me long to locate salvation – in the form of Jasper – in a room off to the side of the main one, and he already had a refreshment waiting for me. I knew there was a reason I loved this bastard.

Toxic libation firmly in hand, Jasper and I circumnavigated the pressing crowd and made our way from the bar station into the more open gaming room. There were just as many bodies in here as the other areas of the house, but the people in here kept mostly to the walls, congregating in small groups of two or more. Two different games of darts were in progress at opposite ends of the long room, and in the center, two seniors were engaged in a round of billiards. As we drew closer, the one not shooting straightened up from where he'd been leaning casually on his cue stick, a giant grin splitting his face.

"Whitlock!" Danny Lytner stepped forward and clasped one of Jasper's hands, pulling the shaggy blond into a one-armed man-hug. "I was hoping you'd show tonight, man." Danny's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "I got the intel on that Orc incursion we'd heard whisperings of."

Jasper reared back, shock written all over his face. "So they really _are_ employing a legion of Undead?"

"Yup."

"When?" Jasper's blue eyes hardened into icy discs.

Danny's expression was equally steely, and to the casual observer, the pair would have appeared to be discussing serious, life-altering events instead of an online game. "Two days. According to my source, at any rate."

"Is the informant reliable?"

"As much as a cross-dressing, underside-of-a-bridge-dwelling Troll named Grisella _can_ be."

"We need to talk strategy and weaponry," Jasper declared decisively, earning a curt nod from Danny. "You gonna be okay for a while, Edward?"

Jasper's sudden address of me caught me off guard and had me rolling my eyes. I know he was just trying to fulfill the same request from Bella that Em had been earlier, but I didn't need a babysitter. I was capable of taking care of myself. "Yeah, I'll just …" I looked around at my entertainment options and found them severely lacking "… I don't know, but I don't wanna go with _you two_, that's for damn sure."

They both laughed, and Danny reached out, handing me the cue stick he'd been holding. "Here, Jase is creaming me, but maybe you can pull off a miracle."

With a final chuckle, Danny and Jasper turned to disappear into the crowd, but their exodus didn't go unnoticed. "Yo, Light Saber, I'm about to whip your ass. Where do ya think you're going?" Jason Hayes' frustrated howl shot from behind me.

"Cullen's got it, man." Danny hadn't even turned around or slowed his pace to holler that little tidbit back.

"Well isn't that just fucking fantastic," Jason grumbled. "You're solids, Cullen. Good luck."

I didn't like the sadistic slant of his smile, and decided I was going to ram this pole up Lytner's ass the next time I saw him, when a glance of the table showed that there were still six solids in play as opposed to Jason's one striped. Mother fucker hadn't been getting creamed, he was being slaughtered. With a growl, I rounded the table, setting my untouched drink down next to Tyler Crowley and slapping him on the arm.

"Watch my cup, will ya?"

"Yeah, sure, Cullen."

Tyler smiled and scooted the red plastic container closer to his hip but then went back to chatting with a sneering Lauren. What the fuck was that bitch's problem? Whatever it was, it wasn't any concern of mine, and I shoved Lauren Mallory and everything else to the back of my mind as I rounded the table, analyzing my shooting options.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Cullen, would you just take a shot, already?" Jason grouched several minutes later. "Sheila's going to be here any time now, and just 'cause you no longer have a girl to go fuck, doesn't mean the rest of us don't."

It took everything I had not to leap over the table and literally rip the derisive grin right off his fucking face, but somehow I managed. The bastard wasn't so smug ten minutes later when I sunk my last ball, called the eight to go into the corner pocket, and flattened his smarmy ass. As soon as I heard the heavy resin sphere drop into the catching net, I threw my stick at Jason, not giving a damn if it smacked him in the face or not, and swiped up my drink.

A good quarter of the nearly full cup of liquid was chugged before the saltiness of it hit my tongue. Jasper had best not have given me some frou-frou chick drink. Looking into the murky depths of the cup, it was hard to make out what color the fluid was, but I didn't think this was the Time Bomb I was hoping Jasper had made for me. Shrugging, I figured he was probably experimenting with his mixed drinks again – it's how the TB had come to life in the first place – and went to go find him and Emmett. I wanted to leave as soon as I swallowed the last drop.

I'd barely made it three steps when Lauren called out to me in a sickeningly sweet voice. "Enjoy the rest of your evening, Edward, and I hope you get everything you deserve in the New Year."

The thought occurred to me to go back and ask the plastic bitch what she was yammering on about, but then it was gone, replaced with a tingly sensation in my brain. Whatever Jasper had mixed up for me was some high-octane shit, because I was already starting to buzz. With a chuckle, a smile, and a silly little wave of my fingers for Tyler and his whore, I resumed my search for Em and Jazz, slurping away at my drink as I moved through the crowd.

By the time I made it back to the front room, my drink was mostly gone, and I was feeling pretty damn fine. That's when I heard it: Bella's voice calling out to me. I whipped my head around, grabbing on to the nearest solid object – a bookcase I think – to stop the room from spinning as I did so.

"Bella?"

The bodies congregating around me fused into a giant blob of dancing lights and shadows, none of them distinguishable, but I knew they weren't my precious girl. What was she even doing here anyway?

"Edward, I need you."

Her voice floated to me again, this time accompanied by the delicate floral scent that I always associated with my Bella. It wafted over & drowned out the stench of the stagnate air around me. But I still couldn't locate her, and I blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to clear some of the haze from them. It didn't work to bring any of the surrounding faces into sharper focus, but it was enough to catch a glimpse of her long brown hair as she rounded a corner and headed for the stairs.

Smiling a predatory grin, I downed the last of my drink, tossing the cup behind me, and stalked my prey. Another flash of mahogany at the top of the stairs served as a homing beacon, letting me know I was closing in on her. Midway up the steps, I had to grab onto the railing and the carpet to keep from falling when the room shifted on me, but nothing was going to keep me from Bella any longer. I needed her. I ached for her. She was here, needing me as well – she'd said as much, hadn't she? – and I was going to have her. At the top of the stairs, a door stood open, and I moved toward it. The room beyond was almost pitch black, but her beautiful voice was calling out to me, beckoning and guiding me forth.

"Bella, baby, are you in here?"

Her scent permeated the room, bathing my senses in the sweet ambrosia they'd been missing for far too long. The air was so thick with her essence it was becoming difficult to breathe. My lungs were burning, struggling to pull in oxygen, but death by Bella wasn't such a bad way to go. I swung around at the sound of the door closing and lost my balance, falling and landing on my ass on what I assumed was a bed. The room was spinning even faster now. A stabbing pain was starting to form in my temples. My stomach was roiling. And it felt as though the blood in my veins had been replaced with liquid fire.

"Baby," I gasped and choked out. "I don't feel so good." My tongue was thick in my mouth, and it was hard to swallow, much less talk.

"Sh." Tiny warm hands smoothed down my cheeks, and warm breath washed over me as Bella continued to shush and coo at me.

Her little fingers crept down my neck, sliding under the collar of my jacket and spreading out over my shoulders, pushing the coat off of me. I heard it hit the floor just as her digits made contact with my chest and meandered in teasing strokes to the hem of my shirt, bunching the fabric there and pulling upward until I was free of that garment as well. Soft palms returned to my heaving chest – I still wasn't breathing easily, but I was no longer scared by it – coaxing me backward until I lay with my legs hanging off the edge of the mattress.

Sweet, silent numbness engulfed my mind for an indeterminate amount of time, but I was rocketed out of my oblivion and into a bright, harsh, burning hell as wet heat engulfed my cock. Bella's throaty moan was torn from the inky atmosphere to mingle with my groan of pleasurable pain. Her name escaped from me in a keening cry of excruciating bliss. It had been so long since I'd been inside Bella, and I had almost forgotten how heavenly it was. I wanted to savor it, memorize and frame this moment, but the explosion of pain behind my eyes was too intense, and I cried out in torment.

Bella shushed me again, her hands petting my chest and abdomen as the snug, fiery vise gripping my dick moved more forcefully. Rolling spasms worked their way over me from head to toe in a wholly unpleasant way, slicing through the pleasurable tightening in my balls created by Bella's actions. I wanted her badly, missed our connection like I'd lost a piece of myself, but I was being turned inside out.

Trying to be as gentle as I could – I didn't want to hurt Sweet Pea – I shoved Bella off of me and rolled off the bed, landing gracelessly on my now throbbing knees and proceeded to vomit up the lava and glass that had been churning in my stomach. Light exploded into the chamber, and thumps and thuds of a scuffle somewhere near me punctured the black clouds in my head. I tried to locate its source, but a lightning bolt of pure agony splintered my body. I fell onto my side, my head striking the floor, and allowed the dark curtain of unconsciousness to fall upon me once again.

* * *

**A/N:**

Time Bomb = 1 part each: vodka, rum, Coke; 2 parts each: whiskey, tequila

I will be writing an outtake of Nine Days to Eternity for the FFA Fundraisers 2013 Compilation to benefit Futures Without Violence, an international organization that works to end domestic and other types of abuse by offering education, advocacy, & support. Please consider donating (link to the blog is on my profile), or if you're a writer, please consider signing up to contribute. All fandoms & pairings are welcome, & the minimum word count is only 2,500. =) Thank you!


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